Psalm 118:24

Happy (belated) 8th Birthday Finny!

2012-01-12T20:50:00.001-08:00

My sweet Finny is 8 now.

Not quite sure how it can possibly have been that long since I held him in my arms for the first time. How can you remember such a moment so clearly no matter how long ago it happened?

Each birthday that I celebrate with each of my children I find myself resolving to cherish each moment even more. I want to really be present for every.single.second.

Otherwise, I really will blink, and one day, it will all be over...

Delightful, curious, creative, artistic, loving, brave, determined, handsome, capable, confident, humble... Finny is all these things and more.

Happy birthday a day late, Sweet One. I was just a little too busy making your big day wonderful yesterday to post your birthday note on your actual birthday - a trade off I think was wise to make. I love you. Thank you for more memories in 8 years than I ever dreamed possible when I first held you. And I can only imagine what will come in the years ahead.

True Love

2011-12-21T21:52:00.000-08:00

Here is Punky, looking lovingly at his beloved new pets. I do so love the caretaking nature that having pets brings out in a child. Can you tell he's smitten?

Welcome home, Lewis and Clark.

Nine months...

2011-12-16T22:14:00.000-08:00

Sweet Pea is nine months old today.

Every month marker is shocking to me, so I'm not sure nine months feels any more shocking than eight or seven or four or two months felt... each month comes with such dizzying speed I just can't quite catch my breath.

But nine months does sound big for my newborn baby girl. ;o) Sure she has a couple of teeth, can crawl and pull up to stand, and is starting to say "Mama." But she's just a very advanced newborn.

How can time go by so crazy fast? How can my baby be nine months, three-quarters of a year old?

How can I be the mother of six children - my oldest rounding towards the decade mark?

But there it is. She is nine months old. He is turning ten. The days do keep whizzing by.

And I just want to savor every second of it and treasure it up in my heart. Because I know that in the blink of an eye it will all be behind me, and nine months will be a lifetime ago and my babies will have their own babies, and I won't be the Mommy any more.

So I am cherishing. I am basking. I am enjoying each day. And it's a good thing... because there is so very much to enjoy each day.

Rats!

2011-12-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

We have rats in our house.

On purpose. ;o)

I know most people hear the word "rat" and cringe - but really, they do make really great first pets. They are smart, social, playful and affectionate. They are big enough to be fairly sturdy when curious hands get a little too rough, but small enough to not take up too much space or need too much care. They are smart enough to be litter trained and can learn to come to their names and even to do a few little tricks.

So for a few months now Punky has been saving up money to buy a rat plus half the cost of the gear for it. Along the way we discovered that there are rat breeders - and if you really want a good pet you go through a breeder, not a pet store. So we tracked down breeders and got on waiting lists and waited and waited for babies. Then we learned that you should always get at LEAST two rats, because they are so very social that they are not happy to be the only rat. So we began waiting for TWO rat babies. We bought a cage. We tracked down the healthiest foods and the cleanest bedding and litter. We made a rat hammock and got training and care books. We approached the whole rat acquisition like, you know, a homeschooling family. ;o)

The kids picked out the names for the future rat brothers - Lewis and Clark. (A good pair name after studying US History last year) All we needed was an official pair of rats to stick the names to. But all the leads kept falling through. Waiting lists full. Litters having fewer born than expected. That kind of thing. Poor Punky was getting a little anxious...

Until Friday. We sent in an email on a pair of 5 week old baby rats that he got all excited about - only to find out they were spoken for. But the breeder had two "teenage" boys that had been returned to her after their 10 year old boy owner's mom had developed allergies. These boys were sweet, snuggly, and super well cared for, according to the breeder - but no one wanted them because everyone was looking for babies. Punky was bummed to miss out on the babies he had set his heart on and didn't really want to settle for these older rats - though he did feel bad for them that no one wanted them. We had sadness, we had tears. So I sent him off to pray over the situation (God cares about the big things as well as the small things - and though pet rats may be a small thing to us, it feels big to a 9 year old, so it's a big deal to God, too.) and see where God led him. I told Punky that God knew who and where his pets were, and if he prayed over it, he'd be given direction.

Sure enough, he came down feeling real direction and confidence that these were the ones. He actually liked knowing that they had already been socialized and trained, he liked that they were bigger and sturdier for the little ones' curious hands, and that they were owned by a boy his age, too. And he liked that they were ready NOW. ;o)

So we made all the necessary arrangements and this breeder, bless her heart, was willing to drive all the way up here from Oregon. OREGON! She really wanted these guys to have a good home, so she drove 3 1/2 hours so get them to us for only the cost of the rats and gas money. What a blessing! So our whole family got to pick them up and meet them for the first time. We met in a parking lot off the main freeway to save her the winding drive off the I-5 corridor to where we live. The rats were curious and friendly from the word go, and Punky was in love at first sight. And of course the rest of the crew is fascinated and excited, too.

The little guys are tucked snuggly in their new cage tonight, and my biggest boy is dreaming sweet, ratty dreams, no doubt. ;o)

Now of course Finny is pining away for his very own rat, one he can snuggle in his lap for a good read any time he wants without having to share him with all the other eager siblings... Oh goodness. What have we begun?

Pics to come, I'm sure. Tonight was just a little too busy with picking them up and getting them settled and teaching Lellybug not to climb up the cage and all that jazz.

So welcome home, Lewis and Clark. We're glad you're here.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does YOUR garden grow?

2011-11-15T19:51:00.000-08:00

(WARNING: What you are about to read is long and rambling and may make no sense to anyone other than myself. Continue at your own risk...)

I sit here not even knowing what to write. My blog has been completely neglected for months (my last post was from our first day of school – we are now halfway through week 12 in our My Father’s World curriculum) but it’s not for lack of good content. On the contrary, actually. There have been so many wonderful happenings in life that it’s a little overwhelming to just pick one to write about.

But I guess that’s kind of the point… Life is good. Life is blessed. Life is beautiful. But life is FULL.

My days start before 6am, and I’m rarely asleep before 11 at night. And Sweet Pea, who will be eight months old tomorrow, is still waking up every two hours through the night. My oldest two sons are in 4th and 2nd grade and we’re doing My Father’s World’s first year of their five-year cycle – Exploring Countries and Cultures - in addition to their math, spelling, language arts (which I admit I pretty much don’t do), etc. Goose (5) and Girly Pie (3) are both what I consider preschoolers and I’m making every effort to actually do SOME preschooly stuff with them every day – some Cubbies verses for our Awana club, reading lessons for 5 year old Goose, some Rod and Staff workbooks, fun sticker books, puzzles, games and lots and lots of play dough. Bug is rounding the corner to two and I just can’t seem to squeeze all our school into his nap time anymore so he is more of an entity this year as well. He is NOT content to just sit happily at the table with a fun activity in front of him. No, he seems to think that school time is the one time of day when he wants, NEEDS Mommy’s full, undivided, direct attention. And he has no problem LOUDLY making this fact known. Of course as soon as I’m not trying to work with anyone else he’s happy to putter about quietly, contently, and independently. Did I mention he’s almost two? ;o) And darling little Sweet Pea naps through some of our morning routine but not all of it. She’s at the age where she is happy to crawl and play sometimes, hungry lots of other times, and wanting to be held and played with the rest of the time. Of course I love doing all these things with all of them - but they often overlap and I have to run triage a bit, so to speak.

And there is laundry and cooking and cleaning and and disciplining and friends to keep up with and appointments to schedule and diapers to change and sewing projects to sneak in and Christmas presents to plan and make and buy… and after all that is mostly done in a day there is of course my husband who still hopes to have a cheerful wife to come home to and enjoy each evening. And sleep is good. I like sleep. I do get some – that’s a good thing.

And the thing is - I LOVE everything I do. I am really enjoying the school stuff with my big boys this year and feel like I’ve really hit my stride for the first time as a homeschooler. I really enjoy the preschool time with my Middles. I really love having a toddler and watching him grow and learn and talk and discover. And having a baby to cuddle and love on is of course a daily joy and blessing. I love having a large family and seeing their relationships blossom and grow. I love my wonderful husband and enjoy the time I get to spend with him. Heck, I even enjoy doing laundry at this point. Crazy, but true.

And did you know I’m a Christian? Did I mention I know God? No? I didn’t mention that, did I?

You see, I do know God. I do know He is there and has handed me every single blessing and good thing in my life. And I love Him. And I am so, so, so thankful. Truly. I do give thanks in all circumstances. I see nothing in my life that I feel anything but thankful for.

But this full life of blessings is still… full. And I find less and less time to actually read the Bible. I pray constantly – all day long really. A constant connection to Him, reaching out all day long. But those long “real” prayers where you write stuff down and seek Him out and lift others up in prayer that I hear tell of – nope. Don’t do that. The kids and I read the Bible together daily for school time – but personal reading time, alone time “with God”? Nope. Don’t do that much at all. Honestly, I even get a little bummed when I hear people speak of a “close personal relationship” with Jesus. I think I know what that is, but I can’t say I have experienced it. I mean, maybe I have. I have felt close to Him. I know I love Him. I know He loves me. I can’t wait to meet Him in heaven and I hope I make Him proud. But close and personal doesn’t quite describe it. Respectful. Loving. Thankful. Honoring… but maybe even just a little bit distant. There – but not quite right HERE. Does that make sense?

I’m just being totally honest here. I’m sure it’ll get all kinds of offensive for someone, or will draw pity or contempt from others. I don’t know. But it’s the truth.

And the thing is – I’m OK with a little distant right now. Is that OK? I feel like I’m supposed to WANT close and personal, and that maybe I’m wrong for not. I wonder if I sound un-Christian to the right sort of people and when I read certain blogs or books that speak of all those things I start to get this sinking feeling that I’m doing it all wrong. That maybe the God I know and love, who loves me through thick and thin and understands when I’m busy living the life He gave me and loves me anyway is not the God that they are talking about. Maybe God is more judgmental and has a higher standard than I thought He did. I start to shrink down into my little cave and feel like I’ve not only failed all the other people out there whom I would consider my peers, but that I’ve failed Him somehow, too. Then I try to do more, shine more, look better, fill in a better Christian “resume,” you know?

And every once in a while He snaps me back to attention and turns my face back up to His and reminds me that I really, truly do not need to earn His love or His Grace. They are both free. Freely given, and His hope is that they will be freely received.

But sometimes when I spend too much time looking around at others I get it all muddled up in my brain and heart. I see the good in them and somehow turn that into an expectation upon myself to do better. Be better. Earn more of His free gifts of love and Grace.

So maybe that’s the distance piece? Maybe I take too much from the Christian culture around me and tell myself I’m distant. He’s distant.

Maybe it’s really OK that my days feel full – in a good way. Maybe it’s OK that I can’t check off the box of Bible reading and quiet prayer time every day (or week, or month, if I’m going to be perfectly honest…). Maybe I can teach and love and make a home for my family without a moment to spare every day – and feel stretched and full but happy and blessed. Maybe He knows that’s where I am today, in this season. Maybe he knows that six children nine and under, with babies 13 months apart means my arms are never empty – no matter what else might need doing.

I’ve heard people describe this stage in life as “running on autopilot.”

But maybe running on autopilot really isn’t the best way to describe it. I actually don’t quite feel like I’m on autopilot. I do feel like I’m so busy living each and every moment that I just can’t stop and ponder each and every moment the way I once could.

Maybe it’s kind of like the old “stop and smell the roses” saying. I am smelling the roses. All day long I smell roses. And daffodils. And lilies. And lilacs. I have a whole beautiful English garden full of lovely flowers to smell. And I love them all. But all I can do in this beautiful garden is walk around and smell the garden as a whole. I can’t really just smell the roses – because the lilacs are so fragrant right next to them. The perfume of the whole garden is beautiful and fills up all my senses. I can see the colors, textures and shapes, the light shining through the leaves and brightening up the colors around me even more. I can smell the fragrance. I can hear the birds chirping and the frogs croaking and the children playing. I can feel the warm sun shining on my face. All of it. Deliciously, all at once. Isn’t that what a garden is all about, after all?

But when I hear someone mention a rose I missed, or a tulip that slipped by unnoticed by me – I start to doubt if I’m doing right by enjoying the garden as a whole. As though I’m doing it wrong somehow.

But then my Gardener reminds me, when I take the time to listen to Him and block out the other garden guests around me, that He planted this garden, and He put me in this particular garden – as full as it is. And really, if He just wanted me to smell the roses, He would most likely have just planted roses for me.

But He didn’t plant just roses. And I like all the color and beauty of the wild, busy garden I’m in. I suspect He knew just what kind of garden was right for me. Those neat and tidy gardens that other people like never did appeal to me. Straight rows of bushes, everything in order, one pretty flowering plant amidst the many evergreen bushes and shrubs, and always so green and always neatly trimmed – but so… predictable. I have always been drawn to the gardens that are so full of color and life and variety that you can’t really pick out just one flower and love it best. You have no choice but to just stand there, in the middle of it, and take in the beauty of the garden as a whole. Sure, there are weeds down in there… but there are so many beautiful flowers to admire that you can’t even see the weeds hiding under them. And some things are overgrown and a bit messy even – but somehow that just adds to the beauty of it all. That has always been my kind of garden. And He knows it – which, again, is why He likely put me in this one rather than those pretty, neat and predictable gardens all around me.

To be perfectly honest there are times that I do get a little overloaded - when I'm so busy in my garden that I miss the smells and sights and sounds for a bit. I won't deny that sometimes I really do wish I could just smell roses every once in a while. After all, once upon a time my garden was small and I did smell only roses - but my roses grew and many more flowers have been planted since then. But I wouldn't give any of the beauty of it up. And I never long for the plain gardens. And I know that if I did just stop and smell the roses only, that I'd very quickly miss the colors and smells of the garden as a whole.

So that’s where I am. That’s why I haven’t written in a while. That's why I forget things and sounds distracted much of the time. I’m not sure I have much worth saying that anyone else cares to hear. But my little garden does need me and I do so love walking around in it, trimming a bit, watering a bit – but mostly just living in it and smelling all those many flowers. And somehow, it’s often hard to find the time to sit here at this computer and get all these wonderful thoughts on record in between piggy-backing nappers and growing children, but it does feel good to see it all written down in front of me.

So I am going to resolve to spend more time in the midst of my life remembering that my Gardener planted me here - and He wants me to enjoy this garden. The full, busy, wild beauty of it all. And I am going to stop comparing my messy, overgrown garden to the neat and tidy gardens that others have. And I am going to try to enjoy the beauty of this garden even more - and not feel guilt over the hidden weeds or the gangly lilacs. That is the hardest part for me... to let go of the guilt that somehow I'm missing something or doing something wrong and that enjoying it is not enough, but rather that I have to earn it. But I am going to remember that this garden was meant as a gift for me. And I am going to remember that my Gardener loves me, and I'm not going to let those neat and tidy garden dwellers make me feel like I'm doing it wrong or messing up His garden. But I also want to remember even more that my Gardener wants to enjoy it with me. SO I am just going to keep on walking through the garden and talking with Him as I do so.

And maybe in another season I'll be able to single out one flower or another to enjoy more thoroughly, or have long, uniterrupted talks with the Gardener - but I think it's OK to be doing it this way for now. I think this little garden is growing well and all of us who live in it are enjoying it immensely. And I think it's really going to be alright.

And maybe, just maybe, I can make a little more time to take notes and write down my adventures. It's been a while... but this was surprisingly fun and theraputic. ;o)

The Start to the New School Year

2011-08-15T13:53:00.001-07:00

Phew.

Day One of trying out a very, VERY light schedule (less than half of what I have planned when we really hit our full schedule) for the coming school year.

It was fun, it was full, it was good all around.

The things I've already learned:

8:30 is a completely unrealistic start time for us. Too many chores, too many mouths to feed, too many babies to hold and snuggle, too many children to talk to and actually parent and love on. No way we'll be pulling out books or Bibles or anything *official* before 9am.

We have a lot to do in any given day. Two babies, two preschoolers, two elementary aged children - plus laundry, meals, housecleaning, the list goes on... No wonder my free summer days have already felt full. Not quite sure how all the school year stuff is giong to fit in.

Now I remember why my house is messy through the school year. I have more spare minutes to tidy and organize through the summer. Once we get up and moving I suspect I won't really be cleaning until next summer. ;o)

Incentives work beautifully. I started offering up fun prizes (two pieces of gum, an ice cream cone, stuff like that) and letting the big boys bid for extra chores. Today I got an entire bathroom cleaned and my van cleaned out, vacuumed and washed, all for the cost of 6 pieces of gum. They're already eyeballing little odd jobs around the house and wondering if they can do them for more. Yay!

This year is going to fly by at break-neck speed and before I know it my baby girl will be walking and my oldest son will be ten and I'll not even have had time to blink!

And I didn't even do any of the school work from our ACTUAL curriculum. Today was just a dry run of getting moving and doing directed activity for the morning. We got lots of preschool time in, a big goal for me this year, but hardly any mom-directed elementary time. The big boys just did their independent stuff and that's about it. So we'll be working out quite a few kinks from the proposed schedule. And we'll be likely dropping a few things from the wishlist as the year goes on. And that's ok. Because my biggest goals for the year are about being a family. I want to enjoy my children and my husband, and I want my husband to enjoy us. I want my children to grow closer to each other and to God. I want to pour into my younger crew and not brush them aside all day for the "more important" schooling of my older children. I want to REALLY soak up my two babies because I know these young months are so very precious and short and I don't want to miss a thing.

So it was a good day. A full morning. Lots of smiles, lots of productivity, lots of life a' happenin'. And I hope to start up week one of our 34 week curriculum next Monday, but I am all about dropping the stuff that doesn't work for us and loving the stuff that does. This year I am leaving the guilt behind and just hanging on to faith instead! God put this family together, He is calling us to homeshcool, and if He thinks we can homeschool AND raise (and feed and clothe...) six small children, then we can. It may not look the way I plan it out, but it will be good.

And so it begins... bring on fall. I'm ready!

Goals

2011-07-18T20:11:00.001-07:00

My goals lately seem to fall somewhere in the "getting it done" category. I know there are seasons in life when those are good goals to meet. Getting anything done well or right is a bonus. Just getting it done at all is good enough though. And being a homsechooling mom to 6 children 9 and younger, the youngest two both just babies, I've definitely found myself falling into that mode of just doing what works - even if it's not the best.

But as my Sweet Pea is hitting the four month mark (I know. It still shocks me to even say it out loud. Four months. Wow.) I find my little fog clearing just a bit and I can see that "good enough" isn't really good enough.

Much of this awareness has fallen on my house which is in a bit of a shambles. I've tried to soak up every moment of Sweet Pea's first weeks and months, and I know I won't regret that time one little bit! The clutter piled, the organization fell by the way side, and I'm so thankful school was out when it was or I don't know what I would have done! And all that's OK in my book. Messes will still be there to clean, books will still be there to read, but my baby won't be a baby for long, so I want to take as much time as possible to enjoy her as I can.

But - as I come out of my New Baby Fog - I am starting to see that my enjoyment of Sweet Pea has left me cutting corners in areas where I shouldn't be, and where I don't want to.

I guess over the past few days (maybe weeks) I've started to realize that my goals with my children have been much more behaviorally focused. Correcting bad behavior, reinforcing good behavior, the usual. And I do believe it is good to correct bad behavior and to encourage good behavior.

But the problem is that behavior has become the main focus.

And that is a big problem. Because we are all people - fallen, sinful people - young and old alike. And I don't want MY attention on behavior to be what my kids think it's all about. After all, isn't that why Jesus died? Because God knew our behavior would never be good enough? We could never earn our way to heaven. So that's why He chose the plan that He did - to show us just how much we need His grace.

So as of today, my goal will be my children's hearts. To see them. To know them. To win them. To keep them.

This has been a goal of mine before, but it's harder to stick to it than one might think. Getting stuff done often feels more important in any given moment. Changing their behavior rather than their inward heart is a lot easier, to be honest.

But as I write all this, and as I ponder these thoughts I believe God has revealed to me, it occurs to me that when I focus on their hearts as God does - focusing on the heart of a man rather than on his outward appearance the way men do (see 1 Samuel 16:7) then their behavior will likely improve anyway. I'm going about it all wrong by making that the focus. I'm too tired to bring to mind any vivid analogies, but there are many (even in the Bible there are many!) out there to make the point that painting over the surface does nothing if the inside is missed.

So I am praying for God's help to see my children's hearts, to know them and to keep them. I want to be close to them, not just in charge of them. And I know this will challenge me. And I know it'll make other goals (like getting the house in order, for one, or finding any down time for myself in the day) much harder to meet. But I really do feel that God is calling me to do this right now.

So there it is. My new goal as a mother. It's not really even new at all. I'm just seeing my same goals in a different light, and seeing how my actions have not been in line with my heart's desire for our family. And how in my efforts to help my children behave better, and encourage them in Christian ways, I might be driving them away from a relationship with Christ rather than towards one by putting too much focus on behavior and outward appearance. I just pray that it's not too late and that God in His wisdom and grace will help me to do better, and that my children will love me enough to forgive my mistakes. And that I can be the mom God wants me to be. And the mom my children want and need me to be, too. I haven't much idea how to get there myself. I keep doing it all backwards. So this one will most definitely take divine intervention!

I'm very thankful that God is still in the business of answering prayers. ;o)

Six Reasons to Smile

2011-05-24T13:03:00.000-07:00

Of course there are a million other reasons to smile every day... but here are the reasons behind most of the smiles around here.

Punky - nine years old now and as handsome as ever. So much more "man" and so much less "boy" in him every day.

Finny - seven years old and such a delight. This boy has the sweetest heart ever.

Goose - just weeks shy of his fifth birthday and blowing our minds daily with his wit and intellect. This one is probably responsible for more laughs (and more brows furrowed in thought over insanely deep questions and observations) in a day than all the others combined!

Girly Pie - just turned three and so full of light and life she might just burst. Or she may fall to the floor in an emotional puddle of tears. You just never know with her... ;o)

Lellybug - fifteen months old and the sweet little prince of the family. This boy adds so much joy to our home!

And Sweet Pea - ten weeks old tomorrow and the pride and joy of all her brothers and her sister (and her Momma and Daddy, too). This little girl has a smile that can melt icebergs - and we all love that she sticks her tongue out almost all the time, too!

Some pictures

2011-04-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

Just a few pictures from Baby Girl's (I still need to come up with the right blog name for her...) first days, mostly of her siblings meeting her for the first time just an hour after she was born.

Girly Pie meeting her baby sister. She's so delighted to have a sister now. What a precious gift.

Goose thinks she's the most beautiful thing ever.

Sweet Punky. He is so amazing - and so proud to be the biggest brother. He thinks Baby Girl is the cutest thing ever, too.

My Amazing husband. Two little girls to raise now. He's thrilled... and terrified at the same time. ;o)

The whole crew of kiddos.

Finny is smitten. He may be the biggest baby lover of them all. Next to his Momma, of course.

Sweet Bug. He's only 13 1/2 months old, but so sweet and loves to cover Baby Girl with kisses.

Our sweet new baby girl.

Big brown eyes.

I love her little hands...

Cute girl!

Beautiful

2011-03-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm typing one handed and don't have any pictures in the computer yet to post and share - so this will be short.

