It's here!

Take a deep breath...

Do you smell that? That, my friends, is the sweet smell of spring.

I just love spring. The sun is out on a somewhat consistent basis around here (I use the term "consistent" loosely... this is Washington, after all.) and my three growing young boys can really get out and do what their little bodies long for all winter long... They can soak up the chilly spring sun. They can drag 50 pound sacks of play sand to replenish the sandbox for the season. They can clip away at the remnant blackberry vines out front and make a cave to be their fort (for a few months anyway, until they start growing like mad again and become a wild mass of prickers with a promise of future blue-stained faces and batches of jams and cobblers...). They can ride their bikes in the driveway. They can delight in the discovery of a lizard named Alex near our front walk that we released there just before the real cold of winter set in - and find joy in knowing he survived the cold and will likely remain as our wild little pet friend. They can tie together sticks and random garage bits to make eccentric creations used for who-knows-what purpose. They can rediscover bugs - and their mom can realize that it only takes one winter to wipe the memories of bug names from her children's minds (how can one forget the name of rolly-pollies!?). They can play until far after lunch is normally served while Mommy tidies up the oh-so-messy garage a bit. Then they can eat their (late) lunch at the picnic table under the playset in the back yard, dirty hands and all. The swings get swung. The mud gets trampled. The back door rug gets filthy from little shoes stomping in and out through the day. Plants get discovered, buds are noticed. Swamps (or the more P.C. term, wetlands...) are explored and boots are filled with water. There are at least 5 pairs of filthy socks in my laundry tonight... and I only have three walking children! Girly Pie can get her first real taste of spring as an aware little gal. Goose can run around with any random empty container as a hat on his head. There are smiles. There is chasing and Frisbee throwing. Faces are flushed, freckles begin to peep out already. Grass is there to be wrestled in. Brothers are there to entertain, play, plot and chase together.

Yes. Spring is here. And it is good. I do so appreciate the seasons that God made for us. I love when each new season begins, and I am most definitely ready for the ending season to turn over to the next one.

And one more thing that hits me each year as each new season approaches... Last year's spring was the same in many ways, but very different, as well. Life with a growing family of young children really shows you just how much can change in a year.

Sure, the crabapple out back is getting ready to bud out again at the same time it did last year. Yes, the same flowers (at least those that survived out record snows this year) are peeping out their little heads. The world is still very much the same.

But suddenly the one and a half year old baby brother from last spring is now a two and a half year old boy - and he can keep up with much of the play. The large wiggling belly that I was so sure was our fourth baby boy - our expected child whom we had not even met at last spring's beginning... is now a beautiful 10 month old little girl. I will not be bending over any garden beds this summer with a big belly. Instead, I will be mastering the hike hold with my Moby wrap so that Girly Pie can ride on my back in style while I plant a (very) few veggies to enjoy this summer. Last year's four and six year old boys are now five and seven. They have big plans for the warmer weather, and it's clear that they are getting the skills, experiences and knowledge to pull off a lot more exploration and creation this year, and that they will not need nearly as much help from me as I am used to giving.

My family is growing and changing. These little people are in constant motion. Last spring was wonderful. I cherished my fourth pregnancy, I drank up every moment of expectation and anticipation. I loved watching my boys as they explored the world around them.

And I will never get that spring back. Never again will I be largely pregnant with my fourth child while my boys enjoy a spring at 6, 4 and almost 2 years old.

So with that perspective in mind - along with Psalm 118:24's reminder to rejoice in this day that the Lord has made... I intend to make the very most of this spring. Never again will I have 7, 5 and almost 3 year old boys to watch master the outdoors. Never again will Girly Pie discover the yard for the first time. Never again will my baby girl take her first steps and celebrate her first birthday. Heck, I'll never again be twenty-anything come June. ;o)

So today was wonderful. It was so good to just be there, present and watching the bustle around our little corner of the world, so full of life and smiles and happiness and busy-ness and projects and discovering... And it felt so good to know we get a whole season of this ahead of us.

I won't even get into the figurative parallels here with life's changing seasons... but I'm sure you can see that for yourself.

So off I go to sleep off a good day's living. I cannot imagine being more blessed than I am. Thank you Lord, for this beautiful life you have blessed me with. I do not deserve it, and yet I am so grateful and humbled to live it.

Wow. That was fast.

So my sweet little Girly Pie is eight months old today.

Yes, the same little Girly Pie that I swear I just gave birth to last month. Seriously, wasn't I just in the midwife's office for my weekly prenatal visit, packing up to head out the door with three little boys, a big belly and four centimeters dilated? Didn't I just call my Mary Grace and E. at 2am to come over and hang out for the +/- hour in the middle of the night before this mystery baby came so smoothly into the world? Wasn't it just yesterday that my husband said those words I will never in all my life forget... "It's a little girl."? I know for sure that in utter awe I held this little girl in my arms for the first time just moments ago, no name picked but there she was regardless, beautiful and pink and small and perfect.

