Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does YOUR garden grow?

(WARNING: What you are about to read is long and rambling and may make no sense to anyone other than myself. Continue at your own risk...)


I sit here not even knowing what to write. My blog has been completely neglected for months (my last post was from our first day of school – we are now halfway through week 12 in our My Father’s World curriculum) but it’s not for lack of good content. On the contrary, actually. There have been so many wonderful happenings in life that it’s a little overwhelming to just pick one to write about.

But I guess that’s kind of the point… Life is good. Life is blessed. Life is beautiful. But life is FULL.

My days start before 6am, and I’m rarely asleep before 11 at night. And Sweet Pea, who will be eight months old tomorrow, is still waking up every two hours through the night. My oldest two sons are in 4th and 2nd grade and we’re doing My Father’s World’s first year of their five-year cycle – Exploring Countries and Cultures - in addition to their math, spelling, language arts (which I admit I pretty much don’t do), etc. Goose (5) and Girly Pie (3) are both what I consider preschoolers and I’m making every effort to actually do SOME preschooly stuff with them every day – some Cubbies verses for our Awana club, reading lessons for 5 year old Goose, some Rod and Staff workbooks, fun sticker books, puzzles, games and lots and lots of play dough. Bug is rounding the corner to two and I just can’t seem to squeeze all our school into his nap time anymore so he is more of an entity this year as well. He is NOT content to just sit happily at the table with a fun activity in front of him. No, he seems to think that school time is the one time of day when he wants, NEEDS Mommy’s full, undivided, direct attention. And he has no problem LOUDLY making this fact known. Of course as soon as I’m not trying to work with anyone else he’s happy to putter about quietly, contently, and independently. Did I mention he’s almost two? ;o) And darling little Sweet Pea naps through some of our morning routine but not all of it. She’s at the age where she is happy to crawl and play sometimes, hungry lots of other times, and wanting to be held and played with the rest of the time. Of course I love doing all these things with all of them - but they often overlap and I have to run triage a bit, so to speak.

And there is laundry and cooking and cleaning and and disciplining and friends to keep up with and appointments to schedule and diapers to change and sewing projects to sneak in and Christmas presents to plan and make and buy… and after all that is mostly done in a day there is of course my husband who still hopes to have a cheerful wife to come home to and enjoy each evening. And sleep is good. I like sleep. I do get some – that’s a good thing.

And the thing is - I LOVE everything I do. I am really enjoying the school stuff with my big boys this year and feel like I’ve really hit my stride for the first time as a homeschooler. I really enjoy the preschool time with my Middles. I really love having a toddler and watching him grow and learn and talk and discover. And having a baby to cuddle and love on is of course a daily joy and blessing. I love having a large family and seeing their relationships blossom and grow. I love my wonderful husband and enjoy the time I get to spend with him. Heck, I even enjoy doing laundry at this point. Crazy, but true.

And did you know I’m a Christian? Did I mention I know God? No? I didn’t mention that, did I?

You see, I do know God. I do know He is there and has handed me every single blessing and good thing in my life. And I love Him. And I am so, so, so thankful. Truly. I do give thanks in all circumstances. I see nothing in my life that I feel anything but thankful for.

But this full life of blessings is still… full. And I find less and less time to actually read the Bible. I pray constantly – all day long really. A constant connection to Him, reaching out all day long. But those long “real” prayers where you write stuff down and seek Him out and lift others up in prayer that I hear tell of – nope. Don’t do that. The kids and I read the Bible together daily for school time – but personal reading time, alone time “with God”? Nope. Don’t do that much at all. Honestly, I even get a little bummed when I hear people speak of a “close personal relationship” with Jesus. I think I know what that is, but I can’t say I have experienced it. I mean, maybe I have. I have felt close to Him. I know I love Him. I know He loves me. I can’t wait to meet Him in heaven and I hope I make Him proud. But close and personal doesn’t quite describe it. Respectful. Loving. Thankful. Honoring… but maybe even just a little bit distant. There – but not quite right HERE. Does that make sense?

I’m just being totally honest here. I’m sure it’ll get all kinds of offensive for someone, or will draw pity or contempt from others. I don’t know. But it’s the truth.

And the thing is – I’m OK with a little distant right now. Is that OK? I feel like I’m supposed to WANT close and personal, and that maybe I’m wrong for not. I wonder if I sound un-Christian to the right sort of people and when I read certain blogs or books that speak of all those things I start to get this sinking feeling that I’m doing it all wrong. That maybe the God I know and love, who loves me through thick and thin and understands when I’m busy living the life He gave me and loves me anyway is not the God that they are talking about. Maybe God is more judgmental and has a higher standard than I thought He did. I start to shrink down into my little cave and feel like I’ve not only failed all the other people out there whom I would consider my peers, but that I’ve failed Him somehow, too. Then I try to do more, shine more, look better, fill in a better Christian “resume,” you know?

And every once in a while He snaps me back to attention and turns my face back up to His and reminds me that I really, truly do not need to earn His love or His Grace. They are both free. Freely given, and His hope is that they will be freely received.


But sometimes when I spend too much time looking around at others I get it all muddled up in my brain and heart. I see the good in them and somehow turn that into an expectation upon myself to do better. Be better. Earn more of His free gifts of love and Grace.

So maybe that’s the distance piece? Maybe I take too much from the Christian culture around me and tell myself I’m distant. He’s distant.

Maybe it’s really OK that my days feel full – in a good way. Maybe it’s OK that I can’t check off the box of Bible reading and quiet prayer time every day (or week, or month, if I’m going to be perfectly honest…). Maybe I can teach and love and make a home for my family without a moment to spare every day – and feel stretched and full but happy and blessed. Maybe He knows that’s where I am today, in this season. Maybe he knows that six children nine and under, with babies 13 months apart means my arms are never empty – no matter what else might need doing.