But I wanted to quickly announce the arrival of our sweet new Blessing.

On Wednesday March 16, 2011 (9 days before I was due to deliver) at 5:52pm we welcomed our newest daughter to our family.

She weighs 7 pounds and measures 20 inches long.

She has a full head of gorgeous black hair and the prettiest features of any baby ever (though I'm sure I've made that statement at least five times before...) . Her eyes seem to be getting darker rather than lighter, so I think we'll have a brown eyed girl here, too. The last brown eyed baby I've held in my arms was my first born son - so we're all enjoying this novel "new" look - especially since her big sister is about as fair as they come.

She's beautiful. She's perfect. We are all completely in love with her. My husband is doing an amzing job of caring for us all as I rest these first days so that when I am back up and running I'll be better prepared to do all that God calls me to do for this beautiful family I am so blessed to be able to mother. The children are all pitching in a ton of help. God is so amazing and I cannot believe just how richly He has blessed us.

A loving, supportive, amazing husband. Four wonderful sons. Two beautiful daughters. The means to stay home to care for them all and even homeschool them. Words cannot describe how I feel to be so blessed. The only word that comes to mind these days is Beautiful.

I'll post pictures eventually - when I can take my eyes off of my baby girl long enough to get some on the computer. ;o)

Well off I go. Time to honor the request of my sweet Girly Pie as she went up to bed last night, "Remember to take good care of my new baby sister, Mommy!" So take good care of her I will. ;o)

Counting down...

2011-03-03T22:26:00.000-08:00

37 weeks.

I cannot believe that I have already been pregnant with this baby for 37 weeks. That sounds like such a long time, doesn't it?

But it feels like the blink of an eye.

My baby is due three weeks from now - and though I am so excited to hold him or her in my arms soon, I am definitely not done holding him or her in my womb yet.

The middle of the night wiggles. The kids feeling the kicks and squirms when I read to them. That sweet little foot parked permanently on my right side, just under my ribs. The full belly. The being of "We" rather than just "Me." It's all just so precious a gift, so beautiful a miracle.

I am so blessed to have been a part of this aspect of God's creation six times now. I wouldn't trade a moment of any of my pregnancies.

And I know I wouldn't trade a moment of any of my times with my newborns and babies and toddlers and children either... all of it has been such a glorious gift.

But 37 weeks - only 3 (plus or minus) left - this particular gift has a time limit. And this one is almost up.

So I am soaking in each wiggle, each foot jab, each head turn, each achy little contraction that is just slightly reminiscent of the labor to come, the beautiful moment of meeting this child for the first time - just on the horizon.

Everything is perfect. The lack of posting is only due to lack of time allotted to this machine - not due to lack of wonderful moments to write about. The children are all well. My sweet Little Bug just celebrated his first birthday last month, and Finny and Punky turned 7 and 9. Loose ends are getting tied up, to-do items are getting checked off as I prepare for the newest arrival. School is still being taught (and learned - though admittedly with less passion on both sides than was felt in the fall!). The freezer will be stocked in the days to come. The homebirth kit is ready and waiting. The boy and girl quilts I so badly wanted to make are sewn and done and sitting beautifully in the bassinet - and soon enough a baby will be in one of them.

And so begins this 38th week - and as I sign off, my sweet babe is hiccuping away. Oh how I'll miss those hiccups. But oh how cute they'll be in person, no doubt...

We must be doing SOMEthing right...

2011-01-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

There are definitely times as the mother of 5 (almost 6!) young children when I feel like somehow we are doing our kids a disservice by raising them in such a large family.

Most days I know it's all a good, beautiful thing. Most days (almost all days, really) I delight in watching them grow, learn and love together. I know that though they give up a few things, they gain so much that it's all the right thing. And besides all that, it's all been God's plan and not mine, so I know it can't be wrong. But when wading knee deep through the culture around us (no matter how hard I try to avoid it altogether) I do still see all of the smaller families and hear about all the one-on-one activities they do, and the opportunities available to children with only one or two siblings - and I have my moments of guilt. Not doubt so much, just guilt that our children will someday feel they missed out on something due to the big family.

But today I was delighted by a glaring reminder that for all they may be missing out on, our children really are gaining so much by being raised in and among so many other blessings.

This afternoon was Finny's 7 year well child check. And since I had so many questions regarding his allergy and sensory issues, and since my sweet Hubby was working from home and was available, I was able to take him alone to his appointment.

The appointment itself was mostly uneventful. Finny's still 50% on weight and 75% on height - same as always practically since birth. He's still got some issues with skin and behavior, but no real answers. Food stuff might help out a bit, but no magic cures there. His last remaining ear tube is concerning so I should call his ear, nose and throat specialist to see about surgery to have it removed. Nothing huge or shocking - all things I expected to hear.

But as part of the appointment with older children the doctors like to ask them a few thoughtful questions, I suppose to gauge their development intellectually and socially. The first two were fun to listen to Finny's answers - about what he was good at and what he was not so good at. But I was surprised by the third question, and delighted by Finny's answer.

Doc: "Finny, if you could have one wish, and you could ask for anything in the world - what would you wish for?"

(I sat there a little surprised myself and quite curious as to what his response would be - a new bike? A pool? A puppy? To end his allergy diet and eat anything he wanted? I waited with baited breath to hear, but I didn't have to wait long, as he answered without hesitation)

Finny: "A baby sister. 'Cuz I only have one sister."

Seriously. Of all the things in the whole wide world he could ask for - he asks for a baby sister. How sweet is that!?

So apparently at least one of my elder children is not too terribly put-out by the addition of a new sibling every year or two. I guess God knew just what He was doing after all when He planned our family out. Which I already knew, of course. ;o)

(and I'm pretty sure Finny will be delighted if it's a new brother on the way, too... though maybe that wish will become a fervent prayer at that point. Who knows?)

2010-12-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

I've had too much to do with my family and have found it difficult to spare my precious time to sit in front of my computer to post much at all.

And I'm not really posting now, since I think it would be more fruitful to go up to bed and read a book before falling asleep.

But I just had to write that I am sitting at my desk here and my unborn baby is wiggling sweetly (26 weeks tomorrow). My dryer is humming in the background and my five beautiful babes are asleep in their beds. My hubby is at his best friend's house for a much needed evening with his childhood buddies, so I am enjoying a quiet, peaceful evening alone. I feel so very blessed in this tiny little moment.

To get to feel the wiggles and kicks of this sixth little blessing - a child I always wanted but honestly never even dared to dream might really become a reality. And here he or she is, so alive, so active, so real and already a part of our family. And I look at the rest of them - from ten months up to almost nine years old - and I can hardly believe I am the one who gets the privilege and joy of raising them all.

Will the movements of a baby in pregnancy ever lose their novelty? Not for me. The novelty of having children, and watching them grow in their relationships with their parents and with each other? Nope. It still humbles me almost daily.

I am so very, very blessed. Thank you Lord. For everything.

Just another 24 hours...

2010-11-30T20:34:00.000-08:00

Mary Grace from Books and Bairns challenged us to record 24 hours in our homeschooling day for just one day. So I picked today.

Wow. I guess I do more in a day than I realize. Thanks for the idea Mary Grace! This was fun. Sorry if it’s too much detail for folks to read. But I had so much fun recalling the day’s events I just couldn’t cut corners! ;o)
3:11am: Poor Little Bug wakes up howling – he’s been sick since Friday night and just isn’t getting well. I gave him Motrin and he went back to sleep. For a bit.
5:27am: Little Bug is up REALLY howling this time. Starting to wonder if he has an ear infection? Hubby tries to settle him but Bug is up and down from that point on. Not sure if he slept more or not. I tried in vain but didn't sleep a wink more. So tired.
6:03am: I finally get the hint that Bug is not going back to sleep so I drag out of bed to throw on the comfiest pants I can muster up to my growing belly and the warmest double layer shirt I can pull down over said growing belly. Bug is really screaming now from his crib. I miss when he was not sick and would wake up happily and chat in bed until I could get in to grab him…
6:10am: Get Bug the bottle he’s desperate for (poor guys is borderline dehydrated with this diarrhea virus he’s had – he’s gone from mostly solids and the occasional bottle to mostly bottles and only snippets of regular food since Friday night). He is still clingy and sad but settles. Girly Pie wakes up while I am feeding Bug, Hubby gets her from her room and she snuggles on the couch with Bug and me. 6:20am: The three big boys all trot downstairs and join us on the couch for a story or two and some snuggles. But Bug is grumpy and doesn’t want anyone else to snuggle with me – besides, there’s no room between the fussing, squirming baby and the growing belly and the whining two year old who apparently has decided it’s going to be her way or the highway this morning – so we leave the big brothers to finish reading Girly Pie her second story and I get up to walk Bug around and start the morning going. I managed to throw a quick lunch together for my Hubby before he leaves for work.
7:00am: Hubby is gone for work, the boys are all rolling on chores by now and Bug is parked on my hip for the day (I did get him to be happy in the Ergo for much of the day too. Normally he’d be off crawling around and happily exploring his world – but this virus he’s got is just messing with his whole demeanor). I did some morning chores but I forget which specific ones. Laundry probably, and kitchen tidying, a few loose ends for school, helping Girly Pie get her baby dolls adjusted in their various strollers and baby carriers. ;o)
7:30am: Breakfast is served – boring old cereal with some kiwi on the side for fun. Finny is on a very strict diet right now after some blood allergy tests revealed issues with dairy, wheat, egg and peanut. At least with cereal I can just let him pick from the safe options and we move on. I’m still trying to get a better grasp of more exciting and healthy breakfast options.
8:00am: Boys are off to do their after-breakfast chores while I get moving more on my day – laundry, settling poor, sad Bug to his first early nap of the day, playing a bit with Girly Pie, cleaning up the house.
8:30am: I wanted to vacuum today but Finny volunteered to do it for me, so he and Punky got the rest of the floor clutter picked up and as I ran up and down and all around in my usual morning bustle the floors downstairs became clean – it was like magic! As a reward for being so sweet and volunteering, I let them have some bonus computer time and they played Jumpstart 1st Grade together before school time started. During this time I was able to have a nice little phone chat with my bestest friend Mary Grace. It was a lovely way to start the day. Finny was in a hurry to start school stuff (he was close in our little reward system to earning a trip to the prize box so he wanted to get a few boxes checked off first thing!) so he got right to work with Awana and math.
9:30am: Starting school later than I like, but the kids were enjoying the computer time and I was enjoying my friend chat, so there you have it. We started with our annual Advent time Jesse Tree Bible reading and ornament coloring. Girly Pie colored her ornament in fully – she has such attention to detail. Goose had no interest at all so he did some sequencing puzzles at the table instead. But we all were together at least. Today was Noah and the flood. Then we moved onto history where we studied Pennsylvania and its beginnings as the second state. Did you know the PA state dog is the Great Dane? And their state bug is the firefly. I think that must be the coolest state bug. Wonder what Washington’s state bug is. Haven’t gotten there yet – we weren’t brought into the union for quite a while.
10am (almost): Bug wakes up an hour earlier than he should- and he’s sad and cranky and he’s pooped through everything. The boys move onto some independent work while I take care of that. Bug is happy enough to ride in the Ergo while we finish up what we can of school. Punky does math corrections, Awana and some history reading. Finny does his phonics workbook and fixes some math he missed. Then he moves onto a couple of other things but I forget what they were. When Bug is all settled somewhere in there the boys make miniature Liberty Bells out of Styrofoam cups and tin foil. Finny quits early, Punky goes overboard and adds a ton of his own intriguing embellishments. The fun stuff bleeds into the day as he continues to build pirate hooks for himself and his brothers with Styrofoam cups and pipe cleaners with his spare minutes. Girly Pie manages to struggle with all her potty trips today and though she makes it each time she still manages to make a puddle a few times in there, so a few potty clean ups happened in that time. Goose mostly played on his own or with Girly.
11am: Lunch prep is underway. Finny has been disciplined a couple of times for a bad attitude but has recovered. He’s excited to read to me from his new reading series we’re working through. He’s starting the 14th of the 15 books in the series and his reading confidence and excitement has sky rocketed. He can’t wait to read to me – which is why his attitude stunk earlier because he couldn’t wait through all the other needs his siblings had for his chance to read me his Knight Fight book. But when we read it he did great and can’t wait to finish off the last book later in the week. All the sibs enjoyed sitting in on his reading and he even read one of the previous books aloud to Girly Pie while waiting for my undivided attention. Very cute stuff.
12pm: Lunch is done (Top Ramen for most of us, gluten free homemade chicken noodle soup leftovers for Finny, and sliced apples. Fancy stuff, I know.) and while I go up to read a nap story to Girly Pie with Goose and Bug along for the ride, Finny and Punky clean up the lunch stuff and finish making some observations in their science notebooks from a recent experiment involving wet bread, dry bread and mold production. As if we need a special experiment to tell us what the results of that would be – but it was fun to watch our bread turn blue anyway – and to not feel guilty that it happened due to my own lack of homemaking skills. ;o) The nap story was a new one from the library and Girly and Goose loved it.
12:15pm: Bug is restless, so I get him one more mini-bottle since he didn’t eat much lunch, and I read another book to Goose. He loved it. Trying to make more time for my pre-k set – they play so well together and on their own that they often fade into the background more than I like. Just today’s efforts were so rewarding I’ll definitely keep up the time directed at them, even if it’s just a few more book times carved out in the day between big kid school chunks.
12:30pm: Last bits of school work are finished up before rest, but a few things were missed so some will happen after rest today, which is not our norm. Science starts a study of birds this week – our family loves birds so this is exciting. We discussed warm and cold bloodedness and they found it fascinating. 1:10pm: Bug starts his second nap, big boys begin their quiet rest time. Today I split them up and Finny’s alone while Goose and Punky play together. Trying to let their three way friendship see some different angles – otherwise it’s lately been the two big boys against their little bro – but taking one big boy out of the equation always leaves the other one being friendlier towards Goose. Hope they can work that out soon – I hate to see him always being the third wheel.
1:10-2:20pm: Kids are all down resting or napping so I get some quiet time. I talked with another close friend about the joys parenting and some other mom type topics. Cleaned the kitchen up and sat quietly for a bit.
2:30pm: Girly Pie wakes up so we have some mommy/daughter time. We read a book or two and cuddled, tickled and talked before the boys rolled down from rest. It was lovely. Her hugs and her delighted squeals when she has my full attention are just so delightful. I am reminded again of how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to raise a daughter among all my handsome sons. God is indeed so good. Then we all shared in some fun play doctor time (You know, where you listen to their bellies with a toy stethoscope and hear a frog in there so you need to surgically remove it. Isn’t that how everyone plays doctor at their house?) Bug wakes up super sad again from nap, so doctor ends quickly and the kids play for a bit while I settle the poor, sick baby. We pull out my real otoscope and check ears. No one looks like they have an infection, but poor Bug still acts like it.
3pm: Girly Pie plays a Star Fall letter game on the computer while we do a few last school items (math, Awana verses with Goose, things like that) and Bug is finally happy enough to crawl around and play a bit as long as I am on the floor with him.
4pm: One last school item to do before the day is through – it’s been on and off school this afternoon, lots of breaks but still finishing a few things up. The highlight of the day though: while Goose and Girly watched a Super Why video on the TV (educational pre-reading show – but Goose was fading as his head cold kicked in. Did I mention that most of the kids seem to be coming down with a nasty cold?) I did music with Punky and Finny. As they colored a picture from the Nutcracker and Bug spun around in the Johnny Jump Up I read a few things aloud and then we listened to snippets from the ballet itself. It was so cute to watch Punky and Finny dance around the family room as Bug spun and jumped and twisted to the music (He was TOTALLY dancing! So sweet!). That was the moment that made all the rough moments of the past week fade away as I remember just why it is we homeschool. My children love each other, and we’re learning about fun things that are really worth our time. The baby likes Tchaikovsky and the big kids think it’s the best thing ever to dance around the room with a baby in a jumper. Girly and Goose soon joined the fun.
5pm: Dinner is almost lost – we’re out of ketchup which is the main ingredient in my taco meat (sounds gross but it’s really good). Thankfully my friend C is dropping by some library holds she was kind enough to pick up for me (we keep getting sick so I can't even get to the library to grab my holds!) and she was able to grab a bottle of ketchup on her way over to save the day. Yay! And then Bug has another blow out in his diaper. Poor guy!
5:40pm: Baby is fully clean again, kids are hungry and ready to eat. Dinner is eaten happily by all without a crumb left. Hubby makes it home in time to scarf a few tacos down before he and Punky head out to Punky’s 4H archery club.
6:15pm: Hubby and Punky head out, Bug gets one last bottle (poor guy won't eat a bite so all I can do is give him bottles to keep him hydrated and fed!), Finny takes over as eldest in the house and leads the way for Goose and Girly. He is so sweet when he’s the big kid on duty! He always thinks of the best games to teach them, even retelling fairy tales and playing parade. So sweet! Again I am reminded of how blessed I am as I watch different dynamics unfold in my family and I see all the beautiful little souls I have been blessed to raise. Poor Bug smells awful from a day full of yucky diarrhea so he gets a bath all by himself while the other three play happily down the hall. He's finally happy after bath and crawls around fora bit before he crashes again. The other three have fun crawling around with him. Cute stuff.
7pm: Bug is happily in bed, Girly gets her story time, Goose and Finny start a fun brother game in their room. Sweet hugs and snuggles with my girl before bed.
7:20-7:40: I play Playmobil with Finny and Goose and we video record scenes of the bad guy being brought to justice in the local jail (Finny’s Superman blanket). Then we read If You Give A Mouse A Cookie and I think how much that feels like my life. Especially when I look at the last picture of the happy mouse eating yet another cookie, and the exhausted boy collapsed in a heap of messes all around him. ;o) The boys decide to have a sleep over on their floor so they are in sleeping bags with a flashlight reading books and saying prayers together as I leave their room. SO CUTE!
7:40pm: Kids are all down, dog needs to potty, once I get settled I sit down to organize some pictures on the computer and type up this 24 hour day. Noticed baby wiggling some while I sat. I feel him or her through out the day, but find very few moments to just sit and "be pregnant." I sure do enjoy those wiggles as they happen, though! 23 1/2 weeks, FYI.
8:40pm: Chat with Mary Grace about baby bedding (So fun!) while I clean up the kitchen dishes.
9pm: Hubby and Punky return from archery. I tuck Punky into bed after 9. Late night for him. Then back to work on picture organizing and 24 hour recording again.
10:27pm: I’m finished now with this 24 record and need to go to sleep. I will head up to bed in a few and hope I get to sleep past 5-something tomorrow. But if not, apparently I can still have a lovely, blessed, full day. Maybe tomorrow I’ll actually squeeze in that Bible time I keep telling myself I’ll do every day. I feel terrible about that - but I really do wonder just where to find that time each day. Sigh. Tomorrow is a new day. ;o)

Little Bug

2010-10-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

My littlest man is rounding towards the nine month mark faster than I ever thought possible. He's crawling, cruising, navigating the stairs at an alarming speed, and charming everyone he meets. Little Bug is the cutest, sweetest little thing I think I've ever seen (though my short term memory tends to think that about each of my babies when they are at this age).

Just wanted to share two recent pics of my cute, shaggy Little Bug.

(His curls are fading as his hair gets longer - but I can't quite bring myself to cut it back for fear that I will lose the curls forever!)

(Bug's sporting one of his new bumGenius Flip diapers here. I'll have to post another time about why we dumped the FuzziBunz and went back to bumGenius for their 4.0's and Flips - but regardless of the history there, who can resist a cute coth diapered crawling bum shot!?)

Ponderings

2010-10-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

I have had a headache for the past three days - and now as the day fades into night I am FINALLY beginning to feel a little more like my old self.

It's amazing what a few days straight of pain will do to a soul. By last night I was feeling completely defeated, discouraged - like a failure as a mother and wife, stretched beyond my means and falling pathetically short as a follower of Jesus. I went to bed knowing in my soul that all I believe is true and that I am truly blessed - but in my mind and heart I felt so broken I just felt like all of life is a burden too great for me to carry and I wondered how I would ever survive the next day, let alone the rest of my life. (I get BAD headaches... migraines in the past but they are usually controlled with a few minor trigger foods I need to avoid, and this three day whopper had me down on my knees more than once! Give me drug free labor at home any day - but a splitting headache? No thanks. I'm too much of a wimp for that!)

This morning was a little better, but I was bummed to wake up after a great night's sleep and as much acetaminophen as is safe to take during pregnancy with the "shadow" of my headache still there, knowing full well that an hour or two on my feet would bring it back full force. I was still down and depressed, still slugging through the gifts of my life. I got breakfast done and on the table. I kissed my Man goodbye. I carried the baby and directed the traffic of a full morning of chores and play. But my heart was nowhere near "in it."

And then this afternoon - after a morning full of wincing and enduring and even a bit of whimpering - my final snooze and one last desperate prayer for relief so that I could again do all that I am called to do seemed to do the trick. I got off the couch as Girly Pie woke up from her nap and I felt only the slightest twinge of reminiscent pain. I was free! The spell of my three day pseudo-migraine had finally been broken - and my spirit was full once again!

So I write all this not to complain about my pain, or even really to rejoice over the relief of the pain (though let me tell you there has been much rejoicing and praising!). I mention it to explain the thoughts that come to my mind when I go through something like this.

First of all, I always end a pain spree (or a stomach flu or high fever - any really miserable physical time) full of thanks to God for the relatively healthy body and life with which He has blessed me. It's so easy to take for grated the million and two times each day I bend down to kiss a short little bundle of cuteness - until I'm on the couch for a week unable to move due to back spasms (last December while pregnant with Little Bug). It's easy to gloss over the fact that I can prepare three + meals for and clean up after 6 loved ones in this house each day, all while homeschooling them and keeping up with a little one or two (or three...) - until I spend three days wishing I could just melt away in bed and feeling pity for these poor children that are doomed to call me their mother, knowing I am in no way giving them all the love and care they deserve. Every healthy day of my life there are an uncountable number of moments that I take for granted as just another part of life - healthy children to fill my arms and lap, a hard working husband who loves, cares and provides for us, the means to stay at home, the opportunity to homeschool, a body that can do all it needs to do and do it joyfully and easily. And in all honesty, not one of those moments should be taken for granted. Not one of those blessings should be overlooked or taken lightly. And yet they are. I am so blessed that I don't even know how blessed I am. And sadly, it takes a day or two of losing one of those blessings (physical health and comfort) to remind me just how precious each healthy day is.

And that leads me to my second point - how weak and frail my faith, hope and joy are. How strong of a Christian would I be if I lived in am impoverished country and got one square meal a week? What would my faith look like if I feared every day that my husband or my children could be killed (or worse)? What would it look like if I had to face the loss of my husband or one of my precious children? I am too weak to even endure three days of physical pain (and minor pain compared to many in the world at that) without doubting and feeling sorry for myself, falling short of what I am called to do and losing the joy I should have in each thing I am blessed to do.

