I always want to be good. For what I do to be right.
I want for the kind of mom I am to be the right kind. I want my efforts as a wife to be good, to be the kind I should be aiming for. I want our family to be right - not perfect, but right. Just as it should be. I want the friendships and relationships in my life to be right, too. I always want to do what's right, and often I am aware of my weak areas and willing, even striving, to change to move from wrongness into rightness. But there are times when what I really want, if I'm honest with myself, is to hear that what I am doing, what I want to do, what I am comfortable doing, is right - which in turn means I do not want to hear that what I am doing is wrong.
I want my faith to be right, too. I want to believe that the kind of Christian, or Christ follower, or believer, or whatever you want to call it, is the right kind. Because, you know, there really are all kinds.
But I guess sometimes, God has to bring it all crashing down to remind me that there is no right parent. There is no right friend. There is no right wife. And there is no right faith.
None of it. I can't be right, not really. Not the way I want to be. The way I strive to be.
But then He ever so tenderly reminds me that it's ok. I don't have to be right. I don't have to be good enough.
Because He is.
He is right, always. He is enough, always. He is perfect, always.
It's hard though, being reminded that I'm really and truly not all that.
It's humbling to have to ask for forgiveness, to admit I was wrong. Again.
But it's good, too. It takes the pressure off.
I don't have to be the perfect parent, because He is, and He loves my children more than I do - and He can walk them down their paths so much better than I could ever dream of.
I don't have to be the perfect wife, because He will guide and bless our marriage as He sees fit. And He knows oh so much better than I do what kind of marriage we should have.
I don't have to be the perfect friend, because through my mistakes and my weaknesses He will sharpen my friends, and through theirs He will sharpen me.
And I don't have to have a perfect faith. Because as small, as weak, as broken, as misguided as my faith often is, it is all I can give. And that is all He asks, that I give my all. And no matter how small or weak or wrong I am, He is big, and He is strong, and He is right.
And though I have no idea how to love perfectly, He does. And in His perfect love, He sees me and He loves me, and he patiently waits for me to get back up, dust myself off, and scoot out of the driver's seat I am constantly trying to steal from Him. He waits for me to look to Him again, to see the love in His eyes. He reminds me that He has me, all of us, in His hands. And then He leads me, gently yet firmly, right where He needs me to go.
And so I will follow. And I will trust in His goodness, and in His perfection, and in His will - and try yet again to let go of attaining those things myself.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
A little catching up to do...
Wow. I haven't written a post in near six months! Guess I got a little side tracked...
Things have been busy. Life has been full. Most of the fullness has been good, joy-filled fullness. But there have definitely been some plain old "You've got your hands full" kind of moments as well. With my Lellybug and Sweet Pea just 13 months (and ten days, but who's counting?) apart, we seem to be hitting the twin toddler stage... and I think they are both hitting the terrible twos at the same time. Lellybug seems a little late, and Sweet Pea is just a little precocious and advanced, so they are both starting the fit throwing, defiant two year old stuff at the exact same time.
And they've been piggyback napping for what seems like an eternity, so I never seem able to sneak in a few minutes without one toddler or another (or both at the same time...) needing me.
And she's getting her eye teeth, and he's getting his two year molars.
And neither one is really able to listen and obey well just yet.
And both can talk to some extent, but both seem as though they'd rather resort straight to screaming.
And they feed off each other. A lot.
Much of the time it's just plain old funny. Some of the time it's just plain old loud. And occasionally it's just plain old hard to smile through. ;o)
So that is a big part of why I've been absent from here. And part of it is just that my life is full, in a good way. I really am spending most of my time with my family, and not on the computer - and enjoying my time so much more that way! And that is a really good thing, so I don't feel bad about it.
But I do enjoy posting things, and I'd love to get back to it on a regular basis at some point.
But as we just started our school year yesterday, with two toddlers, a preschooler, a kindergartner, a third grader and a fifth grader, I'm not so sure this is the season in which I'll be finding lots of free time to keep up here!
But life is good, God is good, and I'm already so much happier on the school schedule than I was on the "freedom" of our summer days. And the kids are too. I always know we will be, but it's still so hard to give up that free summer feeling. Maybe one of these years I'll be able to move into a more consistent year round routine, but for now this is the way we do it.
The kids are great. Punky is 10 now, and decided he wanted to be baptized this summer! It was amazing to watch as he took that step in his life. I am so proud of him, and so happy. He is his own person, and I am reminded of that more and more each day. When did I become the mother of a Young Man? Wasn't he just a baby? Isn't he still a little boy? And yet each day seems to bring new changes, physically and emotionally, to my sweet boy. He's on the cusp of so many things. He is still so much a boy, but the things of his younger days aren't quite as satisfying as they once were. He feels a pull to the adult world, but he's not really ready for that yet either. So we walk, and we talk, and we pray, and I teach him and encourage him to pray on his own and seek God's wisdom, guidance and strength. But it's hard. It's hard to let go when I want to hold on. And it's hard to hold him back when he wants to go forward. I am just so thankful God gave me that boy as my trial run. He's so loving, and so forgiving. I do love that crazy boy. And I am enjoying the ride, no matter how new and uncharted the territory may be.
Finny is 8 and thriving. I still see glimpses now and then of his Sensory Processing issues, but they are getting fewer and further between, and milder when they do pop up. For the most part he is a delightful, confident, healthy boy who adores his baby brother and sister and always brings a smile into the room with him. I truly enjoy time with him and I praise God that Finny seems to be feeling good in his own skin. He really seems to have come to a great place, and seems to be finding a strength and a quiet resolve that I often wondered if he'd ever find.
Goose is 6, and as happy and sweet as ever. He has some struggles, mostly with processing and some motor skills, but he is so bright, so imaginative, so engaging. We are starting down the path of evaluating and testing him, looking for answers, or a diagnosis, or whatever we can find, but I'm not as worried this time as I was when we first starting asking questions with Finny. Part of it is that my faith is stronger and I am more able to see God's hand in everything and to trust that He made Goose the way he is for a purpose and with a plan. And part of it is because of seeing Finny come through the other side so well. And part of it too is that he is happy, and it's not as hard on him as Finny's struggles were for him. There is something in common there, but it's all definitely different. So I'll see if I can keep up on that here as we walk down that road.
Girly Pie is 4, and sweet, happy, sunshiny and delightful. I've never done this whole girl thing before - so each day is so new and surprising with her. She really is such a sweet young lady, always concerned with those around her, loving on her younger siblings, mimicking my every motherly move with her baby dolls, and killing trees daily through her use of art paper for her constant coloring and drawing! She adores her big brother Goose and I love watching their relationship grow and blossom. She has such a sweet, tender heart. I just love that girl. She is a blessing to us all, and I enjoy being her mother more with each day that passes.
Lellybug is two and a half - and though two year old boys are normally my weak spot, this guy is all kinds of trouble. Really, I have always adored two year olds, and always kind of wondered what was the big deal with the whole "terrible twos" stereotype. But then Lellybug hit his current stage, and suddenly it all became clear. NOW I get it. ;o) I adore him to pieces, and I know his independent nature, his strong will, his intelligence and his self sufficiency will all be blessings to him, and us, when he is grown. But they are definitely challenging characteristics to work with in a toddler. But when he's not throwing all his heart and energy into asserting himself and defying us, he really is a delightful little boy. He's so imaginative and clever. He says the cutest things has a crazy sense of humor for such a little guy. He ADORES his sister Sweet Pea. He is never far from her and always thinks of her. If he sets a play table in the back yard, he always sets it for two, so she can join him. If he gets a snack, he makes sure she gets some too. When we eat dinner, he absolutely must sit right next to her so he can interact with her the entire time. Those two are completely inseparable. And he is quite the ringleader.
