Sickness is for the birds.

I need to go to bed more than I need to post right now, but I wanted to quickly mention that things had been going really well with Little Bug in the mix, until the whole family got a Big Nasty Bug and we had vomiting and diarrhea for the past week. Everyone but Punky and (thank you Lord for answering prayers on this one) Little Bug got the nasty mini-flu and it was no fun. It was a short virus - one night each of being sick, one extra day of feeling rotten, and we were over it. From Monday to Sunday we fought the battle of illness.

And even though I was only two weeks into keeping up with everything as a Momma of five, I did alright all week. Even when I got hit with it (and with my low weight and my tendency to have trouble keeping up on calories to nurse well it's a bad thing for me to catch such a thing at this stage of the game) things still felt OK. I could do it all and it didn't feel too bad at all.

But it all caught up to me the other night and I was left in tears as I looked back on my week - and entire third of Little Bug's life - and realized I had walked through the whole thing on autopilot. I barely remembered a thing, and was sure I had lived very little of it in the moment. I hardly made eye contact with any of my kids, and had very little time to spare to actually enjoy the company of any of them. There were extra sheets and towels to wash, sick people to tend to, healthy people to keep away from the quarantined, a baby to tend to and basic needs to be met. I held my baby, sure, but I hardly got to enjoy him at all.

And that made me so sad. I so very much do not want to live this life on autopilot. And that night that I broke down was because it felt like maybe that was what life was really going to be like.

But I know it was just the illness on top of it all. Sleeplessness I can handle for months. A messier house than usual is no big deal to me. A little extra chaos, guilt over not doing enough stuff for school with the big kids, busy days and constant activity around me - all part of my life. But throw in that flu and I was down. It was a really bad week for that to happen, since it was the week I really felt back on my feet and ready to just be Mom again with my Hubby back at work.

But the Lord is good. My Hubby was able to be home for all our sick days (including one of his own!). What a blessing that was! Little Bug did not get sick, for which I cannot even tell you how grateful I am! The sickness was short lived, so those who did get sick got well quickly. Even my sickness was milder than the rest and I didn't even lose any weight. And even though I've already had some worries over nursing and low calorie intake I feel like God has answered my prayers and I already feel back on track with food and my milk supply.

So all this to say - I've not been writing because we've been sick and I have really just been working hard to be present when and where I can at home. And to say that even when things get hard, God always manages to shine through the darkness.

So this week we have been healthy and I know that life with our new family of seven really is just as beautiful, and even moreso, than life was with only six of us. Our days have been good and the kids adore Little Bug. I have been able to make time to just be with him in the day, as well as enjoy the others.

Yes, things are busier. There is more to do in a day and sure I have moments where there are more things to do than hands to do them. But it's the GOOD kind of busy. The kind of busy that makes me feel like my life is full to bursting, the kind of full that makes me sad for those whose lives seems calm - and empty.

But I am enjoying the days, the moments... the flashes of my Little Bug's first smile and the sweetness of my bigger guys all fawning over him, the sparkle in my husband's eyes as he scoops Girly Pie up in a huge Daddy hug when he gets home from work or when he holds our newborn son in his arms... life again feels so very sweet and I again feel so blessed to have been given these people in my family to share life with.

And as long as we stay vomit free, I think we're gonna be OK. ;o)