It has been an afternoon of humbling thoughts as I ponder these things. I am glad to know that it was the pain and not actually my own heart that was feeling the doubts and worries and hopelessness that consumed my last few days. But it makes me wonder just how deep that faith is - how far would I trust God? I am thankful He has never fully tested me on that (and is it wrong to hope that He never does?), but I am ashamed to admit that this teeny tiny trial has me wondering. And it makes me feel for people with long term physical ailments, or depression (even postpartum depression - when you are in that fog you cannot see the light!) or other struggles. It's so easy to forget that your body, your health, your very mind are all gifts from God - and not to be taken for granted.

So there you go. The random ramblings of a pregnant woman coming off a few days of pain. ;o) I am feeling much better now, and once again enjoying my husband, my children and my home. I again see God's gifts in my life and want to follow whole-heartedly. This evening when I feel this newest little Gift wiggling away in my belly I can feel the thrill of knowing we have been blessed with a new life and we will get to welcome a new little person into our home in a few months - rather than feeling the wiggle and wondering just how on earth I'll ever manage with six children, two of which only 13 1/2 months apart (yes - that's how miserable I was!).

So off I go to enjoy a movie with my Hubby and then to sleep off the last remnants of this headache. Thank you Lord for my life, and for healing. Thank you for the perspective check. And for the grace and love You show to look past my weaknesses, no matter how big and blaring they may be.

School Days

2010-10-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

School was great today – For Bible we got into a very cool conversation about how Jesus is the light of the world, but that since He is no longer here in our world that His light shines through His spirit working in His followers. It was neat to watch my 6 and 8 year old sons chime in and brighten up at the thought of how light we as believers can make the world just by letting Jesus' light shine through us, and how dark the world would be if all of us as Christians took His grace and salvation and kept it to ourselves and lived just as dark of a life as others do. I love that a 2-3rd grade curriculum gets me thinking deeply about God's work and light in the world as well as my kids. ;o)

We made oiled paper windows like the pilgrims for history after our reading time. It was fun to do and interesting to see how the oil effected the paper. The reading was enjoyable, too. So far there hasn't been a single reading portion in any subject that we haven't all enjoyed.

For science we went out back and measured out how big the star Betelgeuse would be if the sun were only an inch in diameter. It was pretty cool to look at the entire yard and call it one star, compared to a paper circle in our hand that was our sun, and then to know that our earth was only a dot compared to either – and that we as individuals are microscopic in comparison to any of it. And that God made the whole universe massive enough to house billions upon billions of stars – many even bigger than Betelgeuse – was a pretty cool realization.

We also enjoyed our read aloud and I was begged again for “just one more chapter!” I did the reading while they boys worked on their art lesson - they are doing great and learning a lot. There are frustrating moments as the difficult techniques are learned, but they are both enjoying the fruits of their hard labor.

In between the core subjects where we all worked together, we snuck in some individual Awana time for memorization and math for both boys. Finny also got some reading time with me and our current book Stories of Dragons which is hard work for him but he's enjoying the stories.

I have noticed lately that Finny is struggling with some areas of reading that I think a phonics program might help with. I never did a phonics program for Punky, and though he had some weak areas in reading, the gaps just filled themselves and one day he just picked up the right book and took off reading and never looked back. The child is 8 1/2 and can read through a couple of 2-400 page Redwall novels in a week if he really felt like it - so I just assumed for a while that Finny would hit the same stride soon enough. But Punky did struggle with spelling, and as I always do from my first to my second, I noticed that possibly it was my lack of instruction in certain areas that made for his difficulties, so I'm going to at least try to work through those things with Finny (and the rest, I imagine) with the right tools and not just "wing it" with everything. So today we did our first phonics worksheets, and I was delighted to see that Finny actually enjoyed the work and felt so proud and confident afterwards. So I think it's a good thing. His new A Beka Letters and Sounds workbooks will arrive next week, and though I avoid workbooks in almost every topic but math, I think they will be a really good fit for this particular boy in this particular area.

And for lunch we got to celebrate the accomplishments of both of my elementary students in their efforts to do some (rather mundane for them) handwriting review work over the past three weeks by eating a delicious homemade alphabet soup lunch. I bought the alphabet noodles but put together my own broth and was thrilled to find that all but one of my kids LOVED it. It is hard to find lunches around here that get rave reviews from the majority of people, so I don't take a meal like that for granted. ;o)

So that was our morning in a nutshell. All in all, I have to say that I am REALLY enjoying this school year so far. I know it's only 5 weeks in, and I know we're still not quite at 100% of our work load - but the My Father's World program that I really feel God led me to in answer to prayer has really been a great fit for our family. It's been enough work to keep everyone challenged and learning, but not so much as to bore the boys or overwhelm them (or me!). The planning is minimal for me, and for the first time in a long time I have kids asking for school work by topic. After seeing grumbles last year (and most years, really) when anything remotely educational came out, it is so refreshing for me to hear Punky ask, "Do we get to do science today!?" or to have Finny beg for the timeline figures to color during our history session. In fact most of the complaints I get this year are when we DON'T get to do something - the days we skip science get a frown from Punky, and the days without music or timeline figures get booed by Finny. If we don't have a read aloud, they both are disappointed, and going to rest time without doing an art lesson is just no fun at all. ;o) Our Friday nature walks are amazingly popular, too (not surprisingly!).

So for now - 5 weeks in - I'm giving our curriculum and our school year two thumbs up. There are topics (mostly science) and days when I feel like it's almost too easy and that they might benefit from a heavier load, but then I am happily reminded that my oldest is only in 3rd grade! I have five very young children, and a sixth will be joining us in the spring. The number of unschooled Littles in this house is far greater than the number of actual students I am accountable to each day. So the fact that we have too easy of work many days is no problem at all. I have children excited for school! I am a momma who still has time to hang with her hubby in the evenings and make meals three times a day for her family - and I'm still keeping up on laundry to boot! My littles still get much of my time and attention through the day, and I'm not so overworked by the load that I feel too drained to enjoy their antics and games. The planning for school is done for me and I had no idea what a burden that was to have lifted from my shoulders.

My children are learning, I am living, and we are all enjoying the whole kit-and-caboodle. That for me makes it the perfect combo for this current year, in this current season of life.

And I am joyfully praising the Lord for answering my prayers for direction in schooling so clearly!

Secrets...

2010-09-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

A little something to watch for any who might care to know a little something of a secret I've been keeping...

Life's a Beach

2010-09-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well here I am sitting in a hotel room in Ocean Shores WA for our annual family vacation to the beach. My five little ones are asleep in the adjoining room behind me and my dad and hubby are off doing guy stuff for the evening so I'm here in the hotel room with nothing but my 6 year old's box of soccer fundraising candy and my hubby's laptop. I have no dishes to clean and no laundry to fold so I thought I'd use my time to do something I find little time to do at home (where there are ALWAYS dishes to wash and underwear to fold!) and post a little something here on my mostly neglected blog. ;o)

So first I'll talk about our first week back at school. We had a really great week - which is saying a lot since more days than not we had one or two sickies floating around the house. On Monday poor Girly Pie had that awful fever, and I think it was Wednesday when Goose was down. Friday was our mellow day with school when we did our first nature walk but Finny ended up getting hit that day. Punky didn't get it until the weekend, but at least they all got it and got over it BEFORE our trip to the beach. Phew. God sure came through on THAT prayer! But even with the breaks for fever checks and vomit and potty runs (oh yes - it was that kind of bug!) we still managed to get everything on our list done for the week. And more than just getting stuff done - the kids and I really enjoyed all that we did! History was fun with some timeline work and a couple of maps. We did a quick overview of Vikings and their discovery of North America and what sick kid doesn't want to watch an hour or two of Nova Viking videos on the couch? ;o) Art was great, science was interesting. It was all good stuff.

I didn't really realize Finny was as sick as he was until after we had already begun our nature walk on Friday - poor kid got home and measured 102 or something awful like that. But he was so cute: On the way to the walk he told me he didn't really want to go and that he didn't think nature walks would be fun. But as he sat there drawing his very detailed sketch of the slug he chose to observe for his object in nature he said to me, "Nature walks are fun. I didn't think I'd like them but I actually do." Cute boy. I realized afterwords that his reluctance to go was mostly due to the fact that he was so sick. But still.

So Week One is finished and I'm looking forward to the weeks to come. I can't say what a blessing it has been to me to see God's hand in choosing our curriculum this year. I had no idea when praying over the coming year what it would really look like for us, but I can already see how much I really needed an open-and-go kind of curriculum. I LOVE the idea of planning each little thing out and customizing each topic to each child's needs and learning styles. But the reality is that I have five children, a house, a husband, a few friends, a church, meals to cook, rooms to clean, the list goes on. And the amount of energy and time it takes me personally to research the educational options, then plot out what to learn and when to learn it, then to study up on the topics enough to know how to even put together a unit on anything we decide to study pretty much takes up all that I have for the piece of my pie I have available to devote to homeschooling. And that doesn't even include the actual time spent TEACHING the stuff to my kids! And I also have to remind myself that all those hours I pour into schooling right now are really only benefitting one of my children, possibly two if you count that I mostly have Finny sit in on Punky's stuff. Of my five kids, only one is really at the age where that kind of education hits home. So my other four (or three if you just lump 6 year old Finny up in the school age category) are left with that much less of me - and they are at ages where they really do still need a lot of me!

So it's no wonder I was feeling burned out by the end of last year. I had put so much pressure on myself to do it all, but I think I had somehow gotten the idea that the only way to homeschool was to do it all like that. But now I can just have my library books ready, do school and enjoy it during the time I've scheduled for school with the two bigger boys, and the rest of my time can be spent reading stories to little guys and watching Little Bug take his first crawling steps and cleaning and cooking - and, you know, sleeping and breathing and actually making eye contact with my husband. Little things like that.

I know the open-and-go style isn't for everyone, and it might not even work for me beyond this year. I'm sure when more of my kids are school-age than not it will be much easier for me to justify all those hours in the day being devoted to that one part of our life. But for now I still feel so blessed that God knew just what would work for us this year and that He so faithfully led me to it when I sought him out in prayer.

So that's school stuff. I might go to bed soon but first I'll just add that we're having a GREAT time here at the ocean! The weather is cool and windy - but it's the Washington coast. I think it's pretty much always cool and windy so we're pretty well used to that. The kids have spent the past day and a half swimming like crazy in the hotel pool and running and digging and exploring the beach and the dunes. No major sand castles have yet been constructed, but they did dig a well and try to fill it with sea water. But you can imagine how well that worked out. At low tide. With two small buckets and one deep hole in the sand. And a little brother filling the well with sand when no one was looking. ;o)

We also found a dead sea otter. My dad laughed out loud after he told me he'd found it. My first question was, "Is it gross-and-nasty-kind-of-dead or go-get-the-kids-and-show-them-kind-of-dead?" Apparently he was thinking like a protective adult, not like a home educating mother of boys. I mean what young boy wouldn't want the chance to see a big sea creature up close, dead or not? And yes, we did go see it. And yes, it was fascinating. And no, it wasn't all old and rotten which is how I could stomach taking them to look. ;o)

So still to come in the week is a trip to the local mini-golf place and a night out at the "fancy" restaurant in town (like an up-class Denny's I'd say, or a low-class Keg) and a whole lot more beach combing and pool swimming. We'll make ourselves sick on fish n chips and continental breakfast waffles and by the time Friday rolls around we'll be cranky, sandy, exhausted and ready to head home - and completely content and refreshed after a wonderfully long week of family fun!

So that's life around here in a nutshell. Hopefully I can post some pictures of the ocean once I get home and clean all the vacation laundry. ;o)

Perspective

2010-08-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

You know how you can take something for granted when you have it all the time? I think that is how I used to be with alone time with any of my kiddos. But now that I have a handful of them, those moments of time alone with any one of them are just precious to me.

I've never been the mom to want to drop my kids to run off and do my own thing. Quite the contrary, actually. But I did still take for granted the many wonderful moments I had with them when I only had one or two (or three or four...). I've always wanted a whole passel of children, and more often than not I'm quite happy to just be with all of them enjoying the hustle and bustle of a lively and loving family. And even now there are times when I know I COULD pull just one of them aside - but to be completely honest I choose to just take that moment for just my own quiet alone time. And sometimes I need that alone time. Don't we all?

But today I decided to take the last 30 minutes of my kids' rest/nap time and pull my Goose from his rest early to just have some Mommy-Goose time with him. He is solidly the middle child - one sweet boy in the middle of 5 kids - and he is more often than not happy to do his own thing and fade quietly into the background, just checking in now and then for a happy smile or a goofy comment. His presence is always a joy, but he is often the one to just join the group. When it works for us or the situation he's one of the Big Boys. When it suits us better he's just one of the Littles.

So time alone with Goose is one of those precious things. And today I did make the time to just spend a half hour baking cookies with just my Little Big Man. And it was by far the happiest, most enjoyable chunk of my day. And I had an AWESOME day so that's saying a lot!

We chatted and I got to watch him slowly work his way through measuring and scooping flour. I was able to take the time to teach him a few tricks and we both had a wonderful time.

Now a few children ago that would have just been a nice moment, one of many I'd had and a happy addition to the day. But now - with five of them and those quiet moments much fewer and further between - it was one of those precious memories that may just last me a lifetime (of course my memory is not what it used to be so don't quote me on that...). And it inspires me to make more efforts to take a half hour here or an afternoon moment there to just take aside one of those precious gifts God has given to me and pour into just them alone, and allow them to just have all of me for that time, and to give all of themselves right back to me in return. Yes - I need my alone time. But today I realized that sometimes I actually enjoy the company of my children in those quiet moments more than I do just my own alone self.

First Day of School

2010-08-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well - we did it! We started school today with one 3rd grader, one 1st grader, one early preschooler (Goose is 4 but his late birthday makes him more of a three year old pre-k'r as he won't start K stuff until he's 6), one toddler and a six month old.

This is our first year trying a whole boxed curriculum and we're doing the 2/3rd grade year of My Father's World - a one year introduction to American History and a brief overview of the states. The program this year is called Adventures in My Father's World. I'd love to stick with MFW for the long run - but I'm experienced enough to know that I don't even know what this year will look like let alone several years down the road! So one day, week, month and year at a time! But so far it looks good.

So a few highlights from our first big day of the 2010/2011 school year:

Just to test my resolve to start the year today my sweet little Girly Pie decided to get horribly sick. She was up a few times in the night and even threw up once. I had hoped that was a fluke (she's working on 2 year molars and the throw up was after a medicine dose), but today the poor thing has had a temperature of around 102+/- even with ibuprofen and threw up again at one point. I would have sacked school normally, but for reasons I'll go into later I really do need to start in a timely manner this year. And for the most part GP wanted nothing more than to be cuddled up on the couch watching Dora the Explorer. She also took a long morning nap so I used that time to get school stuff done, too.

So while Girly Pie was parked on the couch (and for much of the morning Goose too - because when Dora's on how can you tell the four year old he can't watch it!?) we did school stuff. One of the things I like about MFW is that they start the year off at a slow and easy pace - which is great for us and even more great considering how my baby girl felt today! So we didn't do any math or spelling or language kind of stuff today. We just did history, Bible and art, plus some fun intro activities.

For Bible this year we'll be studying the names of Jesus, so this week is just a fun intro to names and their meanings. So we talked about names and looked up the meanings of names of people we know. Tomorrow we'll go into more detail on the meanings of Punky and Finny's names in particular. Sorry - no pics of that activity, but it was fun flipping through our baby name book looking up friends' names!

For history today we set up our timelines, put up the first couple of timeline figures and started our U.S. History Notebooks. The timelines were fun (the focus of the year is U.S history so that's why the timelines are not terribly long and why they cover such a short span of time) and I can tell the boys will enjoy filling in both their notebooks and their timelines with some great work this year.

Another really fun part of MFW is their "Book Basket" time. I just keep a basket stocked with library books from their list in the back of my instructor's guide (the list is even broken down week by week so I can easily make my holds ahead of time and just pop the right week's worth of books into their basket) and the boys have a set time of the day when they are to just sit and look through those books. Punky can read, Finny is still working on it, but even just flipping through fun picture books of the historical topics is fun. They enjoyed that part of the day today, and I've planned for their book basket time to be a very focused time for me to spend with the littler guys. Today that meant mostly Goose since Girly Pie napped so early. So we just read and did a fun alphabet activity during that time.

My Hubby has Mondays as office days at home, so he was around for our first day. He is working on the keyboard here learning a new tune while the boys work on their book time and Goose shows off his clipping activity. Goose struggles with holding pencils, crayons, eating utensils (everything really) properly and with any strength, so we're doing a lot of activities this year to strengthen his hands and improve his "three finger grip," including this chip clip activity. He is so cute and so proud every time he covers the bowl with the clips. And even with one a few scattered tries at it he is already much better and coordinated with the clips. He may actually be able to hold a crayon by the end of the year! (which by the way is my big goal for my little third born man - my goals for Punky at age four were unfairly higher and way less exciting for my little first born man, but you live and you learn, right?)

The unanimous favorite activity of the day was the Patriotic Snack. We layered yogurt, strawberries and blueberries in glass cups for a red, white and blue treat. Everyone loved dishing up their own cups and even Daddy enjoyed the school treat.

We also did art which both big boys loved! It's the "I Can Do All Things" book by Barry Stebbing. We'll see if the excitement lasts but so far I think it's a good fit.

Little Bug was asleep for most of our school time, but when he was awake he was as delightful as ever, scootching around the house and getting into everything we left on the floor - smiling and squealing with delight.

So that is our first day of school in a nutshell. I know the days will be filled to the brim soon enough as we add in math, spelling and the rest, but I still hope to be done with school stuff by 1:00 every day - I think it's doable and so far it looks like much of the work we'll be doing is enjoyable for all. I have been so excited to see what God has in store for us this year, and so far - even with a sick one in the house - I'm as encouraged as ever. Hopefully the updates continue to be happy! ;o)

Six Months

2010-08-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

My Baby is six months old. How can that be? And yet, he is. As a matter of fact he'll be seven months here in about a week and a half, I'm just a little late in getting to post six month old thoughts and pics of my littlest man.

Little Bug is the cutest, happiest, smiliest, drooliest, spittiest, most content, most endearing baby on the planet.

He has been mobile for weeks now, scooting, inching, caterpillar- and army-crawling his way around quite efficiently. He still can't sit very well but he's close.

He loves his Momma and Daddy and brothers and sister - and whenever he sees anyone he loves his whole face lights up and his fat little cheeks stretch to the point of bursting - then he starts swinging his arms and bicycle kicking his legs like a wild man. There is no way to even try to resist smiling back - it's absolutely impossible to keep a straight face when he does that.

Little Bug has the bluest eyes and they are so full of light and life and love. When he smiles they light up and make him even more irresistible than usual.

He is a character - he has a temper like no baby I've ever met (and I've met a lot of them!) so it's best not to cross him if you can help it. As delightful of a baby as he is, I have to say I'm a little nervous at the thought of him as a two year old. But we've got a ways to go before we meet two year old Little Bug so I'll enjoy the sweetness now while it's here for the taking. ;o)

His expressions are hilarious. His will is strong. His curiosity is intense and his love for others amazing. His curls are still there (Bestill my heart, a curly headed child - I didn't know it was possible with our genetics!) and his hair is still a disheveled mop most of the time. His cheeks are edible and his neck is scrumptious. His thighs are massive and his ankles non-existent (we call those cankles around here). Chubby fingers and fat little wrists - oh the sweetness of a chunky little monkey.

Oh the darling beauty of our sweet Little Bug. His joy is contagious, his smile infectious. Thank you Lord for the gift of our Little Bug. We love him so.

Goose Turns Four

2010-07-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

It's too late and I'm too tired to write about all the fun times we had last Thursday when my sweet little Goose turned four. I hope to sit down another time and put a little more effort into sharing the fun we had as we celebrated the big day together.

But I did just have to post a couple of pictures of my boy on his big day. Can you guess what theme he chose? He'd been talking for MONTHS about the big Soccer Birthday he wanted. The child has never even played soccer himself, but his Daddy played a ton and he's watched his two big bros play on teams for a few years now.

Sweet, funny Goose. That boy steals our hearts on a daily basis. He's the funniest, cleverest, most amazing four year old I know - Oh how blessed I am that he calls me Mommy.

An Oldie but a Goodie

2010-07-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there is a reason that classic toys are just that...

Classic.

Last night I did some rearranging and pulled some old baby toys back into rotation for Little Bug. The other kids haven't seen them in quite a while, so whenever I rotate toys it's like we just got home from the toy store. ;o)

Girly Pie found the old Fisher Price donut ring stacker this morning and was smitten with it at first glance.

Something about that little toy has drawn in each and every one of my children at all different ages. The babies love to eat the rings. The toddlers love to wear the rings. The preschoolers tend to use the post as a sword and redistribute the rings all around the house so I spend the next several months trying to collect all five of them so I can put the toy away again (actually so do the school age kids, but I digress...). When they first hit the point of trying to stack them, the babies and toddlers always get them out of order and though some may patiently work at getting it right at times, most just proudly display the three rings they managed to fit on there and move on to something else. Then they grow a bit, and the stacker comes back into rotation (because inevitably another baby has come around...) and suddenly like magic they are able to stack all five rings in order without even breaking a sweat. It's amazing. It's inspiring. It's just plain fun.

And then of course once they've mastered it they lose all interest - and so it becomes a sword once again - and back it goes into the closet until - you guessed it - the next baby is ready to chew on the rings again.

So today when Girly Pie sat down on the kitchen floor I was not surprised to see then new knowledge of size comparison dawn on her as she started to put the rings onto the post. It only took her a few minutes to master, and she, just like her brothers in years past, was thrilled with herself.

I give it less than a week before she moves on - but none the less it was a great moment - and the pictures turned out beautifully, to boot. ;o)

Back to School Shopping...

2010-07-08T21:54:00.001-07:00

Normally I'm pretty disgusted by the media's hype on Back-to-School shopping just as we clean up the fireworks on the driveway from the 4th. As if anyone is thinking about backpacks, sweaters and jeans when the weather just FINALLY turned summerish. And of course there will be Halloween decorations out come August and Christmas stuff will be on the shelves before the leaves have even hit their full fall glory. Really, the buy it now and buy it early mindset is pretty irritating, to say the least.

But when it comes to homeschooling, there are certain things that you really do need to plan ahead and prepare for. So as of spring my prayers and research began on what to do with the coming school year, and once the planning was mostly done it was time to actually do some purchasing. Yes, it's still only the first week we've been able to pull out the pool this summer. But if I wait until school really is starting I'll never be ready to start when I need to.

Well, my curriculum arrived a couple of weeks ago. I just ordered the bulk of the extras I needed for the year (art supplies, math books, paper, a few random books we wanted to have around) from Rainbow Resource and Amazon, and everything should be here in the next two weeks. All I have left to buy are the random things that I couldn't find online but are easy to get at Target or the grocery store (three ring binders, spiral notebooks, that kind of thing). Oh and I'm sure they'll all be needing a few pairs of pants and shirts in the next size up come the cold weather, but I'm nowhere near even thinking about that yet!

All in all, for only being July 8th, I think I'm doing pretty well so far in preparing for the coming school year. I'm excited, I'm having fun working out the details, I can't WAIT to break into my box of art supplies and goodies... I feel like it's going to be a good year. A great year. I prayed for guidance and clarity in which direction to go this year, and God was faithful. So I trust that the year ahead will be blessed.