As for my darling baby Sweet Pea, she is still as darling as ever. When she wants to be. But with a nasty habit of starting her day at 4:45am, and grumpily at that, and not napping enough in the day, and working on her last four baby teeth (the eye teeth, and I don't know about you but for all of mine those have been the worst of all the teeth!) she is definitely becoming a bit of a challenge at times. She's got so much sweetness and charm under it all, I just know it. But since she can't speak as well as she would clearly like to, I think a lot of it just comes down to frustration. Couple that with the teething and the sleep issues, and she definitely has a lot of rough days where the smiles and happy moments are few and far between. Oh, but when she's happy, what a delight she is! So many sweet things to say. Such sweet hugs and caresses. Such a passionate love for her Lellybug and her Momma and Daddy. Curious, expressive, interested... it's all there. Poor girl just needs some real sleep, some relief from teething and a full conversational vocabulary. Then, she'll be golden! ;o)
So that is my crew in a nutshell.
The school days are good, with lots of time spent pouring into my little guys as well as time spent enjoying and learning fun new stuff with my bigger crew. I love when a day leaves you wanting for more. Yes, I do a lot in a day. But sometimes I just wish I had more time so I could do more of all of it and not miss a thing!
And SO much life has happened since I last wrote. Birthdays were had, spring was sprung, summer brought lots of sun and adventure and popsicles. We went on a family camping trip (and don't plan to again until the toddlers are not toddlers anymore... Daddy can just take the big kids again for the foreseeable future! LOL!) and a family vacation (that one was way more fun - running water, separate bedrooms, that's what happy vacations with toddlers are made of!) and so many other great moments in life were lived. But somehow I doubt I'll ever get around to recording them here.
And when I think about the reason for that being the fact that I'm too busy living those moments to the fullest, I guess it's really OK that I didn't get to write them all down. ;o)
Things have been busy. Life has been full. Most of the fullness has been good, joy-filled fullness. But there have definitely been some plain old "You've got your hands full" kind of moments as well. With my Lellybug and Sweet Pea just 13 months (and ten days, but who's counting?) apart, we seem to be hitting the twin toddler stage... and I think they are both hitting the terrible twos at the same time. Lellybug seems a little late, and Sweet Pea is just a little precocious and advanced, so they are both starting the fit throwing, defiant two year old stuff at the exact same time.
And they've been piggyback napping for what seems like an eternity, so I never seem able to sneak in a few minutes without one toddler or another (or both at the same time...) needing me.
And she's getting her eye teeth, and he's getting his two year molars.
And neither one is really able to listen and obey well just yet.
And both can talk to some extent, but both seem as though they'd rather resort straight to screaming.
And they feed off each other. A lot.
Much of the time it's just plain old funny. Some of the time it's just plain old loud. And occasionally it's just plain old hard to smile through. ;o)
So that is a big part of why I've been absent from here. And part of it is just that my life is full, in a good way. I really am spending most of my time with my family, and not on the computer - and enjoying my time so much more that way! And that is a really good thing, so I don't feel bad about it.
But I do enjoy posting things, and I'd love to get back to it on a regular basis at some point.
But as we just started our school year yesterday, with two toddlers, a preschooler, a kindergartner, a third grader and a fifth grader, I'm not so sure this is the season in which I'll be finding lots of free time to keep up here!
But life is good, God is good, and I'm already so much happier on the school schedule than I was on the "freedom" of our summer days. And the kids are too. I always know we will be, but it's still so hard to give up that free summer feeling. Maybe one of these years I'll be able to move into a more consistent year round routine, but for now this is the way we do it.
The kids are great. Punky is 10 now, and decided he wanted to be baptized this summer! It was amazing to watch as he took that step in his life. I am so proud of him, and so happy. He is his own person, and I am reminded of that more and more each day. When did I become the mother of a Young Man? Wasn't he just a baby? Isn't he still a little boy? And yet each day seems to bring new changes, physically and emotionally, to my sweet boy. He's on the cusp of so many things. He is still so much a boy, but the things of his younger days aren't quite as satisfying as they once were. He feels a pull to the adult world, but he's not really ready for that yet either. So we walk, and we talk, and we pray, and I teach him and encourage him to pray on his own and seek God's wisdom, guidance and strength. But it's hard. It's hard to let go when I want to hold on. And it's hard to hold him back when he wants to go forward. I am just so thankful God gave me that boy as my trial run. He's so loving, and so forgiving. I do love that crazy boy. And I am enjoying the ride, no matter how new and uncharted the territory may be.
Finny is 8 and thriving. I still see glimpses now and then of his Sensory Processing issues, but they are getting fewer and further between, and milder when they do pop up. For the most part he is a delightful, confident, healthy boy who adores his baby brother and sister and always brings a smile into the room with him. I truly enjoy time with him and I praise God that Finny seems to be feeling good in his own skin. He really seems to have come to a great place, and seems to be finding a strength and a quiet resolve that I often wondered if he'd ever find.
Goose is 6, and as happy and sweet as ever. He has some struggles, mostly with processing and some motor skills, but he is so bright, so imaginative, so engaging. We are starting down the path of evaluating and testing him, looking for answers, or a diagnosis, or whatever we can find, but I'm not as worried this time as I was when we first starting asking questions with Finny. Part of it is that my faith is stronger and I am more able to see God's hand in everything and to trust that He made Goose the way he is for a purpose and with a plan. And part of it is because of seeing Finny come through the other side so well. And part of it too is that he is happy, and it's not as hard on him as Finny's struggles were for him. There is something in common there, but it's all definitely different. So I'll see if I can keep up on that here as we walk down that road.
Girly Pie is 4, and sweet, happy, sunshiny and delightful. I've never done this whole girl thing before - so each day is so new and surprising with her. She really is such a sweet young lady, always concerned with those around her, loving on her younger siblings, mimicking my every motherly move with her baby dolls, and killing trees daily through her use of art paper for her constant coloring and drawing! She adores her big brother Goose and I love watching their relationship grow and blossom. She has such a sweet, tender heart. I just love that girl. She is a blessing to us all, and I enjoy being her mother more with each day that passes.
Lellybug is two and a half - and though two year old boys are normally my weak spot, this guy is all kinds of trouble. Really, I have always adored two year olds, and always kind of wondered what was the big deal with the whole "terrible twos" stereotype. But then Lellybug hit his current stage, and suddenly it all became clear. NOW I get it. ;o) I adore him to pieces, and I know his independent nature, his strong will, his intelligence and his self sufficiency will all be blessings to him, and us, when he is grown. But they are definitely challenging characteristics to work with in a toddler. But when he's not throwing all his heart and energy into asserting himself and defying us, he really is a delightful little boy. He's so imaginative and clever. He says the cutest things has a crazy sense of humor for such a little guy. He ADORES his sister Sweet Pea. He is never far from her and always thinks of her. If he sets a play table in the back yard, he always sets it for two, so she can join him. If he gets a snack, he makes sure she gets some too. When we eat dinner, he absolutely must sit right next to her so he can interact with her the entire time. Those two are completely inseparable. And he is quite the ringleader.