But no. It really and truly has been eight entire months... my little baby is a big baby.

And just in case the physical age wasn't enough for me to just know she is heading out of all those new little baby months and moments and hurtling towards that bigger still-kind-of-a-baby-but-soon-to-be-toddler (thanks for the reminder, MG!) part of life, she decided to prove it outright last night and today.

My baby girl has been scooting in that cute army crawl/inchworm/alligator type way for weeks. She's been mobile for what seems like ages with just rolling and wriggling around. She’s been fast for a couple of weeks now. And she's been toying with crawling and pulling up on things.

And last night for the first time she full out crawled. Hand over knee and off she went.

It was not a fluke, either, because this morning she was right back at it. And then, just to really rub it in just that little bit more, she also threw just one more big-baby milestone at me, too. When she crawled to me as I beamed at her and cheered her on, she caught onto my enthusiasm and decided that was the moment to sit up on her knees and try out her first clap, too.

So my sweet little baby girl... that newborn teeny tiny little thing of mine... is getting bigger.

And she is oh so sweet. And she is adorable and eager. Her smile is so engaging and endearing. She loves people and is so sweet to always want to reach out and touch the face of any person willing to take a moment to engage her in conversation. Her eyes are so bright and that girl so wants to get moving and explore this world of hers – just as long as she still has her Momma in sight. She adores her big brothers with a passion that just delights my mother's heart. I love how she heads straight for the dog food bowl and grabs handfuls of it in lightening fast speed and then throws them wildly to the floor so she can get yet another handful dumped out before I get to her and ruin all the fun. It's so dang cute, too, how she does that sweet little baby bird thing when I am feeding her. She just patiently sits there with her mouth wide open, a serious look of communication on her face as she stares me down, willing me to pop the next spoonful in there as I take just that little bit too long in between all the distraction of life with a few big brothers around. It’s so darling when she sings into her little blue kazoo. And we all love hearing her little sing-song voice as she babbles the day away.

So, always reluctant to embrace change, I sit here with that bitter-sweet feeling as I see change coming none the less. I am so thrilled to see her reach these milestones and to be thriving and alive and so full of excitement and joy. I love to watch her grow and to get to know each little bit of her. She’s this mystery to me. A daughter. My daughter. A young woman in the making. I know so little about this world, and I really am in awe as I watch this world unfold in her. I know nothing of who she will be, who God created her to be, and really, who she was before is already fading. She just is who she is today. And I just love her, every little bit of her. I’m a little sad to think that today will not last forever. But not too sad.

Does that even make sense? I don’t know. I am just enjoying the bejeebers out of this little girl.

But it is going wildly fast this time around.

So my Girly Pie is officially crawling now. She also began pulling up on furniture today and even decided to try and cruise around the coffee table this evening. That girl is gonna be a fun one to watch. I can’t even imagine the adventures that are on the way with her.

So now we move on… to the next stage, the newest adventure. Soon it will be real talking and walking, running, jumping and defying. Soon enough she’ll be the crazy two year old and Goose will be the mellow four year old. Finny will be six and Punky will be eight. It’ll all happen in the blink of an eye, just as the last almost seven years have happened already.

But today I have the cutest little crawling baby girl on the entire planet. My babies are all tucked snug in their beds. And I’ve got a picture to paint. So I’m a happy woman. (no one but Mary Grace will know what that last part means… but MG, I know you’re chuckling at me!)

Blue

I'm a little blue today. I just have days where it all seems so fleeting. I love this time, my children so small and still needing me so much. I love this time in life, this season. The vast majority of the time I feel so blessed in this day that I do not look ahead to tomorrow, when the unknown will come. But I have days now and then where I let the fears of tomorrow creep in and whisper in my ear.

Today and yesterday have been like that I guess.


Will it be OK when my kids are grown and don't need me anymore? Will I know who I am then? Can I be someone besides Punky, Finny, Goose and Girly Pie's mom?


I don’t know.


But I'll get over it. By the end of today I'll be right back in Psalm 118:24... This is the day the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

But for the moment, I'm wondering about tomorrow and being a little sad for the yesterdays gone by.

My Finny will be five in January, you know. I'm not ready for that one to get big, I think. He's my soft spot. I can't imagine a world without a Little Finny in it. But that world is creeping up on me so much faster than I am ready for. He'll be big soon enough. His cute little toddler and preschooler ways will fade away and the bigger, older, more mature Finny will take that place.

So I am just fighting the natural progression of things today.

Anyway. Not sure why I shared all that. Maybe you understand. Maybe not. I know I cherish these young years a lot, possibly more than most people. So maybe it is easier for some as their babies grow into children and finally adults. But for me, it's tough to let them go. And I homeschool, so it's not even like they're physically going anywhere! ;o) It's just hard sometimes to watch who they were disappear as who they were created to be takes shape, you know?

OK, enough of that. Off I go to bake brownies with my biggest boy. Our Friday baking time together. Time to just soak in all of today that I can.