And I am so excited to do it all! For me that's pretty cool, as often I get nervous and apprehensive about starting a school year.

So 2010/2011, third grade, first grade, pre-k, toddler, baby - HERE WE COME!

But - I'm sure glad to be able to sit back and enjoy the summer in the meantime. ;o)

Five Months

2010-07-06T13:47:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe it - but it's true. My sweet Little Bug turned 5 months old this morning at about 5:24am. Wow. Can it possibly have been that long since I first laid eyes on my sweet little man? It feels like just yesterday and yet at the same time it feels like he's been in our family forever.

Bug is now grabbing toys and maneuvering them around in his mouth like a champ (so good now that he's teething in earnest!) He's the charmed prince of the family and each and every one of his siblings adores him to pieces. The poor child never has a moment to himself because someone is always in his face smiling at him, cooing at him, talking to him or bringing him toys or a pacifier. I doubt Bug will ever need to learn how to walk or crawl as everything he could ever want will be gladly brought to him wherever he is. ;o) He's (generally) a great sleeper, a spitter, a drooler, a super full bodied smiler, a hair grabber and a chin biter. He smiles at everyone and we all love watching him light up when we talk to him. He can roll from tummy to back, but rather than roll back to his tummy he just happily turns himself in circles on his back instead. He can inch forward but still has a ways to go before I'd call him mobile.

All in all, Bug is the perfect five month old little man. We really feel so blessed to call him our own.

So here are a few pictures of my little bug to commemorate these beautiful five months of his life. If I had more time and didn't mind crying a little today I'd go back and collect pics from the past five months - but I don't have time and I'd rather not be a puddle of tears. So instead I'm just posting a few recent pics of him in all his cute, chubby, curly headed glory.

Sleepy eyed boy

More getting on his face than in his mouth...

Still working on the mechanics of eating solids - but he's sure happy to try!

Little Bug sporting his FuzziBunz diapers.

We love you Little Bug!

Silly Girl

2010-07-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Sunday Dress - Check.

Hard hat - Check.

Tool Belt - Check.

Construction tools - Check.

One super cute girl - Double Check.

IT'S HERE!!!

2010-06-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

My curriculum box arrived yesterday and it's SO COOL!

I had a few moments to rifle through things today, but now that the kiddos are all in bed and my hubby is not due to be home until after I go to bed this evening, the real fun can begin.

Off to peruse books, flip through instructor's guides and hold it all up to a 2010/11 calendar and see what the school year has in store for us!

So far though - the science looks fun, Punky can't wait to break into the magnet kit, I like the notebooking pages for the kids, the art looks enjoyable and the books to read look like most of my kids will like listening to them. On first glance, I estimate that it's just about right - not too much to do, and not too little. Prayers for a clear direction in what to do for the year were answered as far as I can tell from here!

Waiting...

2010-06-25T14:04:00.000-07:00

I ordered my Adventures curriculum for next year from My Father's World. I've been anxiously awaiting the arrival of my package which, according to the UPS tracking site was supposed to arrive on the front porch today.

But as of this morning it's been unexpectedly delayed by some natural disaster (no idea what happened, just that air or ground delivery was disrupted somehow).

I know I should be patient, after all I am an adult.

But I want my curriculum! I can't wait to tear into it and see all the great stuff in store for us this year - but and now I have no idea when it's coming!

Sigh.

Caught in the act...

2010-06-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

I found this picture from a couple of months ago and had to post it.

I had walked out of the computer room after helping the boys with some school stuff only to find Girly Pie sitting in the family room surrounded by this delictable snack - which she had stolen off of the counter from breakfast leftovers. Apparently she was hungry and thought I could not be bothered to help her with a snack, so she decided to help herself. She was completely happy, and seemed to have no idea at all that this might be considered less than OK. Of course I snapped the picture before I told her not to do that anymore. ;o) I forget her exact words but she said something along the lines of, "I hungry. I eatin' nack." Silly girl.

I did it!

2010-06-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I ordered a real, full curriculum for the 2010/2011 school year.

We'll be starting My Father's World this fall. Punky will be doing the Adventures in My Father's World program (designed for your eldest when he or she is in 2/3 grade) and Finny will follow along with the science, history, art and music - I'll just expect a little less of him when it comes to writing or retaining anything (he's only in 1st grade, but I didn't think I could swing two full curricula in my first attempt to go for it so we'll just adjust and make one work for them both).

I plan to use Singapore for both boys in math. Punky will be finishing 3A this summer and will start 3B sometime late summer or early fall. Finny just finished Math U See Alpha and will move into Singapore 1A as soon as I order it (we take summers mostly off, but we still read and do math).

I'm currently not planning on doing a specific LA program for the boys - they don't love sitting to do much of anything and my main goal this year is to get them learning about something (anything!) that excites them and hoping to hit a point where we all enjoy school again. We definitely got bogged down this last year and just got the basics done - which was good to hit those basics but in the end there was no love of learning ignited in any of us. So knowing how little they enjoy the language arts portions of schooling, I have no trouble leaving out the formal LA teaching for a year or two. I know they'll be doing enough with notebooking and the like with the MFW program - and I'm really OK with them lagging behind in language for a couple of years and then hitting them hard with a great self directed program in the middle school years and trusting that the holes will all be filled in at that point.

And I think that's it. The only other thing I am trying to figure out is how to get Goose some fun and educational Pre-K time. He'll be 4 in a few weeks, but his late birthday, shy personality and younger tendencies all made for the decision to hold him back and not consider him a kindergartner until he's newly 6. So technically he'd only be a "three year old preschooler" this year, so I'm not too worried. He won't start K stuff with Awana, church or anything else for two more years. I waffled for a while, but looking at how he's now maturing I'm so pleased we made the call that we made. He'll be so much happier as the oldest rather than the youngest child in any grade-related peer group he enters into, and I think he'll do much better at home when my expectations of him are a year lower. If I thought of him as that older year, I think we'd both get frustrated with the higher expectations that go along with that. I'd worry he wasn't doing enough and then I'd start to push him, he'd dig in his heels, and it wouldn't be pretty. ;o) So thinking of him as slightly younger, I think he'll just fly and do great and I'll be more at ease following his cues and readiness.

As for Girly Pie and Bug, well I'm just hoping I can put together a daily schedule/plan/routine that utilizes naps and quiet times enough to make for some focused school hours each morning with the bigger boys. I figure if I can get all the big guy school stuff done each morning that will leave my afternoons free to enjoy the smaller guys and the bigger two can then enjoy a bit of free time as well. We'll see though. Oh and we are doing a family Bible time each morning, too. So they'll be a part of that.

If there's one thing I've learned over the past few years as a homeschooling mother it's that no year goes the way I intend it to. We rarely accomplish what I plan to accomplish, but we always come away having learned something worth learning. So though I hope that this year we will finally find a groove that works for us all, I do not believe it will go the way I see it going in my mind's eye. But I'm OK with that.

The key thing for me is that I prayed over this coming year like crazy. And the peace and clarity I feel about the things we chose for the year are enough to make me feel quite good that we are on the right path and doing what we're supposed to be doing.

So let the fun begin. I can't WAIT to get that box on the front porch and see all the fun in store for us this year!

You know you've failed as a mother when...

2010-06-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

...your six your asks you as he prepares for his shower, "Mom? Do I have to get new underwear? I JUST put these on yesterday."

He seemed totally perplexed, and quite annoyed really, to learn that underwear require daily changing.

I swear we've covered this subject at LEAST a dozen times. Apparently he was not much impressed by any one of those conversations.

Fall planning

2010-05-31T20:55:00.001-07:00

How on earth am I to choose what to do in the fall? So many options, so many different styles of teaching and learning.

I'll have a 3rd grader, a 1st grader, a 4 year old a 2 year old and a baby. How can I teach the big boys what they need to learn and still have time to help Bug learn how to walk? How can I keep that mother-daughter time with Girly Pie without sacrificing too much from math and reading with Finny? How can we have fun and do projects and take field trips when there is so much to do? And how can I do laundry and make meals while I'm at it? Not to mention keeping up the house. Plus I'm tyring extra hard to still be a loving and happy wife for my Man when he gets home in the evenings.

I'm not super stressed about how the year will go. But I am praying hard that this year God directs me to the right curriculum/materials for the family. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows my children more intimately than I ever will. So who better to lead me to the right materials that will make our year go beautifully?

I feel like I fail every year at what I attempt to accomplish in homeschooling. I know that each year I also succeed in areas I never even thought to plan for as well, but this year I really do hope that God shines a light on the right combo of learning materials for us. I really do want Punky to actually *like* school time - not just endure it. Clearly I've not done very well in choosing what works for us. So this year I'm just waiting for God's leading to see just what is in store for us...

So far I'm feeling drawn to either My Father's World or a mix and match combo of materials for a science-heavy year (Sonlight science looks good, or the Apologia Exploring Creation series) with some Story of the World for history and a bunch of read alouds from various places (I love Sonlight's books but can't seem to pull off a year with their curriculum at this point).

So now I'm just researching the options, looking at the year ahead, and praying daily that God will lead our family down the right path for us all. I have no doubt He'll answer those prayers and bless us in the year ahead!

A few pics of the little guys - and a short update

2010-05-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

Girly Pie loving on her baby brother!

This Little Bug has the cutest wide mouthed smile!

Almost looks like he's posing here... but it was just a random flap of that hand as he works towards mastering coordination of his arms. For the first time though this evening he reached up with both of his arms and caressed my cheeks. I just love this little guy!

Things are going well around here. I've been terrible at keeping up on my blog - but I don't figure too many people read it anyway. So I don't feel too bad about putting other things higher on the priority list. ;o) I'm excited to plan out school for next year and am poring over my homeschool catalogs every chance I get. Bug is 3 1/2 months old now and so cute and smiley. He's the first of my five babies that seemed to naturally know how to put himself to sleep. I say this in all sincerity - Praise the Lord! I had no idea how lovely it could be to have a baby who actually LIKES to sleep - and not only on his momma! He falls asleep in his bed - without any help from me at all! And if he does stir, all he needs is a quick readjustment of the binky and he's good to go. All my little ones were still napping on me at this age which is lovely for me (I love baby snuggles), but disruptive to the baby as I go about my day and makes it harder to do other hands-on things with the rest of the kids. So I'll take these three and four hour naps in his own bed with a big smile and a very thankful heart. God is indeed good! ;o) Oh - and he (mostly)only wakes once at night. A blessing I am also very grateful to receive!

Girly Pie is finally cluing in on potty training, and at two weeks past her second birthday (not sure if I'll get around to posting about her big day but it was a great birthday!) she is down to only an accident every day or two. Woohoo!

Goose is a crack up and says the funniest things. Can't think of any off the top of my head. But then my brain has been pretty slippery these past months. Oh well. ;o) Take my word for it though - he's hilarious!

Finny is doing really well and has really blossomed over the past few months. He adores Bug and is just a delightful 6 year old in general.

Punky is just a delight as well. I am amazed at how enjoyable his company is. Who knew 8 year olds could be such lovely companions?

Gotta run. Bug needs a readjustment, apparently. ;o)

Can you tell I just uploaded a ton of pics from my cameras?

2010-05-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

My kids love the little African village area at our zoo. They particularly enjoy pretending the little hut is a jail. Look at all my cute prisoners!

And here is a very rare shot of me and my five beauties. You can just see Bug's legs hanging out of the Moby - but at least we're all together for the shot!

Pigtails, pretty dresses, a pink stroller, and her 6 year old brother's shoes. That's my Girly Pie.

Two of my handsome little men. Here Punky is holding Bug. Punky sure loves that baby. That boy is just the best biggest brother ever.

Somewhere over the rainbow...

2010-05-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

My hubby took the boys out front to get a better look at the BEAUTIFUL rainbow going on out front before bed one evening... the picture does not do justice to the vibrant colors of the rainbow itself. But I just had to get a shot of Daddy and his boys' feet sticking out from under the umbrella as they watched it. So cute!

When 2 year olds dress themselves...

2010-05-23T21:32:00.001-07:00

Girly Pie has quite the opinion when it comes to what she wears these days. Usually I can at least go with one of her choices and add a matching component... if she goes for stripy pants, I grab a solid shirt. She wants a printed shirt? I pull out jeans. No problem. But on this particular day, she had the whole outfit planned from head to toe. And really, it wasn't a battle I felt was worth the fight. It's not like I keep anything around that isn't appropriate for her to wear, so I'm not going to fight her on patterns and colors.

So. Crazy 70's print dress and striped tights. Go for it. And the cowboy hat from the dress up chest... Why not?

Just let me snap a picture before you pee in your outfit and the moment is lost. ;o)

Toys for moms

2010-05-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

When Girly Pie was a few weeks old we bought a dozen BumGenius 3.0 one size pocket diapers for her and I loved them! They were the best thing ever... until all the Velcro went crazy. So after almost a year we took advantage of their one year warranty and got a whole brand new dozen diapers, hoping the Velcro issue was fixed. Sadly the Velcro was even worse on the second batch - the fuzzy part got super pilly and worn looking WAY faster than the first set, and the Velcro tabs started curling after just a couple of months this time.

My Little Bug is three months old today!

So when Little Bug was born, I knew the BG's wouldn't last until he was potty trained (I'm not even sure they'd last to his first birthday) so we discussed some diapering options with him. I really didn't want to go back to disposables, but was a little worried about reinvesting in a whole new set of all-in-ones or pocket diapers. But after discussing it with my hubby, pricing out several options, and weighing convenience and usability (my hubby prefers a one-step diaper, so if we went with covers and prefolds or fitted he'd be less likely to take part in the whole diapering process - not a good thing) we decided to get a dozen new Fuzzibunz one-size pocket diapers.

And - the whole reason I'm writing this post this evening - my new diapers arrived today. I can't believe how ridiculously childish I feel when I get something like that on the front porch. I mean seriously. It's like opening a new Barbie doll on the way home from Toys R Us (of course I don't plan to let my baby girl play with Barbie, but I sure liked her when I was little ;o) ). I couldn't wait to get into my package and admire the fabulous bright colors. They are a snap closure rather than Velcro, so they should hold up much better than the BG's did. And the elastic around the waist and the leg openings are all adjustable and easily replaced should they fail at some point. Big bonus.

Playing with the new camera lens... plus I just love baby toes!

So this evening was spent moving little button-holes around (kinda like those adjustable waist bands on most kids' jeans these days) and sorting out inserts and admiring the fancy bright colors. All of Girly Pies BG's were pastels, which were nice. But I was feeling much more bold with Bug. So he'll be sporting three diapers each in a bold red, a fun bright yellow, an almost too orange and (my personal favorite) a super fun almost-apple-but-not-quite green. He's got a great complexion for a little guy, so (even though he'll rarely just be in the diaper alone) he'll look really cute in those bold colors.

Don't you love those shocked baby expressions?

OK. I know. They're diapers. They hold poop. But still, they are so stinking CUTE!!! I am very excited to see how our first days in the new diaps go as I adjust for size and whatnot. He's in the first one now at bedtime so we'll see how the night goes.

Sorry if cloth diapers are not your thing - I know they are super boring to read about when you aren't into them. But if you are - than you know how exciting it is to get that box on the front porch and to dig in and start suiting up your little man in cute puffy bottomed brightly colored duds.

Can you believe my sweet Girly Pie will be two years old on Saturday? Crazy!

Oh, and my Girly Pie managed to make it to the potty every single time today without a single accident. (Did I never mention I had put her back in diapers a bit after Bug was born due to her complete lack of interest and my needing to have one less thing to juggle in those first weeks? Well I did. But she's back in undies now for good. ) So all in all, a great day for me. Dry underwear and new diapers. Happy, happy day. ;o)

This guy has a great smile!

(I'll post some cute pics of him in his snazzy new drawers soon!)

Little Bug

2010-04-16T13:06:00.000-07:00

Here are a few recent shots of Little Bug. He's 2 months old now and smiling a ton. Of course the pictures of his smiles are never as good as catching them in person, but they are worth posting anyway!

Little Bug loves to be on his tummy and is super strong. He lifts his head and shoulders up off the ground easily and loves to look around from that perspective. He also loves to stand, and with just a little bit of support for balance, he can hold his own weight pretty well. The look of pride and satisfaction on his face is almost comical when you stand him up in your lap. He grunts and strains with the effort of holding himself upright, but he is just so pleased with himself while he's doing it. So cute!

Little Bug has started to coo and "talk" which we all love. He loves to converse with anyone willing to get at his level and chat with him, which as you may guess around here is just about everyone all the time! He does love to be held and has a particular love for his Momma, but he's happy to chat with everyone. The kids all love to hold him and pet his silky soft hair, and though he can be a bit persnickety about being passed around too much he's a pretty good sport most of the time. ;o)

He really is such a sweetheart and we all adore our Little Bug. His brothers and sister all delight in any smile they get from him and all love to help him when he's sad. Thankfully he likes his binky, so they can always help with that!

Just because he's so stinkin' adorable...

2010-04-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

My Goose.

Smiley Little Bug

2010-03-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

This little man has the BEST smile.

Look at that sparkle in his eye...

He's just getting started now.

But wait, there's more!

See what I mean? Look at that perfect gummy little smile. He's just perfect.

I think I'm in love.

Silly Goose

2010-03-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

Today while reading My Father's Dragon out loud to my three big boys I held up the book to show them all the picture of the rhinoceros throwing Elmer around by the seat of his pants using its tusk. If you've never read the book it sounds scary, but it's cute and silly in the story, and the picture is intriguing for sure.

When Goose (3 1/2) saw the picture he was captivated.

I asked him what he saw in the picture and his answer cracked me up:

"He's dangerousussin' him!"

2010-03-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

I have yet to upload the more recent pictures from my camera, but here are a few pictures of Little Bug and the others from the past weeks.

He's 4 weeks and change now, and is doing great. He has some good nights and some great nights, and some really, really not so great nights. ;o) Days are always great though - Little Bug is an amazing napper (much to my own irritation the days following those not so great nights as I go through my days in a fog watching him sleep the day away!) and our days (at least the days when no one is sick!) are going really well.

He love to be held but is happy when people other than Momma hold him too, which is so great for the rest of the family. Little Bug will sleep off of my body as well, which is also a blessing when I want to do something with the other kids.

We've already seen a couple of early smiles, but we're still waiting for the big baby grins to start. We all love watching him when he wakes up and talking to him. He's so alert and focused when he's awake (which is rare, I think this guy sleeps more than any baby I've met in my life!) and we all love to have little "conversations" with him. He also loves the blanket I made for him which of course makes me feel so good. He sleeps really well in it, and has started to pet it with his hand now and then, which is so sweet.

Our Little Bug really is so very sweet. And of course we all just LOVE his full head of silky dark hair. He's just such a blessing and I am enjoying each moment with my little man. I just love him so much! I'm always amazed at how much you can love someone you just met - and how hard it is to remember or imagine life without them after such a short time.

Well, my Little Man is here in my lap awake and wanting to look at me, so off I go to enjoy him. Enjoy the pics I scrounged up!

Afternoon nap time

Not sure if you can see the baby in between Girly Pie and Goose there. They sure do love him!

Goose and Little Bug

Cute little guy - he likes pacifiers, too, which is nice. ;o)

About two weeks old

Crossed eyes are so cute!

Sweet baby boy

Holding in the binky - nine days old here. Look at the chubby fingers starting already!

Sickness is for the birds.

2010-03-02T21:08:00.001-08:00

I need to go to bed more than I need to post right now, but I wanted to quickly mention that things had been going really well with Little Bug in the mix, until the whole family got a Big Nasty Bug and we had vomiting and diarrhea for the past week. Everyone but Punky and (thank you Lord for answering prayers on this one) Little Bug got the nasty mini-flu and it was no fun. It was a short virus - one night each of being sick, one extra day of feeling rotten, and we were over it. From Monday to Sunday we fought the battle of illness.

And even though I was only two weeks into keeping up with everything as a Momma of five, I did alright all week. Even when I got hit with it (and with my low weight and my tendency to have trouble keeping up on calories to nurse well it's a bad thing for me to catch such a thing at this stage of the game) things still felt OK. I could do it all and it didn't feel too bad at all.

But it all caught up to me the other night and I was left in tears as I looked back on my week - and entire third of Little Bug's life - and realized I had walked through the whole thing on autopilot. I barely remembered a thing, and was sure I had lived very little of it in the moment. I hardly made eye contact with any of my kids, and had very little time to spare to actually enjoy the company of any of them. There were extra sheets and towels to wash, sick people to tend to, healthy people to keep away from the quarantined, a baby to tend to and basic needs to be met. I held my baby, sure, but I hardly got to enjoy him at all.

And that made me so sad. I so very much do not want to live this life on autopilot. And that night that I broke down was because it felt like maybe that was what life was really going to be like.

But I know it was just the illness on top of it all. Sleeplessness I can handle for months. A messier house than usual is no big deal to me. A little extra chaos, guilt over not doing enough stuff for school with the big kids, busy days and constant activity around me - all part of my life. But throw in that flu and I was down. It was a really bad week for that to happen, since it was the week I really felt back on my feet and ready to just be Mom again with my Hubby back at work.

But the Lord is good. My Hubby was able to be home for all our sick days (including one of his own!). What a blessing that was! Little Bug did not get sick, for which I cannot even tell you how grateful I am! The sickness was short lived, so those who did get sick got well quickly. Even my sickness was milder than the rest and I didn't even lose any weight. And even though I've already had some worries over nursing and low calorie intake I feel like God has answered my prayers and I already feel back on track with food and my milk supply.

So all this to say - I've not been writing because we've been sick and I have really just been working hard to be present when and where I can at home. And to say that even when things get hard, God always manages to shine through the darkness.

So this week we have been healthy and I know that life with our new family of seven really is just as beautiful, and even moreso, than life was with only six of us. Our days have been good and the kids adore Little Bug. I have been able to make time to just be with him in the day, as well as enjoy the others.

Yes, things are busier. There is more to do in a day and sure I have moments where there are more things to do than hands to do them. But it's the GOOD kind of busy. The kind of busy that makes me feel like my life is full to bursting, the kind of full that makes me sad for those whose lives seems calm - and empty.

But I am enjoying the days, the moments... the flashes of my Little Bug's first smile and the sweetness of my bigger guys all fawning over him, the sparkle in my husband's eyes as he scoops Girly Pie up in a huge Daddy hug when he gets home from work or when he holds our newborn son in his arms... life again feels so very sweet and I again feel so blessed to have been given these people in my family to share life with.

And as long as we stay vomit free, I think we're gonna be OK. ;o)

First day scheduling with five...

2010-02-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...

Do you ever say to yourself, "I know there is a better way, but... good enough is OK." ?

Today, I'm thinking good enough is, indeed, good enough. ;o)

Little Bug's 1st bath

2010-02-17T13:20:00.000-08:00

My Little Bug had his first bath a few days back, and I wanted to share a few of the pictures. He's just so cute!

Getting ready and awaiting the fun. Can't you see how excited he is?

He's so calm even when undressed. I love that Little Bug so far seems to be pretty laid back. But I guess at only 11 days old he still has a long time to really become opinionated. ;o)

Time to rinse off those lovely brown locks and see how they look when clean and fresh...

Look at those cheeks. At his first pediatric check yesterday he was already past his birth weight. I'm so pleased to see him chubbing up already!