As for my darling baby Sweet Pea, she is still as darling as ever. When she wants to be. But with a nasty habit of starting her day at 4:45am, and grumpily at that, and not napping enough in the day, and working on her last four baby teeth (the eye teeth, and I don't know about you but for all of mine those have been the worst of all the teeth!) she is definitely becoming a bit of a challenge at times. She's got so much sweetness and charm under it all, I just know it. But since she can't speak as well as she would clearly like to, I think a lot of it just comes down to frustration. Couple that with the teething and the sleep issues, and she definitely has a lot of rough days where the smiles and happy moments are few and far between. Oh, but when she's happy, what a delight she is! So many sweet things to say. Such sweet hugs and caresses. Such a passionate love for her Lellybug and her Momma and Daddy. Curious, expressive, interested... it's all there. Poor girl just needs some real sleep, some relief from teething and a full conversational vocabulary. Then, she'll be golden! ;o)
So that is my crew in a nutshell.
The school days are good, with lots of time spent pouring into my little guys as well as time spent enjoying and learning fun new stuff with my bigger crew. I love when a day leaves you wanting for more. Yes, I do a lot in a day. But sometimes I just wish I had more time so I could do more of all of it and not miss a thing!
And SO much life has happened since I last wrote. Birthdays were had, spring was sprung, summer brought lots of sun and adventure and popsicles. We went on a family camping trip (and don't plan to again until the toddlers are not toddlers anymore... Daddy can just take the big kids again for the foreseeable future! LOL!) and a family vacation (that one was way more fun - running water, separate bedrooms, that's what happy vacations with toddlers are made of!) and so many other great moments in life were lived. But somehow I doubt I'll ever get around to recording them here.
And when I think about the reason for that being the fact that I'm too busy living those moments to the fullest, I guess it's really OK that I didn't get to write them all down. ;o)
Friday, March 23, 2012
Lest We Forget
I got an email yesterday from Rod & Staff - a curriculum I use here and there, mostly for my pre-Kers. It was in part a reminder of a sale they have going on, but with it came a little poem that I wanted to post here to remember. I was not a little girl who had big dreams of career rand riches. I really and truly did always dream of a home and a family to call my own. But this poem still touched my heart. ;o)
“Lest We Forget”
She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be...
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
All the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past,
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand,
And guided her up the stair,
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go.
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl that I used to be.
“Lest We Forget”
She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be...
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
All the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past,
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand,
And guided her up the stair,
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go.
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl that I used to be.
—Author Unknown
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Catching up...
So since I last posted about Finny's 8th birthday in January, we have had three birthdays around here.
On February 6th, Mr. Lellybug turned two. He wanted frogs so he got frogs. He loved them! We had a small family birthday and thoroughly enjoyed our sweet two year old boy. Punky, Finny and Goose all had a fine time helping me to set up his birthday gift display - a blue blanket "pond" complete with stuffed frogs and paper lily pads for his gifts. We went to the mall and he picked out his very own Build a Bear - a two year old tradition around here. Then we went out to dinner and the nice folks at Red Robin brought him an ice cream and sang to him. I love that after the song he tried to start up a conversation with one of the wait staff - a very friendly man who tried hard but still had NO idea what my sweet boy was trying to say to him. ;o)
On February 18th, our big boy Punky turned ten. 10. Yes - a whole decade of life! I could write a number of posts on how that feels as a Momma - but I'll spare you all that philosophical navel gazing. But to celebrate his big day - he had his first sleepover birthday party. He invited his two best friends and his other two best friends (meaning his brothers Finny (8) and Goose(5) as well as his two favorite age mates - Logan whom he's known since Logan was crawling and Punky was a sturdy 13 month old toddler, and L.C. who is a newer friend but dear to Punky's heart) and we went with a camping theme. I had so much fun setting up the party! S'mores, some survival skills training with their Daddy, a tent in the living room, a scavenger hunt in the rainy NW woods with their Daddy and one of the friend's Dads... it was all a ten year old boy could ever dream of and more. It was a great birthday, and he deserves it. We are blessed with one wonderful firstborn son! Of course we need to celebrate him big!
And just the other day, on March 16th, our sweet little Sweet Pea turned one year old. My baby is now a whole year old. I'm still in shock. But we had a wonderful birthday weekend. On Friday we just had a simple family day - she opened her two gifts, played with them and her siblings all day, and enjoyed her first whole cupcake that evening after our family pizza and movie night. It was a lovely day to reminisce and enjoy our sweet girl. All the children loved celebrating her and she clearly knew it was HER day.
In our family, we don't do too many big birthday parties, but we always do a big first birthday party. It was no different for this Sweet Pea of ours. We invited three families dear to our hearts whom we know and love and who have been with us and supporting us and loving Sweet Pea right along with us for her whole little life. I decided on a daisy and ladybug theme and had SO much fun planning for it and decorating for it! I got pretty paper for banners, cute stickers, lots of flowers, some cute daisy soaps for the sinks and party favors, and I even bought a hand made ladybug and daisy dress form Etsy. Very fun stuff! We really enjoyed having our friends over, and Sweet Pea was so happy to watch the action, having no idea all the fuss was over her own sweet self. ;o) I must say it touched my heart to have her hanging around me all afternoon - she wanted to be right near me, checking in and touching base the whole time our guests were here.
My sweet girl. I love that little blessing. And I love that she loves me as much as she does. What a gift!
So that is the end of our winter birthday blast. My hubby has the first spring birthday of the family, in 10 days. Then comes Girly Pie - but not until early May. Then Goose and I have the summer birthdays. So that gives me some time to rev up for more bday fun. We don't do big birthdays every year for everyone - but for some reason this year is lining up for a lot of big ones. A ten year old sleep over, an eight year old Big Day Out with Daddy, a big 1st birthday, and Girly Pie will be four - and in our house that is the first (and only, so far) "real" party, with friends over and games and real party-ish stuff like that. So I will have more fun stuff to plan pretty soon! At least Goose and Lellybug have less intense birthdays this year - so their days are smaller and simpler - more family focused. It is good to have both kinds, though. And I am just so blessed to have so much to celebrate every year!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Happy (belated) 8th Birthday Finny!
My sweet Finny is 8 now.
Not quite sure how it can possibly have been that long since I held him in my arms for the first time. How can you remember such a moment so clearly no matter how long ago it happened?
Each birthday that I celebrate with each of my children I find myself resolving to cherish each moment even more. I want to really be present for every.single.second.
Otherwise, I really will blink, and one day, it will all be over...
Delightful, curious, creative, artistic, loving, brave, determined, handsome, capable, confident, humble... Finny is all these things and more.
Happy birthday a day late, Sweet One. I was just a little too busy making your big day wonderful yesterday to post your birthday note on your actual birthday - a trade off I think was wise to make. I love you. Thank you for more memories in 8 years than I ever dreamed possible when I first held you. And I can only imagine what will come in the years ahead.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
True Love
Here is Punky, looking lovingly at his beloved new pets. I do so love the caretaking nature that having pets brings out in a child. Can you tell he's smitten?