I’ve heard people describe this stage in life as “running on autopilot.”

But maybe running on autopilot really isn’t the best way to describe it. I actually don’t quite feel like I’m on autopilot. I do feel like I’m so busy living each and every moment that I just can’t stop and ponder each and every moment the way I once could.

Maybe it’s kind of like the old “stop and smell the roses” saying. I am smelling the roses. All day long I smell roses. And daffodils. And lilies. And lilacs. I have a whole beautiful English garden full of lovely flowers to smell. And I love them all. But all I can do in this beautiful garden is walk around and smell the garden as a whole. I can’t really just smell the roses – because the lilacs are so fragrant right next to them. The perfume of the whole garden is beautiful and fills up all my senses. I can see the colors, textures and shapes, the light shining through the leaves and brightening up the colors around me even more. I can smell the fragrance. I can hear the birds chirping and the frogs croaking and the children playing. I can feel the warm sun shining on my face. All of it. Deliciously, all at once. Isn’t that what a garden is all about, after all?

But when I hear someone mention a rose I missed, or a tulip that slipped by unnoticed by me – I start to doubt if I’m doing right by enjoying the garden as a whole. As though I’m doing it wrong somehow.

But then my Gardener reminds me, when I take the time to listen to Him and block out the other garden guests around me, that He planted this garden, and He put me in this particular garden – as full as it is. And really, if He just wanted me to smell the roses, He would most likely have just planted roses for me.

But He didn’t plant just roses. And I like all the color and beauty of the wild, busy garden I’m in. I suspect He knew just what kind of garden was right for me. Those neat and tidy gardens that other people like never did appeal to me. Straight rows of bushes, everything in order, one pretty flowering plant amidst the many evergreen bushes and shrubs, and always so green and always neatly trimmed – but so… predictable. I have always been drawn to the gardens that are so full of color and life and variety that you can’t really pick out just one flower and love it best. You have no choice but to just stand there, in the middle of it, and take in the beauty of the garden as a whole. Sure, there are weeds down in there… but there are so many beautiful flowers to admire that you can’t even see the weeds hiding under them. And some things are overgrown and a bit messy even – but somehow that just adds to the beauty of it all. That has always been my kind of garden. And He knows it – which, again, is why He likely put me in this one rather than those pretty, neat and predictable gardens all around me.

To be perfectly honest there are times that I do get a little overloaded - when I'm so busy in my garden that I miss the smells and sights and sounds for a bit. I won't deny that sometimes I really do wish I could just smell roses every once in a while. After all, once upon a time my garden was small and I did smell only roses - but my roses grew and many more flowers have been planted since then. But I wouldn't give any of the beauty of it up. And I never long for the plain gardens. And I know that if I did just stop and smell the roses only, that I'd very quickly miss the colors and smells of the garden as a whole.

So that’s where I am. That’s why I haven’t written in a while. That's why I forget things and sounds distracted much of the time. I’m not sure I have much worth saying that anyone else cares to hear. But my little garden does need me and I do so love walking around in it, trimming a bit, watering a bit – but mostly just living in it and smelling all those many flowers. And somehow, it’s often hard to find the time to sit here at this computer and get all these wonderful thoughts on record in between piggy-backing nappers and growing children, but it does feel good to see it all written down in front of me.

So I am going to resolve to spend more time in the midst of my life remembering that my Gardener planted me here - and He wants me to enjoy this garden. The full, busy, wild beauty of it all. And I am going to stop comparing my messy, overgrown garden to the neat and tidy gardens that others have. And I am going to try to enjoy the beauty of this garden even more - and not feel guilt over the hidden weeds or the gangly lilacs. That is the hardest part for me... to let go of the guilt that somehow I'm missing something or doing something wrong and that enjoying it is not enough, but rather that I have to earn it. But I am going to remember that this garden was meant as a gift for me. And I am going to remember that my Gardener loves me, and I'm not going to let those neat and tidy garden dwellers make me feel like I'm doing it wrong or messing up His garden. But I also want to remember even more that my Gardener wants to enjoy it with me. SO I am just going to keep on walking through the garden and talking with Him as I do so.

And maybe in another season I'll be able to single out one flower or another to enjoy more thoroughly, or have long, uniterrupted talks with the Gardener - but I think it's OK to be doing it this way for now. I think this little garden is growing well and all of us who live in it are enjoying it immensely. And I think it's really going to be alright.

And maybe, just maybe, I can make a little more time to take notes and write down my adventures. It's been a while... but this was surprisingly fun and theraputic. ;o)

The Start to the New School Year

Phew.

Day One of trying out a very, VERY light schedule (less than half of what I have planned when we really hit our full schedule) for the coming school year.

It was fun, it was full, it was good all around.

The things I've already learned:

1. 8:30 is a completely unrealistic start time for us. Too many chores, too many mouths to feed, too many babies to hold and snuggle, too many children to talk to and actually parent and love on. No way we'll be pulling out books or Bibles or anything *official* before 9am.


2. We have a lot to do in any given day. Two babies, two preschoolers, two elementary aged children - plus laundry, meals, housecleaning, the list goes on... No wonder my free summer days have already felt full. Not quite sure how all the school year stuff is giong to fit in.


3. Now I remember why my house is messy through the school year. I have more spare minutes to tidy and organize through the summer. Once we get up and moving I suspect I won't really be cleaning until next summer. ;o)


4. Incentives work beautifully. I started offering up fun prizes (two pieces of gum, an ice cream cone, stuff like that) and letting the big boys bid for extra chores. Today I got an entire bathroom cleaned and my van cleaned out, vacuumed and washed, all for the cost of 6 pieces of gum. They're already eyeballing little odd jobs around the house and wondering if they can do them for more. Yay!