Is there anything sweeter in the world than baby toes?

Gazing adoringly up at his beloved Momma. ;o)

Not sure if you can see... but look at those curls as his hair dries! Newborn Finny was like that after baths too, but trust me when I say that there is not a single curl in our entire house. We are as straight haired as they come around here. ;o)

It worked!

2010-02-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

OK. I got the picture thing to work.

So here are some pictures of our sweet little man in his first few days.

I told you he was cute! ;o)

Moments after he was born...

Newborn check with the midwife... he's perfect and healthy.

Cute little face - a day or so old. Look at that hair!

My little man. I know you want to know his name...

Sleepy smiles.

OK. I'll tell you just this once...

I'd like you to meet our beautiful son...

Elliott Laurence.

(Shhh... don't tell. He'll have a blog name soon enough.)

I tried...

2010-02-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

Ack! I am trying to upload pictures of our Little Man to share with you all... but the blogger site is not cooperating. Bummer. Hopefully it'll work for me next time I have a spare moment and the initiative to sit down and do it (not that I know when that will be!).

As it is I'm about to go relax with him while the little guys sleep and we wait for my Hubby and the two biggest boys to return from their Awana Grand Prix race. They've spent the past weeks and days working on their little derby cars and are hoping for some big prizes tonight.

I had a funny moment the other day though, sitting up in bed just two days after giving birth to my Little Bug (not sure what his blog or real life nickname is yet - I'm still working on one that fits - but hey, at least we finally came up with his official name!). Little Man weighed the same at birth as my oldest did, who will be eight years old next week. So since this guy's birth I've been thinking a lot about Punky and how big he is and remembering all that I can about him when he was new and wee like this guy. And as I sat in bed, a days old baby on one side of me, math work waiting to be graded on the other side, and a derby car in my lap as I painted the perfect flames on it's side for my dear Finny (who will settle for no less than perfect, mind you) I had to laugh. I just said a quiet heart to heart prayer and laughed with God that the last time I held a days old 7lbs 6oz newborn son in my lap I never imagined that eight years down the road I'd be doing it again, only this time with the aforementioned math and painting at the same time. But I knew God had known that's what I'd be doing eight years down that road of motherhood. It's just so different now than it was with just the one little baby. Sure, there's less time to sit and stare at him, and I can't just hide away and cocoon forever as I did with Punky. But life is so much more full, so much more alive now welcoming the fifth into the family. I love pregnancy, and I love welcoming a new little life into the world. I feel more blessed than I can put into words that God has allowed me to be a part of that miracle even once, but to allow me to share in that five times? There really aren't words to describe the gift in that. But I love all of it - the math, the laundry, the deep conversations, the phonics lessons, the meal plan struggles, the doctor's appointments and the itsy bitsy spider songs and the potty training and the quiet evenings with my husband.

I am humbled and blessed so completely to live this life God has chosen for me. And as we all go about our life and as our little guy settles so neatly into his place in the family, I really do have to chuckle now and then at the life I live now. I wouldn't change a bit of it, but it's not the life I had imagined I'd be living. Not at all.

I love that God knows better than we do what it is we are meant to do. Because my way wouldn't have brought the marriage I have. My way wouldn't have had the kids I have. My way had never even heard of homeschooling. My way, well, my way just wasn't the right way. It was just an idea brought forth from my tiny perspective in the tiny life I had lived. But God's way for us - well his perspective is huge, it's everywhere and over all time. He doesn't make mistakes. And as I live each moment of the day in the perfect life He has made - the one He knew all along was just right for me and for the family he was surrounding me with - I just feel so thankful that He made His way be known and come to pass.

OK. Off I go. I'm sure there are a few of you waiting for labor details, and I really will get to that soon. Hopefully with pictures, too. But for now - be content to know labor was great, God was present, and Baby Boy is the cutest thing you ever saw. Trust me. It's true. ;o)

Time stands still

2010-02-09T16:33:00.000-08:00

Our new Little Man is 3 days old now, and this afternoon for the first time he and I ventured downstairs to rejoin the rest of the world.

For three days he and I sat up in the master bedroom and got to know one another. I got to gaze at his sweet face and memorize those perfect little features. I was able to familiarize myself with his little wimpers and squeaks. I stroked his dark hair and dreamed over his future and thought over the memories of this pregnancy and cried over the beauty of it all more times than I can count. Waves of hormone induced tears came at random moments through our beautiful little three day retreat together. We were far from lonely - the rest of the family came in and out of our room as they pleased - to visit with me, to snuggle with him, just to check in and stay close. But for the most part life went on as usual downstairs without us. Chores were done, school was accomplished, owies were kissed, tantrums were thrown and wet pants were changed. And Little Man and I just sat apart in our own separate little world through it all.

And I admit there were moments through the tears (am I the only woman who cries for no reason whatsoever in the days following birth?) when I felt sad that this new cocooning time would soon be ending and that real life would start again for Little Man and me. I was afraid to make that trek downstairs, knowing I would not go down again as the pregnant woman I was the last time I trekked up those same stairs. Life had changed, and could I handle this new life once it really started in earnest?

So this afternoon I came down when it looked like Girly Pie was too disagreeable to join Daddy and the boys for a trip to the park. But by the time I was ready to take over the care of one little girl and one baby boy, she had got her ducks in a row and was ready to hit the road with the gang. So Little Man and I were left alone downstairs for a while.

And you know what? Time indeed did not stand still while we had been upstairs. There were dishes in the sink and laundry in the hamper. The toys had been played with and only partly cleaned up. Sippy cups on the counters and crumbs on the floor.

But here's the crazy thing. Instead of feeling overwhelmed as I looked around the house, I actually felt better. As I stood there with my sweet Little Man in my arms - bright eyed and quiet as he gazed around his home for the first time - I realized suddenly how much I had missed all of it. I missed the dishes and the noise and the laundry rotation. I missed the morning sweeping of the floor and the setting of the dinner table.

Yes, my honeymoon with Little Man was wonderful. The rest was wonderful and I'm sure it will be a blessing to us all in the weeks to come that I was able to rest so much at first and will hopefully be blessed with more energy to do all that I am called to do now. I am so blessed to have a husband who is so willing to work extra hard to give me that time to recover both physically and emotionally.

But to come back downstairs and to look all around me at the pieces of life that remind me of all that goes on in my life in a day was a beautiful thing. And as I stood there with Little Man in my arms, instead of feeling strange and new, instead of wondering if I'd miss the joy of pregnancy, not knowing if I'd ever get to experience it again (always a struggle for me after I have a baby), I was so glad to get to share it all with him. Suddenly, the person who was missing from our family felt like he was really there to fill the hole I hadn't realized was empty. As I walked around downstairs with that Little Man, I felt like we were home.

And it feels so very good to be home. ;o)

And baby makes 7...

2010-02-07T12:02:00.001-08:00

I am honored to announce the birth of our newest child...

Our fifth child was born at 5:24 Saturday morning, February 6, 2010. Weighing in at 7lbs 6oz and measuring 19 3/4 inches long, after only two hours of labor we were blessed to welcome our newest son into the world.

He is beautiful, perfect, sweet and amazing. We're still not quite sure what his name is yet, but the kids have all got little nicknames for him. Girly Pie calls him "New Baby." Goose mostly calls him "My Baby" or "Little Tiny Baby." Finny calls him "Baby No Name." Punky just calls him "The Baby." But whatever he is called, he's just perfect. And there is no lack of love or open arms around here for this sweet little man. We're not quite sure if his eyes are going brown or blue yet, mostly because he's been so sleepy since his birth that we have had a hard time getting a good look at them in the light. He has a full head of long, dark brown hair and the sweetest little face. He reminds us very much of Goose when he was born - but still has very much his own look.

He is just perfect.

I'm still resting up in bed, and am just posting quickly from my hubby's laptop. So I'll have to post pictures and give the full detailed account of labor and all of our sweet baby boy's story in a few days. But I wanted to at least get the basics up here for anyone who was waiting for news. I can't wait to fill everyone in though on his story and on how strongly I have felt God's presence and love through these last days of pregnancy and in our Baby Boy's arrival.

But for now, welcome Little Man. We are so very happy to have you here.

Because sometimes we forget...

2010-01-27T20:02:00.000-08:00

...just exactly how much God does hold in His hands.

He has us, and all that surrounds us, firmly in His grasp.

We're going to be OK. And Mary Grace, yes, I'm talking to you. ;o)

Cravings...

2010-01-21T15:18:00.000-08:00

I have the biggest sweet tooth EVER these days. I am constantly craving chocolate and cookies and desserts of every kind. And not just a bit. Large crazy amounts of sweets.

Any guesses on what that means for what gender the baby is?

I just hope I don't pop a cupcake out in a few weeks here. ;o)

And for anyone counting... I'm due in 2 1/2 weeks. I'll keep you posted.

They really are different...

2010-01-18T19:23:00.000-08:00

Today we washed our cars for the first time in months. Lots of months. I can't even remember how many months - though I suspect they were washed at least once last summer... But today it was warm enough out and dry enough to constitute a family afternoon in the driveway with a bucket of soapy water, a hose, and a whole lot of helping hands.

I can't remember how old Girly Pie was last time we would have had a car washing day, but I do recall her being small enough to be completely uninterested in the affair.

I was a little reluctant to do it today with her there. Though it was far warmer than usual for a January day (58 degrees and sunshine felt so very nice today!) it was still windy, and once the sun got over the hill it cooled down quickly. And I assumed she'd do what any normal 20 month old would do, or at least what all my previous toddlers did: basically bathe in the bucket of bubbly, dirty water and end up wetter and dirtier than the car itself, not to mention cold and miserable by the time all was done. After all, that's what toddlers do, right?

Apparently, it's just what toddler boys (or at least my toddler boys) do. Girly Pie managed to keep herself almost completely dry and clean. One pant leg got a little wet - but only because it was long enough to drag on the ground and soak up water that way. Otherwise, she was perfectly tidy about the entire affair. She happily swished the handled scrubber around in the bucket a bit, helped hose the car off a few times, all the while keeping her hands on the tools and out of the bubbles. I was shocked. She didn't even seem interested in the water itself, but rather in the actual job of helping us wash the car.

A whole new experience around here. ;o)

So I am sure there are plenty of messy girls out there, and plenty of neat and tidy boys in the world. I by no means am trying to say that the stereotype is the norm. But around here - apparently it is just the boys who prefer to immerse themselves in dirty car water and spray themselves in the face with the hose. And apparently I can rest at ease when the messy jobs pop up around here - Miss Girly Pie seems to be quite happy to leave the messy stuff for the rest of us. ;o)

Words to live by

2010-01-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have had quite a few sunny moments lately - like the overall glow of joy I carried with me all through yesterday. But I must admit that I have had quite a few little worries niggling around in my brain over the past months - really for much of this pregnancy. I've had some rough moments, but most of it really has been background noise. But as background as it's been, that worry has still been there.

And last night, I finally felt it all be washed away, and I am so thankful and so humbled!

I know that with all of my pregnancies I have had those typical fears that something, anything, might go wrong. Surely THIS TIME labor will go wrong. I can't POSSIBLY have FIVE healthy babies and FIVE safe, peaceful deliveries. Something is bound to happen. I JUST DON'T DESERVE SO MUCH GOODNESS. Every time. All five pregnancies, all five babies. Last night I was feeling those fears creep in again, and I actually asked my husband to tell me his recollection - had I done this before at the end of my other pregnancies?

He basically laughed and said, "Yep. All four of them. But not at the end. It's been the whole time. With all of them."

So I was comforted to know that it's not some deep sense of foreboding or spiritual sign that something is bound to actually go wrong. It's just my standard issue pregnancy paranoia. And I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I suspect most other women have the same fears at some point in their pregnancies as well - some worse than others of course, and some more well founded, but the same fears nonetheless.

But just knowing I had felt this way before wasn't the kind of comfort I needed last night, so I pulled out my Bible and the little journal I keep for Girly Pie (I keep one for each of my kids, but what I wanted to find was in hers specifically) and started searching.

What I was looking for were two scripture references that I remembered praying over and holding close to my heart at the end of my pregnancy with her, and through her entire peaceful and wonderful labor. I had forgotten over the past almost two years what those scriptures were, so I looked in her journal to find the references, and then I read them in the Bible. And here they are (emphasis mine):

Isaiah 14:24

Yahweh Almighty has sworn,
"Surely, as I have planned, so it will be,
and as I have purposed, so it will stand.

and

Phillipians 4: 4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

As I read those passages last night the memories came flooding back. I remembered wondering if I would ever have a daughter. After three sons, I was convinced this surprise fourth baby would be another beautiful son - and I was thrilled at the prospect of getting to raise four young men. But deep, deep down, I wondered if there was some reason that God knew I would not, could not or should not be the mother of a daughter. So the Isaiah passage really comoforted me. God has a plan and a purpose in EVERYthing He does. He knows each soul to come to this earth. He creates families and just as He plans them to be, for HIS divine purposes, that is how they will be - no matter what I think I want or need. God knows the right formula for our family. So the comfort was in knowing that this baby (Girly Pie I mean - back then when I was still pregnant with her) was exactly who he (or she) was supposed to be, and I would hold that baby in my arms and see the perfection there in God's creation - both of that new little life and of our family's makeup.

So last night those same words were comforting in very similar ways, but also in new and different ways as well. The fears of labor trouble or health problems with the baby just keep floating there - but it felt so good to know, to KNOW that God has it all planned and purposed. My fears do no good for anybody. God is good, I know that. How can it be so easy to forget in the day to day that He really and truly has it all under control?

The second verse, the one from Phillipians, was one that I also prayed over during my pregnancy with Girly Pie, but also through my labor with her in particular. And I felt such peace in reciting it. Do not be anxious about ANYTHING. So last night - I felt my anxieties literally melt away. I want that peace - the one that surpasses all understanding. I love when I feel it - and it makes me sad to think that my own lack of diligence and commitment to reading scripture daily is what distracts me from knowing that truth fully, day in and day out. It is so comforting and refreshing to actually pick up God's Word and see those things. And last night, He came through yet again right when I needed Him - and reminded me just how little I have to fear, and just how Big He is - and just how much He loves me and how much power He has to comfort and protect me.

So as you can imagine, after reading those I was already feeling 100% better - but then I went on to read the rest of Girly Pie's birth account (that was the entry where I had written down the verses - and who can resist re-reading your own birth account, especially weeks before getting to do it again!). And I was overcome again by God's presence and His gifts and blessings.

I never quite forgot all the beauty and awe of the night of my daughter's birth... but it certainly floats to the background in the busy-ness of day-to-day life. Labor was fast, contractions were real but not overwhelming, pushing took longer than I'd expected but still was not difficult - and then after just two hours and 42 minutes of laboring, I sat there in the dim light of my bedroom, surrounded by my husband and Mary Grace and a good friend E. and my midwives - and I looked down at the miracle of my daughter - the little girl I was too afraid to even hope for - perfect, beautiful and whole. The peace through the whole labor was just so present for me, more than I can recall with any of my other births. That night is just amazing to me as I looked back on it, written in my own words.

But the part that really got me - the part I never forget but often neglect to remember (there is a difference, you know) - was what happened after her birth. I delivered her placenta - but things didn't go as they always had. I am not going to go into deep medical detail, but in short, once her placenta was delivered, my midwife made it very clear that she was amazed that my whole, healthy daughter had come full term into the world with that as her only sustinence for nine months while in my womb. It was not only smaller and thinner than a healthy one should be, but it was divided almost in half. The chord was also thinner than it should have been and was attached to the smaller of the two lobes - so all that sustained her physically through my entire pregnancy had funneled across a small channel from the larger side to the 1/3 sized side and through an umbilical chord near half the diameter of a normal one.

That was not a normal, healthy placenta, said my midwife. A healthy, full term, good sized baby should NOT have come from that. And yet there she was, my normal, healthy daughter. A miracle from the start, proven even moreso by the evidence presented at her birth. According to the world's medical standards, she should not have been born. Girly Pie should never have even been conceived. We were not trying for a fourth. Certainly by the world's standards, we were already a "big" family. And we should be in control of our own reproductive systems, right? So without her being our plan, she shouldn't even have started. Girly Pie should have died early on in pregnancy - when her cells were dividing and trying to become twins (as my midwife guessed was what had happened to divide the placenta like that) from the sheer stress that puts on a developing fetus. But after surviving the cell division that did (most likely) take her twin sister, she should have died from the lack of nutrition that one would expect from an unhealthy placenta. From all I can see, Girly Pie should not be here.

And yet here she is. And she is perfect and whole and wonderful and such a gift and blessing to our whole family - to everyone who knows her. She is amazing and I feel so blessed to have her in our family.

And all that, all those odds, were just because God was there - His hand held her through it all. He had a plan and a purpose. And I hadn't a clue. I had no idea how precarious things could have been the whole time. Of course I had my pregnant paranoia that something could go wrong - but I was blissfully ignorant that so much should have gone wrong.

So reading that last night again was so humbling and awe inspiring. And honestly, I felt so ashamed for doubting and worrying. I felt I had been downright rude to look at the Gift Giver and basically tell Him that I didn't trust Him to again come through and pull off such a miracle.

And since reading that last night, I have felt that peace that surpasses all understanding. And I am not anxious, and I love that I get to be a part of God's big plan and purpose in any way that He wants me to be. Yes I know bad things do happen in pregnancy, in birth. In life every day bad things happen. Every time I drive down the highway to the next town there is an excellent chance someone could cross the yellow line and it could all be over for me here in the life I live now. And there is no promise that says that God will protect us from hardships.

But that is no reason to dwell on the posibilities of hardship.

So as of today, no more worrying about this little Jelly Bean. God has just as much purpose in his or her being here as He has with the other four children He has brought so safely into the world through me. I'm not having this child because I "deserve" to get another one. It's just God's plan. He wanted to bless us again, and so He did. Who am I to question the wisdom behind that decision? And why should I worry that the gift somehow will bring with it hardships? Nope. No longer. I cannot honestly look at all that God has poured into my life and walk away thinking He is just waiting to knock me off my happy little rocker. Sure, it could happen. But I can look at every single hardship I've endured in my life, and I can see that the blessings that came from them each time far outweighed the hardship itself. But even still, I do not see hardship here. I do not feel fear. I see only blessings and I feel only peace and faith. I trust His power and His wisdom. I love that he chose to bless us not only with another new life, but with a whole family - husband, wife, sons, daughter(s). What a gift that is in and of itself.

So that's where I am today. Just full to overflowing with yesterday's same joy and giddiness, but also glowing with the knowledge of God's love for me and His power to make all things right. This baby will come just fine - no complications. I'm sure of it. And he or she will be the perfect addition to our family. Because God put him or her here and so that means it's perfect.

And I feel so GOOD to be free of that weight of fear and worry! Faith over fear. I need to work at that every day. Always, always, ALWAYS follow faith rather than fear.

I've got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...

2010-01-13T13:28:00.000-08:00

It's one of those sunny, happy, delightful days around here.

No, the weather is not really sunny. It's dry, and I can actually see some blue through the gray - but that's not what I'm talking about.

It's just that I'm feeling all sunny and bright.

Don't you just love those days when all the blessings you KNOW you have just really feel so blindingly apparent that you just can't help but feel joy bubbling out from every part of your soul?

Well, that's today for me. I mean, I always know I'm blessed. And I am not a particularly gloomy person. In fact, I'd say I'm downright cheery most of the time.

But today is just abundantly joyful and cheerful.

So just for fun, I thought I'd list off just the first few of the many reasons I feel so joyful, blessed, cheerful and sunny today.

I'm going to have a BABY in about 4 weeks. How cool is that? (I've known for ages that I have been pregnant. But I'm actually going to HAVE A BABY within the next month! That realization has just occurred to me in the past week or two.)
I have a new found love and passion for my husband for the first time in almost ten years of marriage... and I feel so very blessed to see that he has the same new found love and passion for me as well.
My sweet hubby OK'd cloth diapers for our newborn - the first of the five to come straight into the world wearing cloth rather than disposable.
My diapers arrived today and are in the wash now. And they are so stinking tiny and cute I could just about die!
I have the four cutest and sweetest kids on the entire planet. And they love each other and each one of them has been so happy and sweet today (all week really).
School went super smoothly today.
Girly Pie has peed in the potty WAY MORE than in her pants today. That's enough right there to set my soul on fire! ;o)
No matter how much I've ever done wrong, and no matter how bitter or foul my soul can be at moments, I am the daughter of a King who loves me through it all, and thinks I'm wonderful and made me just the way He wanted me to be. And today for some reason, I'm just hyper-aware of that love and grace.
I have See's chocolate in the house.
I got to watch my four children holding and singing to and fawning over my good friend's 4 week old last night, and it was such a beautiful thing to see their excitement and love pouring out on this little guy.
Punky has been pining ever since holding my friend's little man... "I can't WAIT for our baby to be born! I think I could change the diapers now, don't you?" I am just so blessed to have been given a first born son to this growing family of ours who has such a love for little ones and so longs to help and care for all the little chicks in this nest.
I got to start the morning out with a short chat with my best bud MG, and as rare of a treat as that is these days it always is a delight.
My body is healthy and whole. I take for granted often enough what a blessing that is. But today, I'm just very aware of the gift that health in life really is.
My children are healthy and whole - this one feels even bigger than my own health. I'm so glad that they were blessed with strong bodies, healthy immune systems and everything in between.
Dinner is already in the crockpot. I love days when dinner is done at 8am. ;o)
My "To Do Before the Baby Comes" list is rapidly getting crossed off. That feels so GOOD!
My hubby called me from work this morning to invite me to play one of our favorite card games this evening. It's so fun to be invited to such a thing. And I love that he's thinking about our evening together even while we're both busily working through our day.

I know there are a million more things that are adding to my general feeling of happiness and bubbly joy. But those are the first few that came to mind. And I have diapers to rotate in the wash and lunch to eat and lots of other options of ways to spend my short quiet time of the day. So off I go.

I hope you are feeling the joy of all your blessings today as well!

Little Big Man

2010-01-10T12:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY... Finny will be SIX YEARS OLD!!!

I can hardly believe my baby boy is turning six. He really has changed and matured so very much over this past year that I've been very aware of how much older he's getting. But still. Six?

I still remember the days when I was pregnant with Finny - a Momma to one little toddler guy. I would look at friends with "big" kids and think, "My kids will NEVER be that big. Five years olds are HUGE!" It just looked like it was a lifetime away for me, and I never thought I'd leave the safe, cozy nest of mothering young ones.

And truth be told, a good part of my parenting never has left that safe nest... I have always had a couple of young ones around to keep my there. But those first babies of mine have indeed grown. Now I'm the mom with the "big" kids. Not only is Finny turning six tomorrow, but Punky will be eight next month. Those kids were beyond my scope of reality way back when my mothering journey began. I could look at two and four year olds and grasp that I'd be there someday. But those seven and eight year olds? They were practically grown, as far as I was concerned. ;o)

But here I am, mother to four sweet souls, just about the meet the fifth little one God has chosen to bless us with. And now, today, six years old doesn't look so very big after all. Of course he seems so big compared to Girly Pie, but then I look at him at the dinner table, his head up over the table -barely. A young, young child. He can read and write and do great math calculations... and is still so blissfully ignorant of so many things that I can't help but smile through just about any conversation with the boy. He is still so full of the innocence and beauty of childhood. He's so big, but so little... and that's the thing I never could have known back when all I had were babies. The beauty that comes with seeing life through the eyes of a young child - not a toddler or even a preschooler, but truly a young child - is an amazing thing. I just never knew how blessed I could feel to look at someone and know haw far they've come, and to have some idea of how far they have yet to go. Each and every day is an eternity to my Finny - and I remember being that way myself. I don't know. I can't quite put it into words.