Welcome home, Lewis and Clark.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Nine months...
Sweet Pea is nine months old today.
Every month marker is shocking to me, so I'm not sure nine months feels any more shocking than eight or seven or four or two months felt... each month comes with such dizzying speed I just can't quite catch my breath.
But nine months does sound big for my newborn baby girl. ;o) Sure she has a couple of teeth, can crawl and pull up to stand, and is starting to say "Mama." But she's just a very advanced newborn.
How can time go by so crazy fast? How can my baby be nine months, three-quarters of a year old?
And I just want to savor every second of it and treasure it up in my heart. Because I know that in the blink of an eye it will all be behind me, and nine months will be a lifetime ago and my babies will have their own babies, and I won't be the Mommy any more.
So I am cherishing. I am basking. I am enjoying each day. And it's a good thing... because there is so very much to enjoy each day.
Every month marker is shocking to me, so I'm not sure nine months feels any more shocking than eight or seven or four or two months felt... each month comes with such dizzying speed I just can't quite catch my breath.
But nine months does sound big for my newborn baby girl. ;o) Sure she has a couple of teeth, can crawl and pull up to stand, and is starting to say "Mama." But she's just a very advanced newborn.
How can time go by so crazy fast? How can my baby be nine months, three-quarters of a year old?
How can I be the mother of six children - my oldest rounding towards the decade mark?
And I just want to savor every second of it and treasure it up in my heart. Because I know that in the blink of an eye it will all be behind me, and nine months will be a lifetime ago and my babies will have their own babies, and I won't be the Mommy any more.
So I am cherishing. I am basking. I am enjoying each day. And it's a good thing... because there is so very much to enjoy each day.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Rats!
We have rats in our house.
On purpose. ;o)
I know most people hear the word "rat" and cringe - but really, they do make really great first pets. They are smart, social, playful and affectionate. They are big enough to be fairly sturdy when curious hands get a little too rough, but small enough to not take up too much space or need too much care. They are smart enough to be litter trained and can learn to come to their names and even to do a few little tricks.
So for a few months now Punky has been saving up money to buy a rat plus half the cost of the gear for it. Along the way we discovered that there are rat breeders - and if you really want a good pet you go through a breeder, not a pet store. So we tracked down breeders and got on waiting lists and waited and waited for babies. Then we learned that you should always get at LEAST two rats, because they are so very social that they are not happy to be the only rat. So we began waiting for TWO rat babies. We bought a cage. We tracked down the healthiest foods and the cleanest bedding and litter. We made a rat hammock and got training and care books. We approached the whole rat acquisition like, you know, a homeschooling family. ;o)
The kids picked out the names for the future rat brothers - Lewis and Clark. (A good pair name after studying US History last year) All we needed was an official pair of rats to stick the names to. But all the leads kept falling through. Waiting lists full. Litters having fewer born than expected. That kind of thing. Poor Punky was getting a little anxious...
Until Friday. We sent in an email on a pair of 5 week old baby rats that he got all excited about - only to find out they were spoken for. But the breeder had two "teenage" boys that had been returned to her after their 10 year old boy owner's mom had developed allergies. These boys were sweet, snuggly, and super well cared for, according to the breeder - but no one wanted them because everyone was looking for babies. Punky was bummed to miss out on the babies he had set his heart on and didn't really want to settle for these older rats - though he did feel bad for them that no one wanted them. We had sadness, we had tears. So I sent him off to pray over the situation (God cares about the big things as well as the small things - and though pet rats may be a small thing to us, it feels big to a 9 year old, so it's a big deal to God, too.) and see where God led him. I told Punky that God knew who and where his pets were, and if he prayed over it, he'd be given direction.
Sure enough, he came down feeling real direction and confidence that these were the ones. He actually liked knowing that they had already been socialized and trained, he liked that they were bigger and sturdier for the little ones' curious hands, and that they were owned by a boy his age, too. And he liked that they were ready NOW. ;o)
So we made all the necessary arrangements and this breeder, bless her heart, was willing to drive all the way up here from Oregon. OREGON! She really wanted these guys to have a good home, so she drove 3 1/2 hours so get them to us for only the cost of the rats and gas money. What a blessing! So our whole family got to pick them up and meet them for the first time. We met in a parking lot off the main freeway to save her the winding drive off the I-5 corridor to where we live. The rats were curious and friendly from the word go, and Punky was in love at first sight. And of course the rest of the crew is fascinated and excited, too.
The little guys are tucked snuggly in their new cage tonight, and my biggest boy is dreaming sweet, ratty dreams, no doubt. ;o)
Now of course Finny is pining away for his very own rat, one he can snuggle in his lap for a good read any time he wants without having to share him with all the other eager siblings... Oh goodness. What have we begun?
Pics to come, I'm sure. Tonight was just a little too busy with picking them up and getting them settled and teaching Lellybug not to climb up the cage and all that jazz.
So welcome home, Lewis and Clark. We're glad you're here.
On purpose. ;o)
I know most people hear the word "rat" and cringe - but really, they do make really great first pets. They are smart, social, playful and affectionate. They are big enough to be fairly sturdy when curious hands get a little too rough, but small enough to not take up too much space or need too much care. They are smart enough to be litter trained and can learn to come to their names and even to do a few little tricks.
So for a few months now Punky has been saving up money to buy a rat plus half the cost of the gear for it. Along the way we discovered that there are rat breeders - and if you really want a good pet you go through a breeder, not a pet store. So we tracked down breeders and got on waiting lists and waited and waited for babies. Then we learned that you should always get at LEAST two rats, because they are so very social that they are not happy to be the only rat. So we began waiting for TWO rat babies. We bought a cage. We tracked down the healthiest foods and the cleanest bedding and litter. We made a rat hammock and got training and care books. We approached the whole rat acquisition like, you know, a homeschooling family. ;o)
The kids picked out the names for the future rat brothers - Lewis and Clark. (A good pair name after studying US History last year) All we needed was an official pair of rats to stick the names to. But all the leads kept falling through. Waiting lists full. Litters having fewer born than expected. That kind of thing. Poor Punky was getting a little anxious...
Until Friday. We sent in an email on a pair of 5 week old baby rats that he got all excited about - only to find out they were spoken for. But the breeder had two "teenage" boys that had been returned to her after their 10 year old boy owner's mom had developed allergies. These boys were sweet, snuggly, and super well cared for, according to the breeder - but no one wanted them because everyone was looking for babies. Punky was bummed to miss out on the babies he had set his heart on and didn't really want to settle for these older rats - though he did feel bad for them that no one wanted them. We had sadness, we had tears. So I sent him off to pray over the situation (God cares about the big things as well as the small things - and though pet rats may be a small thing to us, it feels big to a 9 year old, so it's a big deal to God, too.) and see where God led him. I told Punky that God knew who and where his pets were, and if he prayed over it, he'd be given direction.
Sure enough, he came down feeling real direction and confidence that these were the ones. He actually liked knowing that they had already been socialized and trained, he liked that they were bigger and sturdier for the little ones' curious hands, and that they were owned by a boy his age, too. And he liked that they were ready NOW. ;o)
So we made all the necessary arrangements and this breeder, bless her heart, was willing to drive all the way up here from Oregon. OREGON! She really wanted these guys to have a good home, so she drove 3 1/2 hours so get them to us for only the cost of the rats and gas money. What a blessing! So our whole family got to pick them up and meet them for the first time. We met in a parking lot off the main freeway to save her the winding drive off the I-5 corridor to where we live. The rats were curious and friendly from the word go, and Punky was in love at first sight. And of course the rest of the crew is fascinated and excited, too.