5. This year is going to fly by at break-neck speed and before I know it my baby girl will be walking and my oldest son will be ten and I'll not even have had time to blink!

And I didn't even do any of the school work from our ACTUAL curriculum. Today was just a dry run of getting moving and doing directed activity for the morning. We got lots of preschool time in, a big goal for me this year, but hardly any mom-directed elementary time. The big boys just did their independent stuff and that's about it. So we'll be working out quite a few kinks from the proposed schedule. And we'll be likely dropping a few things from the wishlist as the year goes on. And that's ok. Because my biggest goals for the year are about being a family. I want to enjoy my children and my husband, and I want my husband to enjoy us. I want my children to grow closer to each other and to God. I want to pour into my younger crew and not brush them aside all day for the "more important" schooling of my older children. I want to REALLY soak up my two babies because I know these young months are so very precious and short and I don't want to miss a thing.

So it was a good day. A full morning. Lots of smiles, lots of productivity, lots of life a' happenin'. And I hope to start up week one of our 34 week curriculum next Monday, but I am all about dropping the stuff that doesn't work for us and loving the stuff that does. This year I am leaving the guilt behind and just hanging on to faith instead! God put this family together, He is calling us to homeshcool, and if He thinks we can homeschool AND raise (and feed and clothe...) six small children, then we can. It may not look the way I plan it out, but it will be good.

And so it begins... bring on fall. I'm ready!

Goals

My goals lately seem to fall somewhere in the "getting it done" category. I know there are seasons in life when those are good goals to meet. Getting anything done well or right is a bonus. Just getting it done at all is good enough though. And being a homsechooling mom to 6 children 9 and younger, the youngest two both just babies, I've definitely found myself falling into that mode of just doing what works - even if it's not the best.

But as my Sweet Pea is hitting the four month mark (I know. It still shocks me to even say it out loud. Four months. Wow.) I find my little fog clearing just a bit and I can see that "good enough" isn't really good enough.

Much of this awareness has fallen on my house which is in a bit of a shambles. I've tried to soak up every moment of Sweet Pea's first weeks and months, and I know I won't regret that time one little bit! The clutter piled, the organization fell by the way side, and I'm so thankful school was out when it was or I don't know what I would have done! And all that's OK in my book. Messes will still be there to clean, books will still be there to read, but my baby won't be a baby for long, so I want to take as much time as possible to enjoy her as I can.

But - as I come out of my New Baby Fog - I am starting to see that my enjoyment of Sweet Pea has left me cutting corners in areas where I shouldn't be, and where I don't want to.

I guess over the past few days (maybe weeks) I've started to realize that my goals with my children have been much more behaviorally focused. Correcting bad behavior, reinforcing good behavior, the usual. And I do believe it is good to correct bad behavior and to encourage good behavior.

But the problem is that behavior has become the main focus.

And that is a big problem. Because we are all people - fallen, sinful people - young and old alike. And I don't want MY attention on behavior to be what my kids think it's all about. After all, isn't that why Jesus died? Because God knew our behavior would never be good enough? We could never earn our way to heaven. So that's why He chose the plan that He did - to show us just how much we need His grace.

So as of today, my goal will be my children's hearts. To see them. To know them. To win them. To keep them.

This has been a goal of mine before, but it's harder to stick to it than one might think. Getting stuff done often feels more important in any given moment. Changing their behavior rather than their inward heart is a lot easier, to be honest.

But as I write all this, and as I ponder these thoughts I believe God has revealed to me, it occurs to me that when I focus on their hearts as God does - focusing on the heart of a man rather than on his outward appearance the way men do (see 1 Samuel 16:7) then their behavior will likely improve anyway. I'm going about it all wrong by making that the focus. I'm too tired to bring to mind any vivid analogies, but there are many (even in the Bible there are many!) out there to make the point that painting over the surface does nothing if the inside is missed.

So I am praying for God's help to see my children's hearts, to know them and to keep them. I want to be close to them, not just in charge of them. And I know this will challenge me. And I know it'll make other goals (like getting the house in order, for one, or finding any down time for myself in the day) much harder to meet. But I really do feel that God is calling me to do this right now.

So there it is. My new goal as a mother. It's not really even new at all. I'm just seeing my same goals in a different light, and seeing how my actions have not been in line with my heart's desire for our family. And how in my efforts to help my children behave better, and encourage them in Christian ways, I might be driving them away from a relationship with Christ rather than towards one by putting too much focus on behavior and outward appearance. I just pray that it's not too late and that God in His wisdom and grace will help me to do better, and that my children will love me enough to forgive my mistakes. And that I can be the mom God wants me to be. And the mom my children want and need me to be, too. I haven't much idea how to get there myself. I keep doing it all backwards. So this one will most definitely take divine intervention!

I'm very thankful that God is still in the business of answering prayers. ;o)

We must be doing SOMEthing right...

There are definitely times as the mother of 5 (almost 6!) young children when I feel like somehow we are doing our kids a disservice by raising them in such a large family.

Most days I know it's all a good, beautiful thing. Most days (almost all days, really) I delight in watching them grow, learn and love together. I know that though they give up a few things, they gain so much that it's all the right thing. And besides all that, it's all been God's plan and not mine, so I know it can't be wrong. But when wading knee deep through the culture around us (no matter how hard I try to avoid it altogether) I do still see all of the smaller families and hear about all the one-on-one activities they do, and the opportunities available to children with only one or two siblings - and I have my moments of guilt. Not doubt so much, just guilt that our children will someday feel they missed out on something due to the big family.

But today I was delighted by a glaring reminder that for all they may be missing out on, our children really are gaining so much by being raised in and among so many other blessings.