But Finny will be six tomorrow, and instead of really feeling like my little, little man is getting so very, very big, I sit here today on the eve of his big day and just feel joy and blessings galore to have known him for these six year, and I feel incredibly honored to be the mother God chose to walk along him in his journey through life. He is big, yes. But he is still so little. And I just love, love, LOVE seeing that played out in his life every single day.

So happy birthday Finny! I love you so very much, my Little Big Man.

(And I'll post a bunch of super cute Finny pictures later in the week!)

Updates

2009-12-29T13:35:00.000-08:00

Potty training is going pretty well, but it's still a work in progress.

Christmas was really wonderful - but I'm ready to get the tree down and the house cleaned up and ready for regular life.

Hubby and I have been working on renewing our marriage in many, many ways - and though it takes a lot of work to change old, bad habits, I can already see the fruits of those labors and feel so blessed to see such a beautiful new relationship taking shape. And for the first time since having kids (almost 8 years) we made it a priority to go away overnight together - just the two of us. It's not something we'll do often, but going to bed and waking up in the morning with no one else's needs to meet but each other's was a beautiful gift. It's amazing to think that every single morning for the vast majority of our married life we've woken up and almost instantly met the needs of our kids. It was just lovely to have a little bit of a honeymoon after all these years. ;o)

I'm 34 weeks along now - I've always given birth within a week of my due date so I'd imagine that we'll have our newest little addition in 5-7 weeks. It's funny how much shorter that looks when you think of it in terms of how many weekends you have left to get anything done. 5 weekends left that I can pretty much count on to get anything done that I want to do before we become a family of seven. That means all projects, all family gatherings, any special date time, family activities we might want to do before Baby comes... only 5 weekends left to accomplish them all. 10 days, people. 10 weekend days. I was shocked when I thought about it like that.

I threw my back out for the first time ever as a largely pregnant lady. No fun - but boy do I appreciate how small and inconsequential the normal aches and pains of life feel after not being able to move for a good week!

Birthdays are fast approaching... Finny will be 6 on January 11th, Jelly Bean is due to be born around February 8th, and Punky will be 8 on February 18th. Fun, busy times we have around here in the winter months!

I'm dropping the unit study approach for schooling and trying out a more subject-specific style. We'll see how that goes. On the agenda for 2010: set times for weekly history and science lessons. That's a first for us - I hope we can find the perfect slot for it and that everyone enjoys it. We'll be using Story of the World for history and we'll be doing some fun lower elementary level study of the human body at least for the first couple of months of the year.

We're still doing occupational Therapy for Finny for his Sensory Processing Disorder, but we're looking into other areas to help him - currently focused in the area of helping him learn better how to self regulate. He definitely needs some sensory help, but there seems to be more to it than that... more on that when I know more that I can share. ;o)
Punky is an AMAZING young man. I am just in awe of all that I see coming out in the character of that boy. He's so very big, and so very little at the same time. I just feel so blessed to be his Momma. Oh - and boy, I had no idea how much an almost 8 year old could read when enjoying a good book. He's hit that point of just loving the book he's into, and he's devouring 3-400 page books these days (in less than two weeks' time). This from the boy who 2 short years ago would be in tears after 5 minutes of struggling through Dick and Jane stories. Thank you Lord for Vision Therapy and for healing my boy's vision. It's so easy to forget how hard that was for him!
Finny is doing really well in so many areas. He's sweet, funny, shockingly bright and so thoughtful in so many ways. When he's really focused and feeling good, he's so very sweet, especially with the younger two that I am melted each time I see him voluntarily offer up a toy to share or run Girly Pie to the potty just because he wants to help her. What a wonderful boy he is. And worth of note - he's doing really well with all his school stuff. He just seems to love to learn, and feel so very proud of his accomplishments.

3 1/2 year old boys are so much funnier, sweeter and more enjoyable when they are your third rather than your first. How on earth did I manage to lay so much responsibility on Punky at this age? Goose is just delightful and adorable and LITTLE feeling. Punky seemed HUGE at this age. Sigh. Point here is - Goose is great and wonderful and we all think he's the funniest thing ever. Never a dull moment if that boy's around to add a comment to the topic.

1 1/2 year old girls are completely intoxicating. I had no idea. That little Girly Pie can melt our hearts a dozen times a day. Why didn't anyone tell me how sweet it is to have a little girl wrap her arms tightly around my neck and say "Wuv you" followed by sweet little puckered lips coming in for a kiss? I remember so many sweet things from the boys at this age too - but there is most definitely a new and different sweetness with her. Not better, just different, if that makes sense.

I'm still trying to find the perfect schedule. I KNOW we need one. I still just haven't perfected it. And with Baby coming in a month and a half, I doubt perfection will find me anytime soon...

I'm cutting back on computer time in general - I need to focus more on things like loving on my husband, meeting the needs of my 7, 5, 3 and 1 year olds, school planning, baby preparation, home making... all that jazz.

I have fallen woefully short on my efforts to make daily time to read the Bible and have quiet time with the Lord. I hope to remedy that ASAP.

I am very much looking forward to the coming weeks as we let go of the holiday hustle & bustle and welcome in the New Year - complete with new schooling goals, new OT goals, new schedules - even a new baby! ;o) So much NEW this year, apparently.

Though we are just now heading into the thick of winter (which is fine by me, I'm ready to cocoon!) I spent a few minutes on a cold, sunny day yesterday with Finny running around a baseball field and got just that little, tiny taste of spring. I can't quite explain it, but I was so overcome with the thrill of all that comes with each new season. I just love how God allows for so much change every year, and so many blessings with each new thing.

Pregnancy is going great (now that my back is better!) and I am really enjoying it. I've been healthy and gaining weight well at all my appointments (a great thing for me!). I've just ordered the homebirth kit, and we're looking forward to another birth at home. I'm prayerful that God will bless us again with a smooth, safe delivery.

This little one moves plenty but is pretty gentle and soft in his or her wiggles. Still no major feeling one way or the other on gender. What I tell people who ask is that I FEEL like it's a girl, but I THINK it's a boy. ;o) I'm just getting so excited to meet him or her for the first time, either way.

No names picked out yet either.

Life is good. Not perfect, no. But oh so good. I feel so blessed in each day, even when I feel like I'm failing at something (or everything!). And today, even though I can see where I am falling short, I still feel such hope and joy for all that is, and for all that is on the horizon. Things get busy, I get tired, plans rarely go as I intend them to. But I'm right where I need to be, God is there with me holding my hand through each step, and He's blessed me into a family who loves, needs and cherishes me. Can't ask for much more than that.

Potty Training, round 4

2009-12-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

Well, we've been toying with the potty for Miss Girly Pie since she was still a crawler, jsut getting her used to it and hoping for ease when the real potty training stage hit in earnest. She has had decent luck over the months, and as I have yet to do two in diapers my hope was to have her in undies before the new baby arrives in early February and keep the streak.

I had planned to wait to give up the diaps and go to underwear sometime this month, when she was 19 months old. That's about how old all my boys were when we started and with varying degrees of ease, all three of them were accident free before or around their 2nd birthday.

Punky was dry and clean and officially a pottier 19 1/2 months after only two weeks of training. Finny was also 19+ months when we started with him, and though he got #2 down on day one, but wet his pants constantly for months. He was the longest, and wasn't what I considered reliably potty trained until a month or two after his 2nd birthday. Goose was a little later at starting, about 20 months old. He got the pee thing down pretty well in a month or two, regressed a bit when Girly Pie was born at 22 months, and then was good again after a little refresher course. He has struggled with some withholding issues since then, and to this day is very sensitive to his routing getting thrown off, but I think that one is more of a personality thing and a training issue.

So when Girly Pie started peeing regularly on the potty at 16, 17 months old, I figured it was good practice, and well within the norm for my kiddos. I kept her in diapers, as I had no interest in actually going through with all the many changes and accommodations one makes with a new potty trainer. Honestly, I kept pushing back my intended start date, figuring she'd be that much more ready the longer I waited. But when your 17 1/2 month old daughter is keeping her diaper dry through the morning at home AND through church, only to pee in the church potty - well, I guess I felt like she was ready even if I wasn't.

So at the earliest age yet, we pulled diapers at just over 18 months old for Girly Pie. We've been at it about 3 weeks now, and just as I suspected it's at frustrating and wet as ever. Just like with all the boys I have considered that she really was too young and I should just put her back in diapers and wait until she's older. Really, some days I wonder just how many underwear and pants one girl can go through. But, there are plenty of days when she'll stay dry all day and tell me every time before she needs to go. So I know she can do it. She's just doing it when she feels like it. And from what I've heard about most people who wait until the 2 1/2 to 3 year old range to start potty training, I guess I don't feel confident that she'd do it any differently if we had waited or if we give up now and start again in a couple of months. I know she can do it, and I know that it's no big deal washing a load of wet undies every night instead of cloth diapers. Really, it's been three weeks. She's just barely 19 months old. It's not like she's doing anything wrong! ;o) I just have to remember not to assume that my timetables work for my toddler.

So we'll keep at it for a while longer. I really do think she'll be great in a couple of weeks. She does great when we go out, rarely having accidents on the road. She enjoys the time reading books and loves to go in with her brothers to join in little community potty sessions. I have until February before I feel any real time crunch, so until then I really can spare the time and energy to hang in the bathroom with my girl.

But - I post all this really more as an excuse... in case anyone was wondering where I have been for the past few weeks, and where I will continue to be for the next few... I'm in the bathroom. Again. ;o)

Too funny

2009-12-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

The other day I heard Punky and Finny playing upstairs in some very boyish fighting type game involving Legos, Transformers, Playmobil guys, or most likely a combination of the three. I'm not at all sure what the real context was of the conversation I overheard between Punky's "guy" and one of Finny's "guys," but I did catch this little snippet that made me laugh out loud:

Punky (in his very cute false baritone "manly" voice with a bit of an old fashioned but not quite British accent thrown in for good measure): "I swear, I shall not be defeated!"
(short pause...)
Punky again, still in the same accented baritone manly voice: "Then again, I do not swear."

Ahhh. The joys of raising good little Christian soldiers. They'll beat the snot out of the bad guys, no doubt. But heaven forbid they swear. That, apparently, is where the line must be drawn. ;o)

My day

2009-12-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

Today I have:

showered
made 5 beds (usually my boys make their own but it was an act of love on my part this morning)
served breakfast to my family
done several therapy activity sessions with Finny
spent no less than 40 minutes in the bathroom with Girly Pie
spent about 20 minutes in the bathroom (again!) reading stories to Goose for some, uh, quality (stinky) time
washed two loads of laundry
changed no fewer than 6 pairs of wet undies and pants
overseen Punky's first efforts at typing a letter on the computer, to a missionary for his Awana work (how cute is it when you see the word "question" spelled "kwesthin" - even if it does mean a life of spelling trouble ahead for my boy!?)
cut up and served 3 apples and a pear
prepared and served lunch to the crew
read a daily devotional with the boys
done a quick pop-quiz style math drill at the lunch table with the boys, who were both very impressive in their skills
presented my precious Finny with his very own real Bible
read to Finny from said real Bible
played TONS with Girly Pie
cleaned two raw eggs up off of the kitchen floor (such a gross job!)
tucked one little girl in for nap
settled three sweet boys down for rest
done Jesse Tree ornaments and readings with my three boys
eaten food myself three times already today (if you know me IRL you know that's an accomplishment for me!)
looked through old photos of myself and my Hubby with the kids
done math with Finny
been blindfolded by Finny and led by his sweet hand in mine (Punky later took my other hand to assure that his mother would make the trip unscathed) up the stairs to my room, where I found the gift of a stuffed animal and a picture drawn, just for me
disciplined three little boys for their complete lack of obedience
laughed inside at the sweet sight of all three of my sons squeezed in, sitting cheek to cheek on the bottom step for a triple time-out, looking up at me with their best "I'm in for it now" faces - all so different, yet all so similar
watched as all three boys did a complete 180 and became the best listening, most obedient children ever
praised the Lord for His immense blessings
begged the Lord for just a little more patience and some guidance
thanked the Lord for my husband and the recent renewal of our relationship
cleaned up way too many toys

Still in the plans for the day:

get dough going for Pizza Night
decorate our Christmas tree with the kids
make Fruit Loop garland for said tree
make homemade pizzas for dinner
eat said pizza with my family as we enjoy our weekly Friday Night Pizza and Movie night together
go for an after dinner walk in the brisk cold of the dark evening air with my Man and our children so we can all enjoy the sites of the Christmas lights brightening up our neighborhood
tuck a few kids into their warm beds for a night of sweet sleep
enjoy my husband as we sit back after the long, full, blessed day and just bask in the glow of the life we are so blessed to lead.

What Do I Know of Holy?

2009-11-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

I heard this song tonight and I was left speechless by the truth I found in it. I felt convicted, comforted, helpless and encouraged all at the same time.

What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road

I wish I knew how to make a fancy direct link to the YouTube video with the preview pane in my post, but I am pretty sure if you click the link above it will still work.

And here are the lyrics (emphasis mine)... powerful stuff to me tonight.

What Do I Know of Holy?

by Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

What, indeed, do I really know of Holy? Of Yahweh who created everything from the oceans to the stars to web weaving spiders and light and color and the human eyeball? What indeed do I know of Him?

Some days I think maybe I act like I have it all figured out. Yes, I know God will still mold and shape me. But I know Him. I have found Him. I know the Truth. So I'm good, right? We're good buds, God and me.

But what, really, do I know of Him?

Tonight I am left wondering that...

Not just baby talk...

2009-11-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

Two new words were uttered by my sweet Girly Pie today. For some reason, today seem to be the day that she officially decided to move past single syllable (up, milk, no) or repeating sound (mama, buh-buh (brother), nigh-nigh) words and open up to the wide world of multi-syllabic speech.

So in addition to rambling all day long in a multitude of completely unintelligible, yet stunningly adorable strings, Girly Pie did say two very distinct words which I found quite impressive for a girl of 18 months.

First, while reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to her during some potty time sitting, she repeated enough times for me to be sure it was a word and not a ramble: "bahlluh-billah." Get it? Caterpillar! She's a genius, I know.

And as if that wasn't impressive enough, she later brought me a jar from the pantry (one of her favorite past times in the kitchen) and proudly, and repeatedly, proclaimed, "billah-budduh." Surely you don't need a translation for such a straight forward word. But just in case... it was a jar of peanut butter.

So yes I am laughing at myself in one way, because clearly this is just a proud mommy-moment and no one else in the entire world would have a clue that those were words and not just baby babble.

But those are four syllable words, people! Two of them, in ONE DAY! I was very impressed, and quite proud. She has said them both multiple times today and when you point to the caterpillar or the peanut butter and ask her what they are she will repeat the same rhythm and sounds. And to the trained ear, they are clearly the intended words.

She really is at such a darling age. And today, in addition to her two amazing new words, she really has been babbling up a storm more than I have ever seen her do. It's just the cutest thing ever!

Happy House in the Wet Woods

2009-11-11T13:22:00.000-08:00

We haven't read a good, captivating read-aloud in a while, and I forgot how much they ignite the fires of my boys' imagination.

It's been so refreshing to watch them plan out game ideas and plot lines together today as we begin re-reading Little House in the Big Woods (for the zillionth time, no doubt). But instead of JUST reading it this time, we're officially calling it school and reading it alongside some great unit study materials and a plethora of Little House craft, recipe and history books. Today Punky and Finny decided that Laura and Mary each have a brother slightly older than themselves (which coincidentally lands these new-found brothers right at my boys' ages!) and Punky and Finny have both immersed themselves as strapping young men in the Woods of Wisconsin in the 1860's. I know they love these stories. They always have. They listen to them on CD in their room constantly. But to read them all together, them hearing my voice, their hands busy with lincoln log Little House replicas and their attention and imagination set on the same story... it's just so full of joy and homeyness and loveliness that our house is nearly bursting. We've already had several fascinating conversations and have looked just that little bit deeper into that time period than ever before when just reading it for fun. The big boys are both tuning their ears for our vocabulary words and are so thrilled to be the one to hear one read aloud.

I now have the inspiration I needed to plot out a few fun new recipes (already johnnycake has been requested - though I know at least I will hate it!) and crafts and really pack the coming few weeks with great information, activities and games.

School has been going fine for the year so far. Great, really. But I feel so renewed and inspired today as I watch the reaction of my children to something that just rings true and exciting in their worlds today. We've been doing all the basics, and having some fun with some very science based unit studies. But now I think the fun is really about to begin for a while.

Little House through Thanksgiving, and then on to Advent and all that comes with that time for our family. For me, this is the season that makes up the majority of the good "schoolish" memories and feelings.

And I am just SO happy to be here RIGHT NOW!

Perspective

2009-11-04T19:10:00.001-08:00

My hubby and I slept in this morning. Together. Both of us. Without getting out of bed until seven. SEVEN. And it was heavenly.

I wonder if my 20 year old self would have believed my thirty year old self if I could have told her that sleeping in until seven would someday feel like a glorious gift.

I doubt it.

Overheard today:

2009-11-03T13:40:00.000-08:00

Now, I know it's not the best song in the world, but I loved it as a kid and I turned out fine. So the fact that all three of my boys love it is not shocking. And despite the fact that some of the content is less than appropriate... well, it's just a good song. So I let them hear it and sing it.

So today at our late morning snack time, all three of my boys started spontaneously singing American Pie by Don McLean - all together. They only know the main chorus and one or two of the other parts. But still, how cute is that? So there is Punky, leading the crew in his totally off key and carefree and LOUD voice. Goose is just chanting the main words he knows from the chorus. He's totally on key and on rhythm. Finny is pretty good himself. They are having a wonderful brother moment as Girly Pie looks on in her adoring way.

So, not wanting to miss the chance I whip out the digital camera and flip it to video to record the happy moment. Of course as I start recording the perfect harmony starts to dwindle as kids drop off and actually start eating, but I still catch some of the sweetness.

And just as they end a chorus, everyone has one of those odd moments of complete silence. I was getting ready to click off the record button when I heard Finny begin to make a comment. Not wanting to rudely cut him off, I decided to keep recording until after he finished his thought. I am so glad I did:

All together:

Bye bye Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry.

Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye,

Singin', "This'll be the day that I die,

this'll be the day that I die..."

Silence from all. Then...

Finny:

"Well, yeah, cuz' they were drinkin' ALCOHOL!!!"

And then of course you hear my snickering on the camera. How can you not laugh!?

Yes, Finny my boy. It's always you that says something so deep and hilarious in those random quiet moments.

24 1/2 weeks

2009-10-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

That's me as of late last week. ;o)

Just what I needed to hear today...

2009-10-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

Psalm 139

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, "
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake, I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

How can I read that and ever worry that I will not be cared for, or caught when I fall? How can I fear that I am doing everything wrong or not good enough or not doing as well as I see others doing? How can I worry that I am not enough, when God - Yahweh the creator of everything - made me, ME. He didn't make a mold of billions of people and slap us all here on earth to be automated robots, going about our business doing our best to be identical to one another. He made ME, just exactly how He knew He wanted me to be.

So how then can I fear that I am not as good as others? That seems to me as though it would be flying in the face of the Creator - doubting His wisdom in making me just so.

I realize this is one of those overused Bible passages that I suspect most every Christian knows of. But cliche though it may be, it deserves a second glance. It deserves a deep and thorough reading (or two, or three, or twelve!). I can't say I was in a bad place today - but I was most definitely in need of the reminders He gave me through His word in this psalm today.

Profiles of Jelly Bean

2009-10-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

It feels weird always calling the baby just plain Baby. So since I've thought of this little cutie pie as Jelly Bean for so long, I figured I'd just call him or her that here, at least until I have a real life nick name I'm using and can start writing about.

So... here are the ultrasound pics of my little Jelly Bean. The ultrasound was very fun, and we did manage to get out without glimpsing any revealing poses that might give away the big surprise. There was a lot of kicking, quite a bit of thumb (or finger?) sucking, and even an on screen eye blink, which was pretty neat to see.

Isn't that a cute profile? Look at that sweet nose.

Jelly Bean is sucking away on that finger or thumb here.

Look at those lips!

At 24 1/2 weeks, I was amazed at how much chub we could already see on the little guy! The tech said Jelly Beab already weighs a pound and a half according to their measurements. That just seems so much heavier than I'd expect this soon!

Just love those profile shots. Plus none of the front view shots turned out very well. But it was cute to see his or her face on screen. Lots of little expressions already!

So there you go. Our baby's big photo debut on blogger! I think he or she is pretty cute already. And it made me even more excited to hold him or her in my arms in a few months!

And just as a side note, I had a fantastic time going out with just my husband to watch the ultrasound and then to enjoy lunch alone together at a little cafe. It was like a real date, and it was lovely. I think we might need to sneak a few more of those in if we can in the next few months!

Big Picture Day

2009-10-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Well tomorrow is the day.

I know it is such a silly little thing in the big scheme of life. But I love going in for the 20+/- week ultrasound. This one is at 24 1/2 weeks for this baby, so we're likely to see some very cute little profile shots with a few thumb sucks and the like. We're not even finding out the sex, so it's not like there's some big moment that will happen.

But tomorrow morning my hubby and I will head out the door - together and without any children in tow - to see moving pictures of our newest little one, at an age where there will be so much to see and admire.

And I am just so stinking excited! So excited that I actually do feel silly.

Oh well. Not too often I really get to feel silly anymore. I guess I'll just enjoy that too! ;o)

Picture Day

2009-10-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Update

2009-10-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

So - I realize that I'm more than half way through this pregnancy, and I hardly ever mention my pregnancy or the baby on this blog.

So today seemed like a good time to just fill in the gaps!

I'm past the 23 week mark now (closing in on 24 actually), and everything is progressing great for me, and as far as I can tell for Baby too. I've had two ultrasounds already to diagnose some bleeding (though scary to begin with, it was not serious and as far as I can tell has resolved itself!) and very much enjoyed seeing pictures of my sweet little Jelly Bean. He or she has been doing well, and we'll get to see the bigger picture next week at our bigger ultrasound. So then, when I finally have big pictures with fingers, toes and profile shots I will be able to post them here to share.

Sadly I am much worse about getting pictures of myself through this sweet time in life now that I have a few other little ones around. I was so good at getting pics every few weeks with my first 3 pregnancies. But I never did get a good one of Girly Pie. And I still haven't done any of this guy. I do intend to get a couple though, and I guess I can post them when I do. But I am definitely at the point where people don't know feel confident enough in my condition to comment on it. Usually that's a good thing, but it still amazes me the things people will say in "polite" conversation.