The little guys are tucked snuggly in their new cage tonight, and my biggest boy is dreaming sweet, ratty dreams, no doubt. ;o)
Now of course Finny is pining away for his very own rat, one he can snuggle in his lap for a good read any time he wants without having to share him with all the other eager siblings... Oh goodness. What have we begun?
Pics to come, I'm sure. Tonight was just a little too busy with picking them up and getting them settled and teaching Lellybug not to climb up the cage and all that jazz.
So welcome home, Lewis and Clark. We're glad you're here.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does YOUR garden grow?
(WARNING: What you are about to read is long and rambling and may make no sense to anyone other than myself. Continue at your own risk...)
I sit here not even knowing what to write. My blog has been completely neglected for months (my last post was from our first day of school – we are now halfway through week 12 in our My Father’s World curriculum) but it’s not for lack of good content. On the contrary, actually. There have been so many wonderful happenings in life that it’s a little overwhelming to just pick one to write about.
And the thing is - I LOVE everything I do. I am really enjoying the school stuff with my big boys this year and feel like I’ve really hit my stride for the first time as a homeschooler. I really enjoy the preschool time with my Middles. I really love having a toddler and watching him grow and learn and talk and discover. And having a baby to cuddle and love on is of course a daily joy and blessing. I love having a large family and seeing their relationships blossom and grow. I love my wonderful husband and enjoy the time I get to spend with him. Heck, I even enjoy doing laundry at this point. Crazy, but true.
And did you know I’m a Christian? Did I mention I know God? No? I didn’t mention that, did I?
You see, I do know God. I do know He is there and has handed me every single blessing and good thing in my life. And I love Him. And I am so, so, so thankful. Truly. I do give thanks in all circumstances. I see nothing in my life that I feel anything but thankful for.
But this full life of blessings is still… full. And I find less and less time to actually read the Bible. I pray constantly – all day long really. A constant connection to Him, reaching out all day long. But those long “real” prayers where you write stuff down and seek Him out and lift others up in prayer that I hear tell of – nope. Don’t do that. The kids and I read the Bible together daily for school time – but personal reading time, alone time “with God”? Nope. Don’t do that much at all. Honestly, I even get a little bummed when I hear people speak of a “close personal relationship” with Jesus. I think I know what that is, but I can’t say I have experienced it. I mean, maybe I have. I have felt close to Him. I know I love Him. I know He loves me. I can’t wait to meet Him in heaven and I hope I make Him proud. But close and personal doesn’t quite describe it. Respectful. Loving. Thankful. Honoring… but maybe even just a little bit distant. There – but not quite right HERE. Does that make sense?
I’m just being totally honest here. I’m sure it’ll get all kinds of offensive for someone, or will draw pity or contempt from others. I don’t know. But it’s the truth.
And the thing is – I’m OK with a little distant right now. Is that OK? I feel like I’m supposed to WANT close and personal, and that maybe I’m wrong for not. I wonder if I sound un-Christian to the right sort of people and when I read certain blogs or books that speak of all those things I start to get this sinking feeling that I’m doing it all wrong. That maybe the God I know and love, who loves me through thick and thin and understands when I’m busy living the life He gave me and loves me anyway is not the God that they are talking about. Maybe God is more judgmental and has a higher standard than I thought He did. I start to shrink down into my little cave and feel like I’ve not only failed all the other people out there whom I would consider my peers, but that I’ve failed Him somehow, too. Then I try to do more, shine more, look better, fill in a better Christian “resume,” you know?
And every once in a while He snaps me back to attention and turns my face back up to His and reminds me that I really, truly do not need to earn His love or His Grace. They are both free. Freely given, and His hope is that they will be freely received.
But sometimes when I spend too much time looking around at others I get it all muddled up in my brain and heart. I see the good in them and somehow turn that into an expectation upon myself to do better. Be better. Earn more of His free gifts of love and Grace.
So maybe that’s the distance piece? Maybe I take too much from the Christian culture around me and tell myself I’m distant. He’s distant.
Maybe it’s really OK that my days feel full – in a good way. Maybe it’s OK that I can’t check off the box of Bible reading and quiet prayer time every day (or week, or month, if I’m going to be perfectly honest…). Maybe I can teach and love and make a home for my family without a moment to spare every day – and feel stretched and full but happy and blessed. Maybe He knows that’s where I am today, in this season. Maybe he knows that six children nine and under, with babies 13 months apart means my arms are never empty – no matter what else might need doing.
I’ve heard people describe this stage in life as “running on autopilot.”
But maybe running on autopilot really isn’t the best way to describe it. I actually don’t quite feel like I’m on autopilot. I do feel like I’m so busy living each and every moment that I just can’t stop and ponder each and every moment the way I once could.
Maybe it’s kind of like the old “stop and smell the roses” saying. I am smelling the roses. All day long I smell roses. And daffodils. And lilies. And lilacs. I have a whole beautiful English garden full of lovely flowers to smell. And I love them all. But all I can do in this beautiful garden is walk around and smell the garden as a whole. I can’t really just smell the roses – because the lilacs are so fragrant right next to them. The perfume of the whole garden is beautiful and fills up all my senses. I can see the colors, textures and shapes, the light shining through the leaves and brightening up the colors around me even more. I can smell the fragrance. I can hear the birds chirping and the frogs croaking and the children playing. I can feel the warm sun shining on my face. All of it. Deliciously, all at once. Isn’t that what a garden is all about, after all?
But when I hear someone mention a rose I missed, or a tulip that slipped by unnoticed by me – I start to doubt if I’m doing right by enjoying the garden as a whole. As though I’m doing it wrong somehow.
But then my Gardener reminds me, when I take the time to listen to Him and block out the other garden guests around me, that He planted this garden, and He put me in this particular garden – as full as it is. And really, if He just wanted me to smell the roses, He would most likely have just planted roses for me.
But He didn’t plant just roses. And I like all the color and beauty of the wild, busy garden I’m in. I suspect He knew just what kind of garden was right for me. Those neat and tidy gardens that other people like never did appeal to me. Straight rows of bushes, everything in order, one pretty flowering plant amidst the many evergreen bushes and shrubs, and always so green and always neatly trimmed – but so… predictable. I have always been drawn to the gardens that are so full of color and life and variety that you can’t really pick out just one flower and love it best. You have no choice but to just stand there, in the middle of it, and take in the beauty of the garden as a whole. Sure, there are weeds down in there… but there are so many beautiful flowers to admire that you can’t even see the weeds hiding under them. And some things are overgrown and a bit messy even – but somehow that just adds to the beauty of it all. That has always been my kind of garden. And He knows it – which, again, is why He likely put me in this one rather than those pretty, neat and predictable gardens all around me.
To be perfectly honest there are times that I do get a little overloaded - when I'm so busy in my garden that I miss the smells and sights and sounds for a bit. I won't deny that sometimes I really do wish I could just smell roses every once in a while. After all, once upon a time my garden was small and I did smell only roses - but my roses grew and many more flowers have been planted since then. But I wouldn't give any of the beauty of it up. And I never long for the plain gardens. And I know that if I did just stop and smell the roses only, that I'd very quickly miss the colors and smells of the garden as a whole.