This afternoon was Finny's 7 year well child check. And since I had so many questions regarding his allergy and sensory issues, and since my sweet Hubby was working from home and was available, I was able to take him alone to his appointment.

The appointment itself was mostly uneventful. Finny's still 50% on weight and 75% on height - same as always practically since birth. He's still got some issues with skin and behavior, but no real answers. Food stuff might help out a bit, but no magic cures there. His last remaining ear tube is concerning so I should call his ear, nose and throat specialist to see about surgery to have it removed. Nothing huge or shocking - all things I expected to hear.

But as part of the appointment with older children the doctors like to ask them a few thoughtful questions, I suppose to gauge their development intellectually and socially. The first two were fun to listen to Finny's answers - about what he was good at and what he was not so good at. But I was surprised by the third question, and delighted by Finny's answer.

Doc: "Finny, if you could have one wish, and you could ask for anything in the world - what would you wish for?"

(I sat there a little surprised myself and quite curious as to what his response would be - a new bike? A pool? A puppy? To end his allergy diet and eat anything he wanted? I waited with baited breath to hear, but I didn't have to wait long, as he answered without hesitation)

Finny: "A baby sister. 'Cuz I only have one sister."

Seriously. Of all the things in the whole wide world he could ask for - he asks for a baby sister. How sweet is that!?

So apparently at least one of my elder children is not too terribly put-out by the addition of a new sibling every year or two. I guess God knew just what He was doing after all when He planned our family out. Which I already knew, of course. ;o)

(and I'm pretty sure Finny will be delighted if it's a new brother on the way, too... though maybe that wish will become a fervent prayer at that point. Who knows?)

Just another 24 hours...

• Mary Grace from Books and Bairns challenged us to record 24 hours in our homeschooling day for just one day. So I picked today.
  
  Wow. I guess I do more in a day than I realize. Thanks for the idea Mary Grace! This was fun. Sorry if it’s too much detail for folks to read. But I had so much fun recalling the day’s events I just couldn’t cut corners! ;o)
  
  
  
• 3:11am: Poor Little Bug wakes up howling – he’s been sick since Friday night and just isn’t getting well. I gave him Motrin and he went back to sleep. For a bit.
  
• 5:27am: Little Bug is up REALLY howling this time. Starting to wonder if he has an ear infection? Hubby tries to settle him but Bug is up and down from that point on. Not sure if he slept more or not. I tried in vain but didn't sleep a wink more. So tired.
  
• 6:03am: I finally get the hint that Bug is not going back to sleep so I drag out of bed to throw on the comfiest pants I can muster up to my growing belly and the warmest double layer shirt I can pull down over said growing belly. Bug is really screaming now from his crib. I miss when he was not sick and would wake up happily and chat in bed until I could get in to grab him…
  
• 6:10am: Get Bug the bottle he’s desperate for (poor guys is borderline dehydrated with this diarrhea virus he’s had – he’s gone from mostly solids and the occasional bottle to mostly bottles and only snippets of regular food since Friday night). He is still clingy and sad but settles. Girly Pie wakes up while I am feeding Bug, Hubby gets her from her room and she snuggles on the couch with Bug and me. 6:20am: The three big boys all trot downstairs and join us on the couch for a story or two and some snuggles. But Bug is grumpy and doesn’t want anyone else to snuggle with me – besides, there’s no room between the fussing, squirming baby and the growing belly and the whining two year old who apparently has decided it’s going to be her way or the highway this morning – so we leave the big brothers to finish reading Girly Pie her second story and I get up to walk Bug around and start the morning going. I managed to throw a quick lunch together for my Hubby before he leaves for work.
  
• 7:00am: Hubby is gone for work, the boys are all rolling on chores by now and Bug is parked on my hip for the day (I did get him to be happy in the Ergo for much of the day too. Normally he’d be off crawling around and happily exploring his world – but this virus he’s got is just messing with his whole demeanor). I did some morning chores but I forget which specific ones. Laundry probably, and kitchen tidying, a few loose ends for school, helping Girly Pie get her baby dolls adjusted in their various strollers and baby carriers. ;o)
• 7:30am: Breakfast is served – boring old cereal with some kiwi on the side for fun. Finny is on a very strict diet right now after some blood allergy tests revealed issues with dairy, wheat, egg and peanut. At least with cereal I can just let him pick from the safe options and we move on. I’m still trying to get a better grasp of more exciting and healthy breakfast options.
  
• 8:00am: Boys are off to do their after-breakfast chores while I get moving more on my day – laundry, settling poor, sad Bug to his first early nap of the day, playing a bit with Girly Pie, cleaning up the house.
  
• 8:30am: I wanted to vacuum today but Finny volunteered to do it for me, so he and Punky got the rest of the floor clutter picked up and as I ran up and down and all around in my usual morning bustle the floors downstairs became clean – it was like magic! As a reward for being so sweet and volunteering, I let them have some bonus computer time and they played Jumpstart 1st Grade together before school time started. During this time I was able to have a nice little phone chat with my bestest friend Mary Grace. It was a lovely way to start the day. Finny was in a hurry to start school stuff (he was close in our little reward system to earning a trip to the prize box so he wanted to get a few boxes checked off first thing!) so he got right to work with Awana and math.
  
• 9:30am: Starting school later than I like, but the kids were enjoying the computer time and I was enjoying my friend chat, so there you have it. We started with our annual Advent time Jesse Tree Bible reading and ornament coloring. Girly Pie colored her ornament in fully – she has such attention to detail. Goose had no interest at all so he did some sequencing puzzles at the table instead. But we all were together at least. Today was Noah and the flood. Then we moved onto history where we studied Pennsylvania and its beginnings as the second state. Did you know the PA state dog is the Great Dane? And their state bug is the firefly. I think that must be the coolest state bug. Wonder what Washington’s state bug is. Haven’t gotten there yet – we weren’t brought into the union for quite a while.
  