This little one is not giving us any particular clues as to whether he or she is in fact a he or a she. We are not peekers, so we won't know for sure until we meet the baby. Personally, I love that moment of truth and wouldn't trade the surprise for the world. And I'm not too anxious most of the time to find out, though in some pregnancies more than others I have a harder time waiting. This is one where I really am perfectly content to wait, though very curious what the baby is going to be. I guess my track record of the three to one ratio makes me lean towards assuming it will be another boy, but if I ignored the numbers and went off of feelings and baby wiggles, I guess I'd say I lean more towards girl. So in other words, I really have no idea! This little one so far seems fairly similar to Girly Pie as far as movements and position go, but then none of my pregnancies have been super unique. S/he is not a huge kicker, and always moves in the same spot, the same spot that Girly Pie did. Most of his/her movements are quite gentle and more of a wiggle than a kick. Lots of hands and arms, is my guess, rather than feet and knees moving around.

The funniest thing I can tell so far is that this little one has some personal space issues. Any time I move in a way that might squish him or her, or any time a sibling leans or pushes too heavily on my belly, this guy gives a full body reaction to the pressure. It's a funny violent little explosion. This is the first one to be so reactive to outside influence... I'm hoping that is not a bad sign for a fifth child... that could make for some interesting times with four older siblings always wanting to love on this little one!

So all in all, I am thoroughly enjoying this pregnancy. I get little glimpses of how exciting it will be to actually give birth, to meet a new little person, to kiss that soft, fuzzy little head... but for the most part that still seems like the distant future to me. I'm happily sitting in the here and now. My big goals before February include lots of organization, schedule refinement, pre-planning for the remainder of the school year so that I don't let it all fall by the wayside when I have a sweet little angel face to admire and memorize distracting me from all those equally important goals, meal planning & freezer stocking, and potty training a certain big-sister-to-be... plus a few odds and ends around the house. So far I've been pretty productive, but there is still plenty more to accomplish. And I know myself well enough to expect many of my goals to remain unmet. But hey, I'd rather aim high and miss than just settle for nothing!

So that's the scoop. We're all happy and healthy here. All the kids (who have a clue that is) are getting excited to meet a new little brother or sister, and they all have opinions on which it will be. Girly Pie is baby-obsessed right now, so I'm hoping that is a good sign for the months to come.

Irresistable Moments...

2009-10-12T21:45:00.001-07:00

Armed and dangerous

Idn't he PERTY?

"What."

Look at that smirk.

Look... it's Cindy-Lou Who!

Male bonding

See? I really do exist!

Schedules, revisited

2009-10-08T13:09:00.000-07:00

Well I never did post the outline of my schedule. That's because A) my schedule left little to no time to sit and do such things on the computer and B) Girly Pie gave me all of three weeks on my beautiful schedule to enjoy it before she decided that she did not, in fact, need her nap from 9-11am as I had planned around, but rather that she would now be awake until 11 when I had planned on having free time for the boys. So instead of napping during school time, she decided to nap smack between the two planned school times in the day. School was from 9-11 and from 1-2:30. Little Miss Girly Pie suddenly found her toddler nap groove from 11am to 1pm. Not such a good fit.

So after a couple of weeks of fumbling around with the mornings with all four kids and trying to see what I could fit in and where, I finally sat down last night and put together a new schedule. It's a little tighter and a little more structured than my last one. But it does allow for some toddler-free school time, as well as some carefully planned one-on-one (or two) time with me and the kids. This newer version also leaves less free time for the kids, which means less floating time for me - but it adds a short window where I am free from all four kids, which the old schedule lacked. So hopefully it balances out.

And of course in about four months when Sweet Baby #5 enters the picture, I'll be back to square one anyway. But hey, hopefully I can get more than three weeks out of this one and find out just what I need to do to make a new one work out with our new needs.

So now our days (should) look something like this:

6-7a Wake, free, Mom dressed & downstairs by 7
7:00 Brushing & OT (mellow) w/F
7-8 AM chores, F set table, make & start eating BREAKFAST
8-9 Finish breakfast, P kitchen, Mom chores & laundry, L & F rooms tidied, all free when done
9:00 Brushing & OT (heavy work)
9-10 P Story of the World CD with Legos in his room, F free for quiet self directed play, Mom play/activity/early preK time w/G & GP
10-11 P independent school work, F school/work/games w/mommy, G & GP directed play or quiet free
10:45 SNACK for all
11:00 Brushing & OT (heavy work or mouth), GP nap starts
11-11:30 P free or directed play, F & G school/games w/Mommy
11:30-12 P w/mom for lesson time (language, spelling, other) or games, F & G quiet directed play
12-12:30 LUNCH, family devotional
12:30-1 P kitchen, tidy L & F rooms, F OT w. Mommy, rests start for all boys
1-2:30 all boys rest, Mom free til GP wakes up, then Mom/GP time til boys up
2:30-4 SNACK for all, then unit study time for Mom, P & F (crafts, activities, reading, some directed play), G & GP free/directed play
4-4:30 P play w/GP, F & G w/Mommy for kitchen helper or games
4:30-5 boys all free, GP w/Mommy in kitchen or doing chores
5:00 Brushing & OT
5-5:30 P tidy family room then read his book, F & G set table and help, GP w/Mommy
5:30-6 DINNER
6-6:30 Bed chores, P kitchen, G & GP baths or quiet play
6:30-7 G & GP stories & bed
7:00 Brushing & OT (calm, quiet)
7-7:30 P & F stories & bed
8:00 Lights out for any boys reading in bed

I know it looks like a lot in list form like that. But most of the directed play just means the kids don't roam free, I just get to direct them as to what game, toy or activity they are using during that time. Also, all of Finny's brushing and OT stuff we need to do about every two hours, so that's just getting to be habit and routine now. The big change is that instead of school being done before rest and afternoon, we now have a big chunk of school in the post-rest time. I will need to see how that works for us all. I admit I enjoy the free afternoons, but life with more and older children means changes need to be made. So we'll see how it goes. I hope that it will lessen the chaos and busy-ness of afternoons and evenings, while lending to a sense of direction and purpose in the play that they do have. And obviously there will be exceptions. We'll have play dates and outings and errands and field trips. In which case we just stick to the morning plan and keep Girly Pie's nap and let the rest and afternoon stuff slide. I'm all about flexibility, and with 2nd grade and under, I really have little guilt about having a day slide with only half of our intended school accomplished for a day. After all, I am comforted by the thought that in just our morning time alone we're likely doing more learning that a whole day of government schooling could accomplish. So really, in the big scheme of things, not a bad deal.

So there you go. Day 1 of Plan B has gone OK, but not right on schedule. Part of that is all the extra time put in with training and disciplining a certain Mr. Finny through his difficult transition period (how much time can one boy spend in a day whining and being sent to the stairs for YET ANOTHER time out!?). Part of it is helping all the kids learn that the new times are meant for something specific and not just play time.

But all in all, I feel the potential with this new plan is good. I'm sure there will be tweaking. And as I said I know if nothing else we'll need a whole new plan in a few months. But for now, I am happy to have a rhythm to my days again, and I hope that the structure brings us all back to that happy place we had for the few weeks we had the set times with Girly Pie's nap lining up with our school time.

In talking with Mary Grace on the phone this morning (only allowed between 8 and 9am, mind you!) she commented that she had noticed a change in my mindset and attitude towards our family's structure and what we do with our days. I'm paraphrasing there, but I have to say that I think she's right. I have felt a change and a commitment to finding a rhythm to our days that brings glory to God and accomplishes for us all in a day what He would like to see us doing. I no longer feel the freedom I once did in a day without boundaries. I feel trapped instead by that lack of structure. And knowing the person I have always been, I know for sure that I did not stumble across such a shift in perspective by my own doing. I do see God's hand in our days now, and I do feel His presence and His voice leading me in my attempts to make the most of the days I have been blessed with as wife, mother and teacher in this family.

So here's to a good day, not even over yet - and to the hope of a good tomorrow, as well!

Love is patient, Love is kind...

2009-10-07T19:44:00.000-07:00

Well after 5 solid days of high fevers, headaches, diarrhea and nausea, my sweet little Finny is finally on the mend. He came down with some nasty bug last Thursday, and was completely thrown for a loop until well into Monday afternoon. He'd flirt with low 100-101 temperatures for much of the daytimes, especially with ibuprofen running through his system, but every night he'd shoot right back up to the mid to high 103's, even measuring as high as 105. He ate next to nothing. He hardly left the couch. He sobbed through what must have been some really intense headaches for such a little man.

He was such a trooper and hardly complained at all. But by the time Tuesday morning rolled around and he wake fever free and finally ready to begin the recovery process, he was a wasted, broken little boy.

It's been a rough week this week. Honestly, with Finny, the recovery from illness is always harder on everyone (including him) than the sickness itself. He seems to do fine being wiped out, zonking on the couch with heavy doses of drinks in straw cups, videos, books and some coloring thrown in for fun. But come the day when he must rise from his stupor and actually accomplish anything whatsoever and it is as though the sky is falling every.single.time something doesn't go his way.

I know he physically cannot control himself in many ways. I know his little body struggles even on the best of days to maintain a sense of normalcy and balance that most of us take for granted. Sensory Processing Disorder is not something that he does on purpose just to make life difficult for himself and those he loves.

But can I just admit something here?

Man is it hard to maintain compassion and patience through a day (or two or three) of a five and a half year old boy whining, complaining, arguing, fussing, grumbling, withering, crying, whimpering and generally grumping through every single moment. I am thankful beyond words for my three other children who have been beyond patient and compassionate as they watch their brother fall to the floor in a heap of misery every time he has to, say, I don't know, choose a spoon to eat the pudding treat he should be thankful to be given. And I am thankful that I was blessed with enough patience and kindness to get through the day without just locking him in his room and putting earplugs in. But man, it took everything in me to not completely lose my cool with that boy. Actually, it took more than I had, which is where God stepped in and took over my own human will and weaknesses.

So I just wanted to vent that here. I love Finny more than I can say. He struggles, yes, but his struggles hit parts of my heart that I cannot even fathom being touched by anyone else. I ache to watch him suffer (and he has suffered more than all my other children combined in his short little life). But I just love him beyond reason. And yes, the past two days have been hard. I know he's lost a few pounds. I know he's weak and tired and his body has been thrown completely out of balance with the fevers and lack of nutrition over the many days of his very difficult flu. And I know that with patience, consistency, love and a whole lot of his OT exercises and some extra doses of sweetness on my part that we will see our sweet boy emerge again in a few days.

Sigh. But man, it's a stretch for me.

Thank you Lord. For Finny. For patience. For the grace You've shown me that has taught me how to show grace to others. For three other loving and patient children who know when to step back to let a brother in need get whatever it is he needs from me. And for the 12 hour break while he sleeps so I can ready myself (and You can fill me up with more of your grace and patience...) for yet another healthy day...

2009-10-02T15:58:00.001-07:00

Mmmm... Fresh, warm peanut butter cookies.

I forgot how good they really are...

Brotherly (and sisterly) Love

2009-09-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

Just a few random shots of our kids together. How very, very blessed we are to have this beautiful family. And how very, very blessed they are to have each other. It's the moments like this that make every little argument and struggle between them melt away in memories.

Finny and Goose have one matching outfit. Finny always makes sure to dress Goose in it when he picks his own out.

Punky and Goose are like two peas in a pod. And Goose just adores that biggest brother of his!

Look at those kids! I just love this shot.

A quiet moment between Punky and Finny as they enjoy a cold treat on a hot day.

The whole gang (minus me - the photographer) on our hike to some local ice caves. A little bit of everything... Batman, Transformers, big rubber boots, pig tails, and a big Daddy to show them everything he can about the world around them all.

Finny showing Goose the ropes of this whole alphabet thing. They are doing so well together in their school stuff. Finny really seems to like the role of mentor with the basics. It's great reinforcement for him, and Goose of course loves the attention and time spent with his brother.

Punky and Finny enjoying a new load of books from the library together. I love when I catch one of the big boys reading to the others. It just melts my heart.

Goose and Girly Pie going for a little walk around the house with the babies. What you can't see is that they are both wearing babies on their backs, as well. (And lest you think we have a zillion copies of everything, we don't own all the babies - most are on loan from our local library from their nifty new learning kits) These two are so cute together. They really do enjoy a special connection that I so enjoy watching unfold!

Caves and swords and pretzels, Oh My!

2009-09-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've been a little behind on posting about our school stuff, but that's only because it's going very well, and my time is spent planning and doing stuff with the kids, so I have very little computer time these days.

And I spent all day hiking for a big field trip (I love school days on Sunday!) for our caves and caverns study which we finished up over a week ago, so I'm heading to bed in a minute and can't post much now!

But we are currently doing a little study on the history of weapons. My Punky has loved weapons since long before he could talk. I wondered what I had done wrong as I watched my precious 7 month old son banging and beating on everything in the house with any object he could lift in his hands. He loves sticks, swords, bows & arrows, axes, spears... and guns (though I personally have a very strong dislike of guns and we do not allow toy guns in the house, nor do we let the boys play with them elsewhere, much to Punky's dismay).

So just for fun I thought we'd study something I KNEW he'd not only love but be completely and utterly enamoured with. And so we are. And he is indeed smitten.

We're doing it on a very basic level, just hitting the main weapons with a mild overview of the historical timeline from the stone age to now and only stopping to focus on those that grab out interest... Vikings, castles, likely a few more modern wars... We're also doing a little overview of simple machines and I look forward to seeing what my Little Engineer That Could will come up with in his spare time for creations. The boy has already made a stunning array of weapons over Week 1. I can only imagine the fun to come...

We also ordered a little wooden trebuchet kit, so the boys will be surprised and delighted when that comes in the mail and we tackle that puppy! I know they'll be inventing their own trebuchets and catapults to go with the real kit, but it was still a fun treat! And my hope is to whip up a batch of pretzel dough one day this week and let them make little pretzel swords and daggers (and guns, I'm sure) for snack. I'm pretty sure that will be almost as big of a hit as the trebuchet kit!

So that's where we are. The other non-unit study basics are still going well for Punky. The little boys are having fun learning together. Finny is doing really well with his current OT activities. Girly Pie is changing her nap time on me which is making me jump around a bit on my happy little schedule, but we'll get in a new groove soon enough. And I'm enjoying my time with them all more then ever!

Who could ask for anything more?

Oh, and the boys will start reading a slightly modified (shorter and cleaner) version of The Three Musketeers this week with their Daddy.

It's going to be a busy house around here... I wonder what they'll think of next to use as swords. ;o)

Wordless Wednesday: Stair-Step Brothers

2009-09-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

VERY quick update

2009-09-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

No time to write about our FABULOUS vacation right now.

But we're home and mostly caught up with laundry and unpacking.

And it's Monday and we're on schedule and it feels SO GOOD to be back in the groove of daily life.

I am telling you - I am so pleased right now with how our days are going and how great I feel and how smoothly everything is running. I know these great times are never permanent, but it's good stuff.

It's going to be a good week. I just know it!

Oh - and for anyone keeping track and wondering... I'm 19 weeks along today and feeling great and loving how often this little guy wiggles. I still feel "newly" pregnant, but I'll be half way to term next Monday. Crazy how time flies by when you're so busy enjoying the rest of God's blessings in life! I need to remember to sit down and enjoy the ride with this here baby, too, before my pregnancy is over and I miss the whole thing!

A recipe worth keeping

2009-09-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

I love this play dough recipe and have found it to be the very best. I have tried others, but inevitably they end up too sticky or too hard or too lumpy, or too something. ;o)

Well, I lost my beloved recipe for a while and have been using other recipes for close to a year now. I get so discouraged every time I make an inferior batch that I have even resorted to buying real Play Dough again! So knowing we’re due for a new batch soon, tonight in near desperation I took out every recipe in my whole recipe file.. and I FOUND IT!!! (It was in the dessert file of all places. Hmm… wonder what I was thinking when I put it in there! I must have been pregnant or had a newborn at the time…)

So I am posting a copy of the recipe here so that if I do somehow lose the little card again I will have a back up copy on my hard drive as well as on the web. There may be a better recipe out there somewhere, but I have yet to find it. So for now, I’m sticking with what I know and love!

Best Play Dough (and it is indeed well named!)

Boil 2 cups water, add food color (Just keep adding drops until you like the color of the water – go darker than you think, it gets much lighter when mixed with the rest of the ingredients.) and 3 Tbsp olive oil. Remove from heat and add: 2 cups flour, 1 cup salt and 2 Tbsp alum. Mix well, and knead when cool enough to do so. As you knead, add handfuls of flour as needed until it reaches the best consistency. (This is a great part for the kids to help with, as long as you let it cool enough that they can help without making their sensitive hands too tender) Store in a Ziploc. Refrigeration is not necessary (I never have and it lasts months and months) but I believe it does make it last longer.

Labor Day Meme

2009-09-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

I saw this on a lovely blog I follow and thought it would be fun to do as well Feel free to post one yourself. It seems to me that almost every mom enjoys reminiscing over her labor stories. So here's one more opportunity to do so. I know with my fifth labor coming up in a few months, I love thinking over all the details of the other four!

How long were your labors?
Punky – Technically, 4 hours and 51 minutes. But I only KNEW I was in labor for about 2 hours and 40 minutes
Finny - 3 1/2 hours
Goose - 8 1/2 hours (milder than the others, but the longest by far, he was posterior for most of it)
Girly Pie - 2 1/2 hours +/-

How did you know you were in labor?
Punky - After two hours of what seemed like very regular - though not very painful - Braxton-Hicks contractions, I was trying to convince Hubby that this time might really be it. Then my water broke. So that's when I KNEW it was labor. And boy, once the first contraction hit after that, there was no confusing them with Braxton-Hicks contractions anymore!
Finny - I woke up to pee at midnight thinking I was having back pain from sleeping on my back. When I lay back down in bed though the first full labor contraction hit and I just knew it. It was just like the post-water-breakage contractions with Punky 23 months prior.
Goose - I was late and just waiting for it. So when I woke up at 6am with slightly intense contractions, I just planned to have him that day. I figured even if it wasn't full labor yet, I knew it would HAVE to get there - he was already 6 days late! But when My midwife arrived and broke my water at noon saying, "We're gonna just have this baby today either way." I think that's when I finally knew FOR SURE that it was indeed THE DAY. ;o) One of the many reasons I love Darlene. She knows when enough is enough. ;o)
Girly Pie - Woken up at 1 or 1:30 am with labor contractions. They were full-on right away just like with Finny so I just knew. I had been dilated to 4 already at my appointment the day before, too.

Where did you deliver?
Punky - Local hospital 20 minutes from home
Finny - At home
Goose - At home again, but in our new house
Girly Pie - At home again, same house as Goose (first two babies born in the same place!)

Drugs?
Punky - Well the mean nurse at the hospital didn't believe my water had broken, so she wouldn't check me for dilation. Finally after watching me writhe around for a while in utter agony, and seeing that the little monitor barely showed one contraction ending before the next began, she thought maybe I was further along than they suspected. Up until this point they told me I probably had 8-12 hours to go for a first labor, so yes, I asked for drugs. (they also forced me to decide then and there, since the anesthesiologist wanted to go home so I had to make up my mind, darnit.). But they finally checked me and I was already at 8cm, and I was pushing Punky out before they could even get the darn IV inserted. So I never got the drugs, and had I known that my intense pain was pretty much because the baby was crowning and that my pain would soon be over, I wouldn't even have asked for them.
Finny - No.
Goose - No. But being that he was the longest I'd ever had, I do remember feeling a little annoyed at laboring at home knowing I had no chance for relief should it go on much longer. But that was "the wall" and he was born a few contractions later. Funny how that works, huh?
Girly Pie - No.

C-section?
Punky - No.
Finny - No.
Goose - No.
Girly Pie - No.

Who delivered?
Punky - Our family practitioner at the time. She was the kind of small town doctor that actually came to our son's first birthday party! After she moved away we never did find another doctor we liked as much.
Finny - My wonderful midwife Darlene. Finny was her 5th delivery in 4 days. She was so tired from not having slept for so many days that when I called her in labor at 1am she actually cried. ;o) But she came with a back up midwife just to be safe, and she was very thankful for the super fast delivery. He was born less than an hour after her arrival.
Goose - Darlene again.
Girly Pie - Darlene again, of course.

(And a bonus question) How long were you pregnant?
Punky - 39 weeks, 5 days
Finny - 39 weeks, 2 days
Goose - 40 weeks, 6 days
Girly Pie - 39 weeks, 6 days

Anybody else care to share?

Beach time....

2009-09-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

And we're off.

Time for our 4th annual September trip to Ocean Shores.

We'll be building monster sand castles and finding dozens of sand dollars. We'll be driving our Suburban up and down the beach until we find the perfect spot to park for the day and feeding french fries to seagulls just for the fun of it. We'll be swimming in the hotel pool until our fingers and toes look like raisins. We'll be wearing shorts and winter coats and our toes will be numb and blue but we'll still be happily jumping waves along the shore. We'll be flying kites and mini golfing and cramming into a few beds in a hotel room meant for two or three people. We'll be up late playing Uno, Zilch, Polish Poker and Yahtzee. And we'll be eating meals cooked by someone OTHER than me. Which is just so lovely I can't even tell you.

Goose testing out the shallow water pools left behind at low tide, 2008

It's going to be a great week. Four kids, two parents and one Grandpa. 1, 3, 5 and 7 year old kiddos make for a fun, fun week at the beach.

Finny and Punky in the water from our 2008 trip

It's going to be GREAT!!!

Girly Pie relaxing on the beach at 4 months old, her first trip, 2008

Just because she's so dang cute...

2009-09-06T21:42:00.000-07:00

Girly Pie at just shy of 16 months old.

She backed her way into this little "cave" of pampas grass in our front yard

Daddy was there to snap a few shots of her as she smiled at him from her little hideaway

This girl is just so stinking cute. Seriously.

Intentions

2009-09-04T11:14:00.000-07:00

So with all the big, fun efforts I have been putting into our "big kid" school... I have to laugh that today, the two minute prep I put into a little guy project to keep mostly Goose and partly Finny occupied for the last 20 minutes of our school time turned out to be WAY more exciting for both Finny and Punky than anything else I had planned for them this morning!

After watching Finny and Goose wander off towards making Zoob diving gear, I was inspired to do a quick letter D craft. The craft is just to make a big D and then "dot" it with Q-Tips dipped in paint. ("duh-duh-Dotty D") Fun. Simple. Educational. Perfect for Pre-K and K. So while we were doing the D's, Finny asked why we were doing D, and I said that diver starts with D, and since they liked divers so much, I thought it would be fun to do the letter D.

Of course he immediately wanted to make a little construction paper diver, which of course sent up Punky's radar and he was right there ready to give up a bit of free Lego time to join in on the paper diver fun. So I threw out some quick constructing paper body parts and a pack of brads and let the big boys go to town. Goose happily wandered off after 10 minutes of poking a Q-Tip into paint blobs and dotting his construction paper D's. He had no interest in making a paper diver at all.

So there you go. One of the many joys of homeschooling with multiple aged children around. You just never know what you'll do, or what they'll find the most joy in doing.

Fun times!

2009-09-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

Just two seconds before I need to go back to the action...

But it's Thursday of Week One of our unit studies, and it's going GREAT!!!