I sit here not even knowing what to write. My blog has been completely neglected for months (my last post was from our first day of school – we are now halfway through week 12 in our My Father’s World curriculum) but it’s not for lack of good content. On the contrary, actually. There have been so many wonderful happenings in life that it’s a little overwhelming to just pick one to write about.
But I guess that’s kind of the point… Life is good. Life is blessed. Life is beautiful. But life is FULL.
My days start before 6am, and I’m rarely asleep before 11 at night. And Sweet Pea, who will be eight months old tomorrow, is still waking up every two hours through the night. My oldest two sons are in 4th and 2nd grade and we’re doing My Father’s World’s first year of their five-year cycle – Exploring Countries and Cultures - in addition to their math, spelling, language arts (which I admit I pretty much don’t do), etc. Goose (5) and Girly Pie (3) are both what I consider preschoolers and I’m making every effort to actually do SOME preschooly stuff with them every day – some Cubbies verses for our Awana club, reading lessons for 5 year old Goose, some Rod and Staff workbooks, fun sticker books, puzzles, games and lots and lots of play dough. Bug is rounding the corner to two and I just can’t seem to squeeze all our school into his nap time anymore so he is more of an entity this year as well. He is NOT content to just sit happily at the table with a fun activity in front of him. No, he seems to think that school time is the one time of day when he wants, NEEDS Mommy’s full, undivided, direct attention. And he has no problem LOUDLY making this fact known. Of course as soon as I’m not trying to work with anyone else he’s happy to putter about quietly, contently, and independently. Did I mention he’s almost two? ;o) 
And darling little Sweet Pea naps through some of our morning routine but not all of it. She’s at the age where she is happy to crawl and play sometimes, hungry lots of other times, and wanting to be held and played with the rest of the time. Of course I love doing all these things with all of them - but they often overlap and I have to run triage a bit, so to speak.
And there is laundry and cooking and cleaning and and disciplining and friends to keep up with and appointments to schedule and diapers to change and sewing projects to sneak in and Christmas presents to plan and make and buy… and after all that is mostly done in a day there is of course my husband who still hopes to have a cheerful wife to come home to and enjoy each evening. And sleep is good. I like sleep. I do get some – that’s a good thing.
And the thing is - I LOVE everything I do. I am really enjoying the school stuff with my big boys this year and feel like I’ve really hit my stride for the first time as a homeschooler. I really enjoy the preschool time with my Middles. I really love having a toddler and watching him grow and learn and talk and discover. And having a baby to cuddle and love on is of course a daily joy and blessing. I love having a large family and seeing their relationships blossom and grow. I love my wonderful husband and enjoy the time I get to spend with him. Heck, I even enjoy doing laundry at this point. Crazy, but true.
And did you know I’m a Christian? Did I mention I know God? No? I didn’t mention that, did I?
You see, I do know God. I do know He is there and has handed me every single blessing and good thing in my life. And I love Him. And I am so, so, so thankful. Truly. I do give thanks in all circumstances. I see nothing in my life that I feel anything but thankful for.
But this full life of blessings is still… full. And I find less and less time to actually read the Bible. I pray constantly – all day long really. A constant connection to Him, reaching out all day long. But those long “real” prayers where you write stuff down and seek Him out and lift others up in prayer that I hear tell of – nope. Don’t do that. The kids and I read the Bible together daily for school time – but personal reading time, alone time “with God”? Nope. Don’t do that much at all. Honestly, I even get a little bummed when I hear people speak of a “close personal relationship” with Jesus. I think I know what that is, but I can’t say I have experienced it. I mean, maybe I have. I have felt close to Him. I know I love Him. I know He loves me. I can’t wait to meet Him in heaven and I hope I make Him proud. But close and personal doesn’t quite describe it. Respectful. Loving. Thankful. Honoring… but maybe even just a little bit distant. There – but not quite right HERE. Does that make sense?
I’m just being totally honest here. I’m sure it’ll get all kinds of offensive for someone, or will draw pity or contempt from others. I don’t know. But it’s the truth.
And the thing is – I’m OK with a little distant right now. Is that OK? I feel like I’m supposed to WANT close and personal, and that maybe I’m wrong for not. I wonder if I sound un-Christian to the right sort of people and when I read certain blogs or books that speak of all those things I start to get this sinking feeling that I’m doing it all wrong. That maybe the God I know and love, who loves me through thick and thin and understands when I’m busy living the life He gave me and loves me anyway is not the God that they are talking about. Maybe God is more judgmental and has a higher standard than I thought He did. I start to shrink down into my little cave and feel like I’ve not only failed all the other people out there whom I would consider my peers, but that I’ve failed Him somehow, too. Then I try to do more, shine more, look better, fill in a better Christian “resume,” you know?
And every once in a while He snaps me back to attention and turns my face back up to His and reminds me that I really, truly do not need to earn His love or His Grace. They are both free. Freely given, and His hope is that they will be freely received.
But sometimes when I spend too much time looking around at others I get it all muddled up in my brain and heart. I see the good in them and somehow turn that into an expectation upon myself to do better. Be better. Earn more of His free gifts of love and Grace.
So maybe that’s the distance piece? Maybe I take too much from the Christian culture around me and tell myself I’m distant. He’s distant.
Maybe it’s really OK that my days feel full – in a good way. Maybe it’s OK that I can’t check off the box of Bible reading and quiet prayer time every day (or week, or month, if I’m going to be perfectly honest…). Maybe I can teach and love and make a home for my family without a moment to spare every day – and feel stretched and full but happy and blessed. Maybe He knows that’s where I am today, in this season. Maybe he knows that six children nine and under, with babies 13 months apart means my arms are never empty – no matter what else might need doing.
I’ve heard people describe this stage in life as “running on autopilot.”
But maybe running on autopilot really isn’t the best way to describe it. I actually don’t quite feel like I’m on autopilot. I do feel like I’m so busy living each and every moment that I just can’t stop and ponder each and every moment the way I once could.
Maybe it’s kind of like the old “stop and smell the roses” saying. I am smelling the roses. All day long I smell roses. And daffodils. And lilies. And lilacs. I have a whole beautiful English garden full of lovely flowers to smell. And I love them all. But all I can do in this beautiful garden is walk around and smell the garden as a whole. I can’t really just smell the roses – because the lilacs are so fragrant right next to them. The perfume of the whole garden is beautiful and fills up all my senses. I can see the colors, textures and shapes, the light shining through the leaves and brightening up the colors around me even more. I can smell the fragrance. I can hear the birds chirping and the frogs croaking and the children playing. I can feel the warm sun shining on my face. All of it. Deliciously, all at once. Isn’t that what a garden is all about, after all?
But when I hear someone mention a rose I missed, or a tulip that slipped by unnoticed by me – I start to doubt if I’m doing right by enjoying the garden as a whole. As though I’m doing it wrong somehow.
But then my Gardener reminds me, when I take the time to listen to Him and block out the other garden guests around me, that He planted this garden, and He put me in this particular garden – as full as it is. And really, if He just wanted me to smell the roses, He would most likely have just planted roses for me.