• 10am (almost): Bug wakes up an hour earlier than he should- and he’s sad and cranky and he’s pooped through everything. The boys move onto some independent work while I take care of that. Bug is happy enough to ride in the Ergo while we finish up what we can of school. Punky does math corrections, Awana and some history reading. Finny does his phonics workbook and fixes some math he missed. Then he moves onto a couple of other things but I forget what they were. When Bug is all settled somewhere in there the boys make miniature Liberty Bells out of Styrofoam cups and tin foil. Finny quits early, Punky goes overboard and adds a ton of his own intriguing embellishments. The fun stuff bleeds into the day as he continues to build pirate hooks for himself and his brothers with Styrofoam cups and pipe cleaners with his spare minutes. Girly Pie manages to struggle with all her potty trips today and though she makes it each time she still manages to make a puddle a few times in there, so a few potty clean ups happened in that time. Goose mostly played on his own or with Girly.
  
• 11am: Lunch prep is underway. Finny has been disciplined a couple of times for a bad attitude but has recovered. He’s excited to read to me from his new reading series we’re working through. He’s starting the 14th of the 15 books in the series and his reading confidence and excitement has sky rocketed. He can’t wait to read to me – which is why his attitude stunk earlier because he couldn’t wait through all the other needs his siblings had for his chance to read me his Knight Fight book. But when we read it he did great and can’t wait to finish off the last book later in the week. All the sibs enjoyed sitting in on his reading and he even read one of the previous books aloud to Girly Pie while waiting for my undivided attention. Very cute stuff.
  
• 12pm: Lunch is done (Top Ramen for most of us, gluten free homemade chicken noodle soup leftovers for Finny, and sliced apples. Fancy stuff, I know.) and while I go up to read a nap story to Girly Pie with Goose and Bug along for the ride, Finny and Punky clean up the lunch stuff and finish making some observations in their science notebooks from a recent experiment involving wet bread, dry bread and mold production. As if we need a special experiment to tell us what the results of that would be – but it was fun to watch our bread turn blue anyway – and to not feel guilty that it happened due to my own lack of homemaking skills. ;o) The nap story was a new one from the library and Girly and Goose loved it.
  
• 12:15pm: Bug is restless, so I get him one more mini-bottle since he didn’t eat much lunch, and I read another book to Goose. He loved it. Trying to make more time for my pre-k set – they play so well together and on their own that they often fade into the background more than I like. Just today’s efforts were so rewarding I’ll definitely keep up the time directed at them, even if it’s just a few more book times carved out in the day between big kid school chunks.
  
• 12:30pm: Last bits of school work are finished up before rest, but a few things were missed so some will happen after rest today, which is not our norm. Science starts a study of birds this week – our family loves birds so this is exciting. We discussed warm and cold bloodedness and they found it fascinating. 1:10pm: Bug starts his second nap, big boys begin their quiet rest time. Today I split them up and Finny’s alone while Goose and Punky play together. Trying to let their three way friendship see some different angles – otherwise it’s lately been the two big boys against their little bro – but taking one big boy out of the equation always leaves the other one being friendlier towards Goose. Hope they can work that out soon – I hate to see him always being the third wheel.
  
• 1:10-2:20pm: Kids are all down resting or napping so I get some quiet time. I talked with another close friend about the joys parenting and some other mom type topics. Cleaned the kitchen up and sat quietly for a bit.
  
• 2:30pm: Girly Pie wakes up so we have some mommy/daughter time. We read a book or two and cuddled, tickled and talked before the boys rolled down from rest. It was lovely. Her hugs and her delighted squeals when she has my full attention are just so delightful. I am reminded again of how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to raise a daughter among all my handsome sons. God is indeed so good. Then we all shared in some fun play doctor time (You know, where you listen to their bellies with a toy stethoscope and hear a frog in there so you need to surgically remove it. Isn’t that how everyone plays doctor at their house?) Bug wakes up super sad again from nap, so doctor ends quickly and the kids play for a bit while I settle the poor, sick baby. We pull out my real otoscope and check ears. No one looks like they have an infection, but poor Bug still acts like it.
  
• 3pm: Girly Pie plays a Star Fall letter game on the computer while we do a few last school items (math, Awana verses with Goose, things like that) and Bug is finally happy enough to crawl around and play a bit as long as I am on the floor with him.
  
• 4pm: One last school item to do before the day is through – it’s been on and off school this afternoon, lots of breaks but still finishing a few things up. The highlight of the day though: while Goose and Girly watched a Super Why video on the TV (educational pre-reading show – but Goose was fading as his head cold kicked in. Did I mention that most of the kids seem to be coming down with a nasty cold?) I did music with Punky and Finny. As they colored a picture from the Nutcracker and Bug spun around in the Johnny Jump Up I read a few things aloud and then we listened to snippets from the ballet itself. It was so cute to watch Punky and Finny dance around the family room as Bug spun and jumped and twisted to the music (He was TOTALLY dancing! So sweet!). That was the moment that made all the rough moments of the past week fade away as I remember just why it is we homeschool. My children love each other, and we’re learning about fun things that are really worth our time. The baby likes Tchaikovsky and the big kids think it’s the best thing ever to dance around the room with a baby in a jumper. Girly and Goose soon joined the fun.
  
• 5pm: Dinner is almost lost – we’re out of ketchup which is the main ingredient in my taco meat (sounds gross but it’s really good). Thankfully my friend C is dropping by some library holds she was kind enough to pick up for me (we keep getting sick so I can't even get to the library to grab my holds!) and she was able to grab a bottle of ketchup on her way over to save the day. Yay! And then Bug has another blow out in his diaper. Poor guy!
  