We're doing a study on caves and caverns, and the kids are really enjoying themselves. There is so much we could explore, but with only aiming for the kindergarten and second grade levels, I'm keeping things fun and simple. They are getting info, but not an overwhelming (read: boring) amount of it.

So far this week we've: read a great kids book on caves and caverns, learned about the different types of caves and how they are formed, discussed both the evolutionist and creationist theories of how limestone caves were formed, learned about many different types of limestone cave formations, explored the internet for pictures of caves and cave paintings, learned specifically about the Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, formed our own clay and sugar cube versions of limestone caves (we'll finish them soon and watch the sugar "limestone" dissolve leaving behind solid clay) and made our own cave paintings on rocks. And that's just been since Tuesday! We still have cave animals to discover, bats to study, a real cave expedition to undertake... and so much more!

So I have to say that between the interest led unit we're doing and the schedule allowing me to make specific times in the day to do our activities, it's really going great.

OK. Back to cave painting. I think Miss Girly Pie is tiring of her play-dough distraction while the boys paint. Time to entertain the baby. ;o)

Time

2009-09-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

Time.

60 seconds in a minute. 60 minutes in an hour. 24 hours in a day. 7 days in a week. 52 weeks in a year.

It is what it is and it doesn't change – at least it hasn't in my lifetime.

And yet, it can feel so very different from one day, one month, one season to the next. Some days you wonder how you will ever make it to dinner time, and other days suddenly it’s 20 minutes past your normal dinner hour and you look up and wonder in amazement, “Where did the day go?”

A few weeks back I felt like I had so very, very much to do and so very, VERY little time in which to do it all. I felt robbed of all that I wanted to do and overwhelmed with all I HAD to do. It was a funny mix of “Where did the day go, I’ve hardly done a THING!?” and “How can I possibly survive until my Hubby gets home? This day is taking forever!”

A few months from now, I may very well be back in that same spot. But right now, at least for the past two weeks or so, I suddenly see so much potential for my time, and suddenly it seems everything is falling neatly into place each day.

Suddenly, the time I have been blessed with each day seems perfectly matched to the tasks which lay before me.

Right now, in this particular stretch of time (and I can only pray this “stretch” lasts for a LONG time!) everything lines up. And each moment of each day, from my always too-early seeming wake up to my always too-late feeling plop into bed, feels rewarding, challenging, fun and... right where I want to be.

I know most of the difference is my own perspective and attitude. Honestly, since Girly Pie’s emergency room adventure a couple of weeks back, my eyes have definitely been on my Maker to take care of me and carry me through my struggles rather than on my own lack of ability to get through them. My eyes have also been back on Him with an attitude of thanks for the blessings I have been given, rather my view of my blessings being blocked by the obstacles of life and my own negativity and fears.

And I’m pretty sure that just that shift of focus has made the most difference in how I have felt since then. I feel God has blessed that shift in focus back to Him. I'm looking back where He wanted me to look, and I do feel He's pleased with that.

There is something else though, too. In addition to changing where my focus is (or maybe because of that change?) I’ve also felt more driven and inspired in working out a daily routine that better fits our family’s needs.

I’ve tried and failed so many times before at schedules and routinesmore times that I care to count let alone admit out loud. Really, to tell the truth, I hate schedules. I go into them kicking and screaming, and usually run right back out the same way. And there is absolutely no guarantee that this time will be any different.

But, at least for the moment, this time does feel different. This time, I really can feel God's hand in how our days are going. I actually feel like He gave me the the inspiration I have been desperately seeking and revealed to me how He knew our days would best be spent.

I can see my days in chunks and I know what will fill those chunks. I have been shown what has been lacking, and those gaps are being filled daily now. I feel guided and structured, but not restricted and confined.

Sure, I have much less “me time” than I did before, but somehow the time I do find to be free and mine is getting better used and I appreciate it more. Instead of sneaking in little snippets here and there at the computer or at finishing the smaller tasks around the house left undone, I see now how I was taking away from the more important things I want to do each day. I also see that while I was constantly multi tasking every moment of every day, I was never really fully in any given moment or task. I was always only semi-present. And so I missed the joy in most of what I did.

And now I am so very much enjoying my days, even though I am doing so much more than I was before! And yet, I feel like I have MORE time than I did before.

It's amazing really.

Maybe I’ll post the skeleton of my daily schedule/routine another day, but the meat and potatoes of the plan is not really my point today. My point is just that time never really does change, but what you do with it, and the attitude and perspective you have during the time you are blessed with, really does make a huge difference in how your time is passed, and in how you feel in each moment you have.

Or at least that’s my thought on the matter. For the moment, anyway.

It's going to be great!

2009-08-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

I'm so very excited...

I am going to try and sew my very first skirt for Girly Pie this evening. And I get to hang out and chat with my best bud Mary Grace while I'm at it.

It's going to be such a fun evening!

I just hope I can figure out how to gather for the skirt... Guess we'll see!

It's working!

2009-08-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

So I know many homeschoolers are in full school swing by this point in August, but we here are just starting to get slowly back into the groove. My biggest goal for the weeks I consider "warm up time" is to see what kind of daily schedule I can work out for us all.

I want to fit in the basic, and mostly independent, school stuff for Punky and have been trying out a few different methods to see how he can best know what he needs to accomplish during this time on his own in the day. So far, though we've had some days when he is clearly not all there and plugged in (he is a seven year old boy - I would expect no less!), he seems to be getting the hang of just setting to work and getting his independent work done quickly and efficiently, with much less tendency to be distracted than when we started.

During this time when he is productively occupied, I am also trying to figure out how I can best use my time elsewhere. Should that be a time to get all my household duties done? Would that make a good pre-k time for Finny and Goose? Should I make it a mommy-daughter time with Girly Pie before she has her nap? I'm not sure yet... but since GP's nap is in transition from two medium naps a day to one longer one, she's still not a concrete person to count on at any particular time in the day yet, so I am leaning towards chores or pre-k time.

I also want to make a time in the day (hopefully while GP is asleep) when I can dive into the fun stuff with P and F. We'll be doing some unit studies, though I do not want to make them super-duper academic. I want that part of our schooling to be fun, exciting, mentally stimulating but not overly taxing - and really the part of the day we all look forward to the most. So having one less distracting little one around is a good fit for that. That will be the time when we do related crafts, science experiments and any bigger games or activities involved with our topic of study. I might also do the reading on the topic then, but I'm not sure.

And of course I need to make sure I'm available every two hours to be heading up the OT exercise for Finny, so I'll need to fine tune what the others are doing during those short but important times when he and I work together. Distraction is particularly hard for Finny to work through, so I am learning way s to have others occupied so he and I can find those 5-10 minute times to just focus on our work (it's harder than it sounds in a house with four young children to keep the other three from distracting one in particular)

The other key to our new days is learning how to keep everyone directed, even when I am not personally involved with each of their activities. I am learning the art of assigning and rotating activities for all three boys - even just fun, simple stuff like Duplos, playdough, blocks and magnets. Instead of letting them roam freely in between set work times, choosing those same activites or others as they please, I want to have more of the day structured where they are focused on specific kinds of activities, though still mostly playing (since they are still so young!). The focus and direction is mainly for Finny, since his therapist has encouraged me to minimize his completely free-range time, as he tends to lose his self regulating ability when left to his own devices for more than a few minutes. This new kind of directing and rotation is not really my natural approach to things, so it's been a bit of a slow learning curve, but I am finding fruit in it for all of us, and as I get more accustomed to it, I think it will suit us well over the coming years.

So all this to say I have a lot to finagle into our days, and that's really not even including basics like meals, most household work, one-on-one time with any of the kids... and many other very important things. But it's a good start, and we're finding some ways that work - and some ways that don't!

But today, it really went beautifully for the morning, even though we got off on a late start. We had a false wake at 4:40 from Miss Girly Pie and though we all fell back asleep, we were slow moving when we did wake up. Then our aging dog surprised us with a nice smelly mess in his kennel this morning, so among other things, we just had a lot to do before we could really get moving this morning. So I was sure all the school/schedule stuff was going to be a wash this morning. But Punky, though late to start, cruised right through his independent work with not a lick of help needed from me, Goose happily spent his free time playing nicely with Finny, and I was able to finish the morning work later than usual and to put GP down for nap, again later than usual. But when I came down from GP's nap routine, I found Punky sitting at the work table diligently plodding away at his math book, and right across from him was happy, "just right engine" Finny, who had decided this looked like the perfect time to pull out his reading lesson and begin going through it on his own.

Normally we do that together, and it is not something I am at all looking to have him do independently. (what's the point of homeschooling if I can't even be the one to sit down and watch my kids learn to read!?) But I was just so tickled to see that with all the effort I've been putting into our mornings, it seems the idea of working and staying on task with productive efforts seems to be setting in. The fact that instead of coming down from the nap routine to find Punky distracted by Finny's play time with Goose, I found Finny drawn into the quiet table time. I guess it's time to find at least one or two kindergarten-ish workbooks so that Finny can have something to do for his own "work" time, since he clearly would like something of that nature to call his own.

And that is something I hope to see more of in the coming years, though I know there will still be many a day (month, year...) of finding the workers distracted by the players, I do hope that we will see more and more of the players joining in on the more directed learning experience.

So it is working. My children are learning routines and self direction. They still have plenty of time to play in the day, and much of their directed time is still spent in just doing simple activities that they enjoy, with none of the three R's covered through the process. But they are learning something through it all.

And so am I!

Award time!

2009-08-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Mary Grace!

Wow. I was given an award! I was humbled this evening to do a quick check before bed and to find that my best friend, IRL and in cyberlife, Mary Grace (who blogs over at Books and Bairns) thought I was deserving of a blogging award for being thankful and/or having a good attitude. So thanks Mary Grace! So I will gladly pass on the joy of being so honored to a few other lovely bloggers I enjoy reading up on.

The rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate up to 10 blogs which show great attitude and/or gratitude!

3. Be sure to link your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Remember to link the person from whom you received your award.

So without further ado...

I hereby nominate...

Vicki at Joy Home Living ~ Because as far as I can tell she is always joyful in her life and always has something encouraging to post about - and when she hits a snag, she seems to coast right through without letting it bog her down.

Meghann at The Jones Family ~ Because just reading her blog you can tell she is smiling all the time!

Ellajac at Aspiring to Simplicity ~ Though she just had a baby over the weekend, so she may be awhile before posting again, but I get a kick out of reading about her daily life. And who doesn't want to read the blog of a woman with four girls, the youngest only days old?

Melody at They Call Me Mama ~ Because she posts such beautiful pictures of her beautiful family, and because her posts just seem to ooze with the joy she finds in her daily life as a Mama and wife to her family.

What are little girls made of?

2009-08-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

... Oh, and ER visits, too.

So I got to spend my first day in an ER today - and it was not with one of my three sons. It was with my little Girly Pie. I've heard many a rumor that girls are docile, calm and still. But not my sweet Girly Pie. She is sweet for sure, and definitely has her daintier qualities. But she is not anywhere near still. She's been a climber since before she could walk, and has given me more than my fair share of scares over the past months of her increasing mobility.

But this morning when she fell and bumped her lip on a small child's bench we keep at our little kid's table, she hardly cried at all, and I never would have thought twice about such a simple stumble.

Except for the fact that there was blood everywhere and her lip had a nasty looking flap of skin hanging off of it.

Looking at it I suspected immediately that it would need something - stitches, skin glue, something like that. I called Mary Grace to confirm my suspicions (I didn't want to be too paranoid, after all lip wounds can look much worse than they really are) and then set to work trying to figure out just what to do.

The really cool thing was that God's hand was all over the day. For a start, my Hubby has Mondays off from field work and he works at home doing phone and office stuff, so I had the flexibility to just go with Girly Pie and not have to worry about who could watch my three boys, or about taking them along and dividing up the attention that I was sure a sad little girl would need fully. And from there, the little twists and turns of the day just led more and more directly to exactly where God knew we needed to go.

Our new insurance is apparently not accepted by our current doctor's office - a fact we just found out this morning when I called to find out if they could squeeze her in for a look. I have never much liked the whole office, and really the only reason we have remained is that it is only 25 minutes away and all the other docs are 40 minutes or more. But I always second guess their thoughts and we never have really been on the same wavelength. So I called my good friend E. who uses the same insurance and has always said wonderful things about their pediatrician. She quickly gave me the number, and off I drove with Girly Pie, waiting on hold on my cell as I headed that direction and going on faith that they would make room for her ASAP. Sure enough, even though the wonderful doc didn't have any openings until 5pm, they made room for Girly Pie right as we arrived at 10am. The new doc was WONDERFUL. I know that I would not have appreciated my old doc's advice as much as Dr. Wonderful's, and he was so sweet with Girly Pie, and so thorough with his exam. He was gentle with her and explained to me the severity of the injury.

Now I will pause in the story here to point out that Girly was not crying during all this time. The fall was minor, the bleeding had stopped, and aside from missing her morning nap, she was really not fazed at all by the whole ordeal of the actual injury. (another small miracle for the day!) So the doc told me all I needed to know, and said that since the cut was on the line between her actual lip and the skin below, and because it was so close to the crack where upper and lower lips meet, it was just a really hard place to stitch up. He saw she did indeed need stitches, but he knew his office was not equipped to do such a delicate job on such a small, and uncooperative, patient.

So we were sent to the Children's Hospital in Seattle, over an hour from our home. He said we could go to others nearer, but that Children’s would be the best equipped to do such a delicate procedure on one so young.

So off we went. Again, this doc's demeanor and his kindness and gentleness with both my girl and this worried momma were so comforting, and I really did trust his opinion. I really see God's hand in the insurance thing sending us away from our other office to this one.

So eventually (after so very much waiting and talking and looking and waiting…) Girly Pie was given a bit of a loopy drug, the name of which eludes me at the moment, to lessen her reaction to being messed with and to make her forget the whole ordeal when it was over. She was definitely happier after the drug - she had been horrified up to that point by anyone even looking at her or taking her pulse, let alone sticking needles in her face! But even with the happy juice, she fought like crazy when they tried to wrap her up in the blanket to do the procedure. She was numb and a little sedated, but still fully conscious - and fully ticked off to be so rudely messed with.

Poor thing.

So as if that wasn't bad enough, after I was finally able to hold her again and calm her down, while she was sucking on a popsicle BOTH of her stitches popped out.

So they had to do it AGAIN.

That is the point at which, as her Mommy, it really got hard for me. I had already told her we were all done, she was in my arms and ready to go. But that wound just opened right back up, and aside from just not wanting her to have a big scar on her face for the rest of her life, I just could not imagine how the healing process would go with such a big, floppy wound.

So I agreed to try it one more time, stating that if these new stitches failed that we were done and she was just meant to have a scar.

So they did it again. They used a heavier gauge suture, and did three stitches instead of two. And she fought even harder.

The hardest part for me though was not so much the fighting and crying. That was actually a good thing. I was glad to see her fighting and not just accepting such abuse. But when she plaintively called out "Mama! MAAAMAAA!" through that second procedure I just about lost it.

I just could not imagine how terrified she was in that moment, her head held down by strangers, bright lights in her face, her lip numb and her body reacting to a strange drug in her system that made her feel out of control. And when she called for the one person she trusts most in the world to help her - I couldn't. I couldn't help her, and I couldn’t stop the fear.

I just talked to her all through it and stroked and held what parts of her little body I could without disturbing the doctors, and I prayed like crazy. I prayed that God would give her peace and not let this be a scarring event in her life - emotionally, I mean. I could care less about the physical scar compared to that. And I prayed that she really would just forget the whole thing, and that it wouldn't be something that would really affect her as she grows.

So finally, long past when I ached to hold her, they finished the last stitch and I got to pick up my frightened, sweaty, exhausted little girl. And she really did calm down quickly. She did not like any of the hospital folks after that, though I can hardly blame her. But she was happy to be in my arms, and we went home shortly thereafter.

Girly Pie was asleep before we even got out of the parking lot, and slept like a rock for the whole hour + ride home. The poor girl had missed her usual naps and hadn't eaten since her very meager breakfast at 7:30 this morning. We left the ER at 3 in the afternoon.

But when she woke up, she was happy and snuggly and ready to get up and get to playing at home. She still wants to grab at her lip, which we of course are not supposed to let her do, but she is eating fine and as far as I can tell is not feeling any pain from the whole incident.

And though I can't tell for sure, I feel like my prayers really were answered, and Girly Pie seems to have forgotten the trauma of the ER today already. She has not been overly clingy or fearful, and she really has been her same old, adventurous self all evening. She has already given us several scares from climbing and trying to fall. I'm not super thrilled about the scares, but it's still a good sign that she's feeling like herself.

Sigh.

So that was my day. I had big plans for a mellow day at home, a bit of school and tidying up, maybe a trip to a park after her nap. But God had other plans for our day.

And really, aside from the pain of watching her through that second procedure as she called for me - and thinking about just how terrified and awful she was feeling in that moment - through the whole day I was so aware of God's gifts for the day. I never had those thoughts of "If only she hadn't fallen!" I was so focused on being thankful that God had everything under control. The day was crazy, there were such hard moments, and nothing went as smoothly as it could have. But the trouble with the doc's office ended up being a blessing. And the doc not being able to do the stitching was a blessing too. Can you imagine if they had tried in the office and failed? It would have been even more traumatic there, and then we would have had to go to the hospital in the end anyway, since the stitches clearly needed to be done in such a special way. And what if we had gone to our old doc and they had tried to do a less-than-the-best fix for her? I was just so thankful that God paved the whole day to get my girl, His girl, where she needed to go for the best care.

So today really was such a good reminder to me that stuff happens in life. There are no promises that we'll be protected from hardships. But God does make a way to get you through those hard times, and he makes sure you are carried safely to the other side.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him... (emphasis mine)

So today was a much needed perspective check, and I feel firmly kicked out of my little cave of worry over the things to come. I've been stuck here in neutral for a few weeks, wondering how to do all that I have to do, and feeling overwhelmed by all I feel I must do. But in all that, I lost sight of God's power to carry me through any hard times to come, and I lost focus on the gifts and blessings he has blessed me with along the way.

As our pastor recently said powerfully in a message about the young David in the Bible before he was king - I was like the other Israelites, focusing on the Giant - unlike David, who put his focus on the Giant Killer - God.

So today I am happily, joyfully, thankfully back where I belong. My eyes are on my Giant Killer. The giants of my life - the duties, the fears, the sensory disorders, the responsibilities, the worries of failing those I love the most – will no longer receive my utmost attention. God, the defender of us all, the slayer of all of life's Giants, is where my eyes are pointed once again.

And I never would have thought He would remind me of that simple truth by walking me through a day of trauma and pain in my baby girl's life. But He does indeed work in mysterious ways. And my baby is safe and happy and sleeping soundly in her bed.

I have nothing in the whole world to complain about. I have only thanks to give this night.

Grumpiness Update

2009-08-16T15:20:00.000-07:00

Well I did indeed end up having a very nice time at the family gathering yesterday. The car ride was decent. The kids were happy and cooperative. My headache lingered but did lessen. And after a rather adrenaline-pumping experience of just barely making it back to the car in time for our ferry to board ( I actually threw kids in seats just in time to barely get in the driver seat and get the car in gear as I drove onto the ferry without anyone buckled! That's crazy for me!), my focus was back on the rush of life and not so much stuck in the doldrums. So that helped. ;o)

But the highlight of the day, the thing that helped it all to come back around so that I could really remember why I find so much joy in the work that I do and in the family that I work so very hard for, was in the hour I spent in a community pool at the beach house where the gathering was. All four of our kids wanted to go in, so my husband was not quite enough to keep them all in arm's reach (only one is really a swimmer, and even with life jackets, Goose is too scared to do any floating alone) which meant that I had to put on a swimsuit and join the crew.

I do like swimming, but I do not like cold. So to go into any body of water that is cooler than a bathtub is a bit of a bother to me. But my baby girl was so happy to go in the water, and those boys' smiles were so big, that I just couldn't say no. So once I was suited and in the pool, the fun really began.

Punky was a complete fish. Once he had on a snorkel, I was shocked to find that he can actually fully swim! He's built like a brick and sinks like a rock, so even with strokes and skills he has had a hard time in the past. But he was completely confident and capable yesterday. I was so proud of and happy for him. My boy is so big. Finny was thrilled to toodle around in his life jacket, and he even took it off towards the end and did great just paddling around with a floaty kickboard. He is clearly well on his way to swimming independence, too. Goose was so proud to be in the big pool. "Wook Mommy. I'm swimmin' in duh poow!" He was quite the cling-on with either my Hubby or myself, but he was so cute and thrilled to kick and "swim" all over the place.

And then there was Girly Pie. She's never been in a big pool before. I know she likes baths and the little blow up backyard pools we put out on hot days, but she can always touch the bottom in those situations. But that girl LOVES to swim! Her whole body squirmed and kicked with delight as we floated her around in the pool. She kicked enthusiastically, and seemed completely unfazed by any distance from us - we could hold her out at arm's length and she gladly just kicked away, enjoying the sensation of the water all around her. The smile on her face was so wide made it look as though her cheeks were literally ready to split apart! Her little face is burned in my mind in one of those never-to-be-forgotten memories.

I guess I've gotten a little overwhelmed lately by all that it takes to keep a larger family running - the laundry, the food planning and prep, the school planning, cleaning, organizing, not to mention disciplining and putting out the fires between my three busy boys right now. And the struggles with Finny's SPD are hard on me, too. I have been so busy pouring myself into getting on top of things with him, and keeping afloat in the sea of daily duties that I have lost the focus on the daily joys. And some days, I honestly don't seem to have time for the daily joys.

But yesterday, watching my baby girl light up with the new and wonderful experience of feeling weightless in a vast expanse of water was almost a spiritual experience for me. To see all my children so lit up by the joy of that hour in the pool did wonders for my heart.

Yes, there is a lot to do. And yes, there are times when I am doing so much "damage control" with one or another of my more demanding or needy children that I will miss out on the simpler and more enjoyable moments with them or the others.

But that's not all there is to it. And I do not want to get so caught up in the trials that I miss the rewards and the joys.

So today, thanks in part to an hour in a pool, and thanks in larger part to my Hubby who has blessed me today with a bit of a "day off" after I broke down and told him I was just overloaded and needed a chance to just rest and be off duty for some of today, I do feel much better.

Today I got to spend a few quiet moments with each of those whom I love so much. I slept in a bit and had a few quiet moments to read the Bible before I started my day. I had a bit of a quiet time with my Hubby. I sat and picked a few blackberries to munch with Girly Pie. I played Legos alone with Finny. I had a short but sweet snuggle with Goose after his rest. And though I have not had time yet with just Punky, I do plan to read a bit extra with him tonight in our time together at bedtime, so I can just enjoy that sweet big boy of mine. And we all ate lunch quietly together. And we all took a walk. And my Man made breakfast and brought home lunch and will help with dinner. My kids are enjoying the day of rest, and I am already feeling refreshed and ready to begin a new week.

So yesterday's big whine-fest was truly driven by a struggling heart and a tired and weak body that has been pushed past its limits for awhile. But today I feel the joy in this life God has blessed me with has been renewed. I feel better ready to handle the speed bumps on the road ahead.

I feel more like myself, in other words. Which is much better than this curmudgeon that seems to have taken over my body lately! ;o)