But He didn’t plant just roses. And I like all the color and beauty of the wild, busy garden I’m in. I suspect He knew just what kind of garden was right for me. Those neat and tidy gardens that other people like never did appeal to me. Straight rows of bushes, everything in order, one pretty flowering plant amidst the many evergreen bushes and shrubs, and always so green and always neatly trimmed – but so… predictable. I have always been drawn to the gardens that are so full of color and life and variety that you can’t really pick out just one flower and love it best. You have no choice but to just stand there, in the middle of it, and take in the beauty of the garden as a whole. Sure, there are weeds down in there… but there are so many beautiful flowers to admire that you can’t even see the weeds hiding under them. And some things are overgrown and a bit messy even – but somehow that just adds to the beauty of it all. That has always been my kind of garden. And He knows it – which, again, is why He likely put me in this one rather than those pretty, neat and predictable gardens all around me.
To be perfectly honest there are times that I do get a little overloaded - when I'm so busy in my garden that I miss the smells and sights and sounds for a bit. I won't deny that sometimes I really do wish I could just smell roses every once in a while. After all, once upon a time my garden was small and I did smell only roses - but my roses grew and many more flowers have been planted since then. But I wouldn't give any of the beauty of it up. And I never long for the plain gardens. And I know that if I did just stop and smell the roses only, that I'd very quickly miss the colors and smells of the garden as a whole.
So that’s where I am. That’s why I haven’t written in a while. That's why I forget things and sounds distracted much of the time. I’m not sure I have much worth saying that anyone else cares to hear. But my little garden does need me and I do so love walking around in it, trimming a bit, watering a bit – but mostly just living in it and smelling all those many flowers. And somehow, it’s often hard to find the time to sit here at this computer and get all these wonderful thoughts on record in between piggy-backing nappers and growing children, but it does feel good to see it all written down in front of me.
So I am going to resolve to spend more time in the midst of my life remembering that my Gardener planted me here - and He wants me to enjoy this garden. The full, busy, wild beauty of it all. And I am going to stop comparing my messy, overgrown garden to the neat and tidy gardens that others have. And I am going to try to enjoy the beauty of this garden even more - and not feel guilt over the hidden weeds or the gangly lilacs. That is the hardest part for me... to let go of the guilt that somehow I'm missing something or doing something wrong and that enjoying it is not enough, but rather that I have to earn it. But I am going to remember that this garden was meant as a gift for me. And I am going to remember that my Gardener loves me, and I'm not going to let those neat and tidy garden dwellers make me feel like I'm doing it wrong or messing up His garden. But I also want to remember even more that my Gardener wants to enjoy it with me. SO I am just going to keep on walking through the garden and talking with Him as I do so.
And maybe in another season I'll be able to single out one flower or another to enjoy more thoroughly, or have long, uniterrupted talks with the Gardener - but I think it's OK to be doing it this way for now. I think this little garden is growing well and all of us who live in it are enjoying it immensely. And I think it's really going to be alright.
And maybe, just maybe, I can make a little more time to take notes and write down my adventures. It's been a while... but this was surprisingly fun and theraputic. ;o)
Monday, August 15, 2011
The Start to the New School Year
Phew.
Day One of trying out a very, VERY light schedule (less than half of what I have planned when we really hit our full schedule) for the coming school year.
It was fun, it was full, it was good all around.
The things I've already learned:
So it was a good day. A full morning. Lots of smiles, lots of productivity, lots of life a' happenin'. And I hope to start up week one of our 34 week curriculum next Monday, but I am all about dropping the stuff that doesn't work for us and loving the stuff that does. This year I am leaving the guilt behind and just hanging on to faith instead! God put this family together, He is calling us to homeshcool, and if He thinks we can homeschool AND raise (and feed and clothe...) six small children, then we can. It may not look the way I plan it out, but it will be good.
And so it begins... bring on fall. I'm ready!
Day One of trying out a very, VERY light schedule (less than half of what I have planned when we really hit our full schedule) for the coming school year.
It was fun, it was full, it was good all around.
The things I've already learned:
- 8:30 is a completely unrealistic start time for us. Too many chores, too many mouths to feed, too many babies to hold and snuggle, too many children to talk to and actually parent and love on. No way we'll be pulling out books or Bibles or anything *official* before 9am.
- We have a lot to do in any given day. Two babies, two preschoolers, two elementary aged children - plus laundry, meals, housecleaning, the list goes on... No wonder my free summer days have already felt full. Not quite sure how all the school year stuff is giong to fit in.
- Now I remember why my house is messy through the school year. I have more spare minutes to tidy and organize through the summer. Once we get up and moving I suspect I won't really be cleaning until next summer. ;o)
- Incentives work beautifully. I started offering up fun prizes (two pieces of gum, an ice cream cone, stuff like that) and letting the big boys bid for extra chores. Today I got an entire bathroom cleaned and my van cleaned out, vacuumed and washed, all for the cost of 6 pieces of gum. They're already eyeballing little odd jobs around the house and wondering if they can do them for more. Yay!
- This year is going to fly by at break-neck speed and before I know it my baby girl will be walking and my oldest son will be ten and I'll not even have had time to blink!
So it was a good day. A full morning. Lots of smiles, lots of productivity, lots of life a' happenin'. And I hope to start up week one of our 34 week curriculum next Monday, but I am all about dropping the stuff that doesn't work for us and loving the stuff that does. This year I am leaving the guilt behind and just hanging on to faith instead! God put this family together, He is calling us to homeshcool, and if He thinks we can homeschool AND raise (and feed and clothe...) six small children, then we can. It may not look the way I plan it out, but it will be good.
And so it begins... bring on fall. I'm ready!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Goals
My goals lately seem to fall somewhere in the "getting it done" category. I know there are seasons in life when those are good goals to meet. Getting anything done well or right is a bonus. Just getting it done at all is good enough though. And being a homsechooling mom to 6 children 9 and younger, the youngest two both just babies, I've definitely found myself falling into that mode of just doing what works - even if it's not the best.
But as my Sweet Pea is hitting the four month mark (I know. It still shocks me to even say it out loud. Four months. Wow.) I find my little fog clearing just a bit and I can see that "good enough" isn't really good enough.
Much of this awareness has fallen on my house which is in a bit of a shambles. I've tried to soak up every moment of Sweet Pea's first weeks and months, and I know I won't regret that time one little bit! The clutter piled, the organization fell by the way side, and I'm so thankful school was out when it was or I don't know what I would have done! And all that's OK in my book. Messes will still be there to clean, books will still be there to read, but my baby won't be a baby for long, so I want to take as much time as possible to enjoy her as I can.
But - as I come out of my New Baby Fog - I am starting to see that my enjoyment of Sweet Pea has left me cutting corners in areas where I shouldn't be, and where I don't want to.
I guess over the past few days (maybe weeks) I've started to realize that my goals with my children have been much more behaviorally focused. Correcting bad behavior, reinforcing good behavior, the usual. And I do believe it is good to correct bad behavior and to encourage good behavior.
But the problem is that behavior has become the main focus.
And that is a big problem. Because we are all people - fallen, sinful people - young and old alike. And I don't want MY attention on behavior to be what my kids think it's all about. After all, isn't that why Jesus died? Because God knew our behavior would never be good enough? We could never earn our way to heaven. So that's why He chose the plan that He did - to show us just how much we need His grace.