• 5:40pm: Baby is fully clean again, kids are hungry and ready to eat. Dinner is eaten happily by all without a crumb left. Hubby makes it home in time to scarf a few tacos down before he and Punky head out to Punky’s 4H archery club.
  
• 6:15pm: Hubby and Punky head out, Bug gets one last bottle (poor guy won't eat a bite so all I can do is give him bottles to keep him hydrated and fed!), Finny takes over as eldest in the house and leads the way for Goose and Girly. He is so sweet when he’s the big kid on duty! He always thinks of the best games to teach them, even retelling fairy tales and playing parade. So sweet! Again I am reminded of how blessed I am as I watch different dynamics unfold in my family and I see all the beautiful little souls I have been blessed to raise. Poor Bug smells awful from a day full of yucky diarrhea so he gets a bath all by himself while the other three play happily down the hall. He's finally happy after bath and crawls around fora bit before he crashes again. The other three have fun crawling around with him. Cute stuff.
  
• 7pm: Bug is happily in bed, Girly gets her story time, Goose and Finny start a fun brother game in their room. Sweet hugs and snuggles with my girl before bed.
  
• 7:20-7:40: I play Playmobil with Finny and Goose and we video record scenes of the bad guy being brought to justice in the local jail (Finny’s Superman blanket). Then we read If You Give A Mouse A Cookie and I think how much that feels like my life. Especially when I look at the last picture of the happy mouse eating yet another cookie, and the exhausted boy collapsed in a heap of messes all around him. ;o) The boys decide to have a sleep over on their floor so they are in sleeping bags with a flashlight reading books and saying prayers together as I leave their room. SO CUTE!
  
• 7:40pm: Kids are all down, dog needs to potty, once I get settled I sit down to organize some pictures on the computer and type up this 24 hour day. Noticed baby wiggling some while I sat. I feel him or her through out the day, but find very few moments to just sit and "be pregnant." I sure do enjoy those wiggles as they happen, though! 23 1/2 weeks, FYI.
  
• 8:40pm: Chat with Mary Grace about baby bedding (So fun!) while I clean up the kitchen dishes.
  
• 9pm: Hubby and Punky return from archery. I tuck Punky into bed after 9. Late night for him. Then back to work on picture organizing and 24 hour recording again.
  
• 10:27pm: I’m finished now with this 24 record and need to go to sleep. I will head up to bed in a few and hope I get to sleep past 5-something tomorrow. But if not, apparently I can still have a lovely, blessed, full day. Maybe tomorrow I’ll actually squeeze in that Bible time I keep telling myself I’ll do every day. I feel terrible about that - but I really do wonder just where to find that time each day. Sigh. Tomorrow is a new day. ;o)

Ponderings

I have had a headache for the past three days - and now as the day fades into night I am FINALLY beginning to feel a little more like my old self.

It's amazing what a few days straight of pain will do to a soul. By last night I was feeling completely defeated, discouraged - like a failure as a mother and wife, stretched beyond my means and falling pathetically short as a follower of Jesus. I went to bed knowing in my soul that all I believe is true and that I am truly blessed - but in my mind and heart I felt so broken I just felt like all of life is a burden too great for me to carry and I wondered how I would ever survive the next day, let alone the rest of my life. (I get BAD headaches... migraines in the past but they are usually controlled with a few minor trigger foods I need to avoid, and this three day whopper had me down on my knees more than once! Give me drug free labor at home any day - but a splitting headache? No thanks. I'm too much of a wimp for that!)

This morning was a little better, but I was bummed to wake up after a great night's sleep and as much acetaminophen as is safe to take during pregnancy with the "shadow" of my headache still there, knowing full well that an hour or two on my feet would bring it back full force. I was still down and depressed, still slugging through the gifts of my life. I got breakfast done and on the table. I kissed my Man goodbye. I carried the baby and directed the traffic of a full morning of chores and play. But my heart was nowhere near "in it."

And then this afternoon - after a morning full of wincing and enduring and even a bit of whimpering - my final snooze and one last desperate prayer for relief so that I could again do all that I am called to do seemed to do the trick. I got off the couch as Girly Pie woke up from her nap and I felt only the slightest twinge of reminiscent pain. I was free! The spell of my three day pseudo-migraine had finally been broken - and my spirit was full once again!

So I write all this not to complain about my pain, or even really to rejoice over the relief of the pain (though let me tell you there has been much rejoicing and praising!). I mention it to explain the thoughts that come to my mind when I go through something like this.

First of all, I always end a pain spree (or a stomach flu or high fever - any really miserable physical time) full of thanks to God for the relatively healthy body and life with which He has blessed me. It's so easy to take for grated the million and two times each day I bend down to kiss a short little bundle of cuteness - until I'm on the couch for a week unable to move due to back spasms (last December while pregnant with Little Bug). It's easy to gloss over the fact that I can prepare three + meals for and clean up after 6 loved ones in this house each day, all while homeschooling them and keeping up with a little one or two (or three...) - until I spend three days wishing I could just melt away in bed and feeling pity for these poor children that are doomed to call me their mother, knowing I am in no way giving them all the love and care they deserve. Every healthy day of my life there are an uncountable number of moments that I take for granted as just another part of life - healthy children to fill my arms and lap, a hard working husband who loves, cares and provides for us, the means to stay at home, the opportunity to homeschool, a body that can do all it needs to do and do it joyfully and easily. And in all honesty, not one of those moments should be taken for granted. Not one of those blessings should be overlooked or taken lightly. And yet they are. I am so blessed that I don't even know how blessed I am. And sadly, it takes a day or two of losing one of those blessings (physical health and comfort) to remind me just how precious each healthy day is.

And that leads me to my second point - how weak and frail my faith, hope and joy are. How strong of a Christian would I be if I lived in am impoverished country and got one square meal a week? What would my faith look like if I feared every day that my husband or my children could be killed (or worse)? What would it look like if I had to face the loss of my husband or one of my precious children? I am too weak to even endure three days of physical pain (and minor pain compared to many in the world at that) without doubting and feeling sorry for myself, falling short of what I am called to do and losing the joy I should have in each thing I am blessed to do.

It has been an afternoon of humbling thoughts as I ponder these things. I am glad to know that it was the pain and not actually my own heart that was feeling the doubts and worries and hopelessness that consumed my last few days. But it makes me wonder just how deep that faith is - how far would I trust God? I am thankful He has never fully tested me on that (and is it wrong to hope that He never does?), but I am ashamed to admit that this teeny tiny trial has me wondering. And it makes me feel for people with long term physical ailments, or depression (even postpartum depression - when you are in that fog you cannot see the light!) or other struggles. It's so easy to forget that your body, your health, your very mind are all gifts from God - and not to be taken for granted.

So there you go. The random ramblings of a pregnant woman coming off a few days of pain. ;o) I am feeling much better now, and once again enjoying my husband, my children and my home. I again see God's gifts in my life and want to follow whole-heartedly. This evening when I feel this newest little Gift wiggling away in my belly I can feel the thrill of knowing we have been blessed with a new life and we will get to welcome a new little person into our home in a few months - rather than feeling the wiggle and wondering just how on earth I'll ever manage with six children, two of which only 13 1/2 months apart (yes - that's how miserable I was!).

So off I go to enjoy a movie with my Hubby and then to sleep off the last remnants of this headache. Thank you Lord for my life, and for healing. Thank you for the perspective check. And for the grace and love You show to look past my weaknesses, no matter how big and blaring they may be.

School Days

School was great today – For Bible we got into a very cool conversation about how Jesus is the light of the world, but that since He is no longer here in our world that His light shines through His spirit working in His followers. It was neat to watch my 6 and 8 year old sons chime in and brighten up at the thought of how light we as believers can make the world just by letting Jesus' light shine through us, and how dark the world would be if all of us as Christians took His grace and salvation and kept it to ourselves and lived just as dark of a life as others do. I love that a 2-3rd grade curriculum gets me thinking deeply about God's work and light in the world as well as my kids. ;o)

We made oiled paper windows like the pilgrims for history after our reading time. It was fun to do and interesting to see how the oil effected the paper. The reading was enjoyable, too. So far there hasn't been a single reading portion in any subject that we haven't all enjoyed.

For science we went out back and measured out how big the star Betelgeuse would be if the sun were only an inch in diameter. It was pretty cool to look at the entire yard and call it one star, compared to a paper circle in our hand that was our sun, and then to know that our earth was only a dot compared to either – and that we as individuals are microscopic in comparison to any of it. And that God made the whole universe massive enough to house billions upon billions of stars – many even bigger than Betelgeuse – was a pretty cool realization.

We also enjoyed our read aloud and I was begged again for “just one more chapter!” I did the reading while they boys worked on their art lesson - they are doing great and learning a lot. There are frustrating moments as the difficult techniques are learned, but they are both enjoying the fruits of their hard labor.

In between the core subjects where we all worked together, we snuck in some individual Awana time for memorization and math for both boys. Finny also got some reading time with me and our current book Stories of Dragons which is hard work for him but he's enjoying the stories.

I have noticed lately that Finny is struggling with some areas of reading that I think a phonics program might help with. I never did a phonics program for Punky, and though he had some weak areas in reading, the gaps just filled themselves and one day he just picked up the right book and took off reading and never looked back. The child is 8 1/2 and can read through a couple of 2-400 page Redwall novels in a week if he really felt like it - so I just assumed for a while that Finny would hit the same stride soon enough. But Punky did struggle with spelling, and as I always do from my first to my second, I noticed that possibly it was my lack of instruction in certain areas that made for his difficulties, so I'm going to at least try to work through those things with Finny (and the rest, I imagine) with the right tools and not just "wing it" with everything. So today we did our first phonics worksheets, and I was delighted to see that Finny actually enjoyed the work and felt so proud and confident afterwards. So I think it's a good thing. His new A Beka Letters and Sounds workbooks will arrive next week, and though I avoid workbooks in almost every topic but math, I think they will be a really good fit for this particular boy in this particular area.

And for lunch we got to celebrate the accomplishments of both of my elementary students in their efforts to do some (rather mundane for them) handwriting review work over the past three weeks by eating a delicious homemade alphabet soup lunch. I bought the alphabet noodles but put together my own broth and was thrilled to find that all but one of my kids LOVED it. It is hard to find lunches around here that get rave reviews from the majority of people, so I don't take a meal like that for granted. ;o)

So that was our morning in a nutshell. All in all, I have to say that I am REALLY enjoying this school year so far. I know it's only 5 weeks in, and I know we're still not quite at 100% of our work load - but the My Father's World program that I really feel God led me to in answer to prayer has really been a great fit for our family. It's been enough work to keep everyone challenged and learning, but not so much as to bore the boys or overwhelm them (or me!). The planning is minimal for me, and for the first time in a long time I have kids asking for school work by topic. After seeing grumbles last year (and most years, really) when anything remotely educational came out, it is so refreshing for me to hear Punky ask, "Do we get to do science today!?" or to have Finny beg for the timeline figures to color during our history session. In fact most of the complaints I get this year are when we DON'T get to do something - the days we skip science get a frown from Punky, and the days without music or timeline figures get booed by Finny. If we don't have a read aloud, they both are disappointed, and going to rest time without doing an art lesson is just no fun at all. ;o) Our Friday nature walks are amazingly popular, too (not surprisingly!).