So as of today, my goal will be my children's hearts. To see them. To know them. To win them. To keep them.
This has been a goal of mine before, but it's harder to stick to it than one might think. Getting stuff done often feels more important in any given moment. Changing their behavior rather than their inward heart is a lot easier, to be honest.
But as I write all this, and as I ponder these thoughts I believe God has revealed to me, it occurs to me that when I focus on their hearts as God does - focusing on the heart of a man rather than on his outward appearance the way men do (see 1 Samuel 16:7) then their behavior will likely improve anyway. I'm going about it all wrong by making that the focus. I'm too tired to bring to mind any vivid analogies, but there are many (even in the Bible there are many!) out there to make the point that painting over the surface does nothing if the inside is missed.
So I am praying for God's help to see my children's hearts, to know them and to keep them. I want to be close to them, not just in charge of them. And I know this will challenge me. And I know it'll make other goals (like getting the house in order, for one, or finding any down time for myself in the day) much harder to meet. But I really do feel that God is calling me to do this right now.
So there it is. My new goal as a mother. It's not really even new at all. I'm just seeing my same goals in a different light, and seeing how my actions have not been in line with my heart's desire for our family. And how in my efforts to help my children behave better, and encourage them in Christian ways, I might be driving them away from a relationship with Christ rather than towards one by putting too much focus on behavior and outward appearance. I just pray that it's not too late and that God in His wisdom and grace will help me to do better, and that my children will love me enough to forgive my mistakes. And that I can be the mom God wants me to be. And the mom my children want and need me to be, too. I haven't much idea how to get there myself. I keep doing it all backwards. So this one will most definitely take divine intervention!
I'm very thankful that God is still in the business of answering prayers. ;o)
But as my Sweet Pea is hitting the four month mark (I know. It still shocks me to even say it out loud. Four months. Wow.) I find my little fog clearing just a bit and I can see that "good enough" isn't really good enough.
Much of this awareness has fallen on my house which is in a bit of a shambles. I've tried to soak up every moment of Sweet Pea's first weeks and months, and I know I won't regret that time one little bit! The clutter piled, the organization fell by the way side, and I'm so thankful school was out when it was or I don't know what I would have done! And all that's OK in my book. Messes will still be there to clean, books will still be there to read, but my baby won't be a baby for long, so I want to take as much time as possible to enjoy her as I can.
But - as I come out of my New Baby Fog - I am starting to see that my enjoyment of Sweet Pea has left me cutting corners in areas where I shouldn't be, and where I don't want to.
I guess over the past few days (maybe weeks) I've started to realize that my goals with my children have been much more behaviorally focused. Correcting bad behavior, reinforcing good behavior, the usual. And I do believe it is good to correct bad behavior and to encourage good behavior.
But the problem is that behavior has become the main focus.
And that is a big problem. Because we are all people - fallen, sinful people - young and old alike. And I don't want MY attention on behavior to be what my kids think it's all about. After all, isn't that why Jesus died? Because God knew our behavior would never be good enough? We could never earn our way to heaven. So that's why He chose the plan that He did - to show us just how much we need His grace.
So as of today, my goal will be my children's hearts. To see them. To know them. To win them. To keep them.
This has been a goal of mine before, but it's harder to stick to it than one might think. Getting stuff done often feels more important in any given moment. Changing their behavior rather than their inward heart is a lot easier, to be honest.
But as I write all this, and as I ponder these thoughts I believe God has revealed to me, it occurs to me that when I focus on their hearts as God does - focusing on the heart of a man rather than on his outward appearance the way men do (see 1 Samuel 16:7) then their behavior will likely improve anyway. I'm going about it all wrong by making that the focus. I'm too tired to bring to mind any vivid analogies, but there are many (even in the Bible there are many!) out there to make the point that painting over the surface does nothing if the inside is missed.
So I am praying for God's help to see my children's hearts, to know them and to keep them. I want to be close to them, not just in charge of them. And I know this will challenge me. And I know it'll make other goals (like getting the house in order, for one, or finding any down time for myself in the day) much harder to meet. But I really do feel that God is calling me to do this right now.
So there it is. My new goal as a mother. It's not really even new at all. I'm just seeing my same goals in a different light, and seeing how my actions have not been in line with my heart's desire for our family. And how in my efforts to help my children behave better, and encourage them in Christian ways, I might be driving them away from a relationship with Christ rather than towards one by putting too much focus on behavior and outward appearance. I just pray that it's not too late and that God in His wisdom and grace will help me to do better, and that my children will love me enough to forgive my mistakes. And that I can be the mom God wants me to be. And the mom my children want and need me to be, too. I haven't much idea how to get there myself. I keep doing it all backwards. So this one will most definitely take divine intervention!
I'm very thankful that God is still in the business of answering prayers. ;o)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Six Reasons to Smile
Of course there are a million other reasons to smile every day... but here are the reasons behind most of the smiles around here.
Punky - nine years old now and as handsome as ever. So much more "man" and so much less "boy" in him every day.
Finny - seven years old and such a delight. This boy has the sweetest heart ever.
Goose - just weeks shy of his fifth birthday and blowing our minds daily with his wit and intellect. This one is probably responsible for more laughs (and more brows furrowed in thought over insanely deep questions and observations) in a day than all the others combined!
Girly Pie - just turned three and so full of light and life she might just burst. Or she may fall to the floor in an emotional puddle of tears. You just never know with her... ;o)
Lellybug - fifteen months old and the sweet little prince of the family. This boy adds so much joy to our home!
And Sweet Pea - ten weeks old tomorrow and the pride and joy of all her brothers and her sister (and her Momma and Daddy, too). This little girl has a smile that can melt icebergs - and we all love that she sticks her tongue out almost all the time, too!Sunday, April 3, 2011
Some pictures
Just a few pictures from Baby Girl's (I still need to come up with the right blog name for her...) first days, mostly of her siblings meeting her for the first time just an hour after she was born.
Girly Pie meeting her baby sister. She's so delighted to have a sister now. What a precious gift.
Goose thinks she's the most beautiful thing ever.
Sweet Punky. He is so amazing - and so proud to be the biggest brother. He thinks Baby Girl is the cutest thing ever, too.
My Amazing husband. Two little girls to raise now. He's thrilled... and terrified at the same time. ;o)
The whole crew of kiddos.
Finny is smitten. He may be the biggest baby lover of them all. Next to his Momma, of course.
Sweet Bug. He's only 13 1/2 months old, but so sweet and loves to cover Baby Girl with kisses.
Our sweet new baby girl.
Big brown eyes.
I love her little hands...
Cute girl!
Girly Pie meeting her baby sister. She's so delighted to have a sister now. What a precious gift.Goose thinks she's the most beautiful thing ever. Sweet Punky. He is so amazing - and so proud to be the biggest brother. He thinks Baby Girl is the cutest thing ever, too.My Amazing husband. Two little girls to raise now. He's thrilled... and terrified at the same time. ;o)The whole crew of kiddos.Finny is smitten. He may be the biggest baby lover of them all. Next to his Momma, of course.Sweet Bug. He's only 13 1/2 months old, but so sweet and loves to cover Baby Girl with kisses.Our sweet new baby girl.Big brown eyes.I love her little hands...Cute girl!
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