So for now - 5 weeks in - I'm giving our curriculum and our school year two thumbs up. There are topics (mostly science) and days when I feel like it's almost too easy and that they might benefit from a heavier load, but then I am happily reminded that my oldest is only in 3rd grade! I have five very young children, and a sixth will be joining us in the spring. The number of unschooled Littles in this house is far greater than the number of actual students I am accountable to each day. So the fact that we have too easy of work many days is no problem at all. I have children excited for school! I am a momma who still has time to hang with her hubby in the evenings and make meals three times a day for her family - and I'm still keeping up on laundry to boot! My littles still get much of my time and attention through the day, and I'm not so overworked by the load that I feel too drained to enjoy their antics and games. The planning for school is done for me and I had no idea what a burden that was to have lifted from my shoulders.

My children are learning, I am living, and we are all enjoying the whole kit-and-caboodle. That for me makes it the perfect combo for this current year, in this current season of life.

And I am joyfully praising the Lord for answering my prayers for direction in schooling so clearly!

Perspective

You know how you can take something for granted when you have it all the time? I think that is how I used to be with alone time with any of my kiddos. But now that I have a handful of them, those moments of time alone with any one of them are just precious to me.

I've never been the mom to want to drop my kids to run off and do my own thing. Quite the contrary, actually. But I did still take for granted the many wonderful moments I had with them when I only had one or two (or three or four...). I've always wanted a whole passel of children, and more often than not I'm quite happy to just be with all of them enjoying the hustle and bustle of a lively and loving family. And even now there are times when I know I COULD pull just one of them aside - but to be completely honest I choose to just take that moment for just my own quiet alone time. And sometimes I need that alone time. Don't we all?

But today I decided to take the last 30 minutes of my kids' rest/nap time and pull my Goose from his rest early to just have some Mommy-Goose time with him. He is solidly the middle child - one sweet boy in the middle of 5 kids - and he is more often than not happy to do his own thing and fade quietly into the background, just checking in now and then for a happy smile or a goofy comment. His presence is always a joy, but he is often the one to just join the group. When it works for us or the situation he's one of the Big Boys. When it suits us better he's just one of the Littles.

So time alone with Goose is one of those precious things. And today I did make the time to just spend a half hour baking cookies with just my Little Big Man. And it was by far the happiest, most enjoyable chunk of my day. And I had an AWESOME day so that's saying a lot!

We chatted and I got to watch him slowly work his way through measuring and scooping flour. I was able to take the time to teach him a few tricks and we both had a wonderful time.

Now a few children ago that would have just been a nice moment, one of many I'd had and a happy addition to the day. But now - with five of them and those quiet moments much fewer and further between - it was one of those precious memories that may just last me a lifetime (of course my memory is not what it used to be so don't quote me on that...). And it inspires me to make more efforts to take a half hour here or an afternoon moment there to just take aside one of those precious gifts God has given to me and pour into just them alone, and allow them to just have all of me for that time, and to give all of themselves right back to me in return. Yes - I need my alone time. But today I realized that sometimes I actually enjoy the company of my children in those quiet moments more than I do just my own alone self.

An Oldie but a Goodie

Sometimes there is a reason that classic toys are just that...

Classic.

Last night I did some rearranging and pulled some old baby toys back into rotation for Little Bug. The other kids haven't seen them in quite a while, so whenever I rotate toys it's like we just got home from the toy store. ;o)

Girly Pie found the old Fisher Price donut ring stacker this morning and was smitten with it at first glance.

Something about that little toy has drawn in each and every one of my children at all different ages. The babies love to eat the rings. The toddlers love to wear the rings. The preschoolers tend to use the post as a sword and redistribute the rings all around the house so I spend the next several months trying to collect all five of them so I can put the toy away again (actually so do the school age kids, but I digress...). When they first hit the point of trying to stack them, the babies and toddlers always get them out of order and though some may patiently work at getting it right at times, most just proudly display the three rings they managed to fit on there and move on to something else. Then they grow a bit, and the stacker comes back into rotation (because inevitably another baby has come around...) and suddenly like magic they are able to stack all five rings in order without even breaking a sweat. It's amazing. It's inspiring. It's just plain fun.

And then of course once they've mastered it they lose all interest - and so it becomes a sword once again - and back it goes into the closet until - you guessed it - the next baby is ready to chew on the rings again.

So today when Girly Pie sat down on the kitchen floor I was not surprised to see then new knowledge of size comparison dawn on her as she started to put the rings onto the post. It only took her a few minutes to master, and she, just like her brothers in years past, was thrilled with herself.

I give it less than a week before she moves on - but none the less it was a great moment - and the pictures turned out beautifully, to boot. ;o)

Fall planning

How on earth am I to choose what to do in the fall? So many options, so many different styles of teaching and learning.

I'll have a 3rd grader, a 1st grader, a 4 year old a 2 year old and a baby. How can I teach the big boys what they need to learn and still have time to help Bug learn how to walk? How can I keep that mother-daughter time with Girly Pie without sacrificing too much from math and reading with Finny? How can we have fun and do projects and take field trips when there is so much to do? And how can I do laundry and make meals while I'm at it? Not to mention keeping up the house. Plus I'm tyring extra hard to still be a loving and happy wife for my Man when he gets home in the evenings.

I'm not super stressed about how the year will go. But I am praying hard that this year God directs me to the right curriculum/materials for the family. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows my children more intimately than I ever will. So who better to lead me to the right materials that will make our year go beautifully?

I feel like I fail every year at what I attempt to accomplish in homeschooling. I know that each year I also succeed in areas I never even thought to plan for as well, but this year I really do hope that God shines a light on the right combo of learning materials for us. I really do want Punky to actually *like* school time - not just endure it. Clearly I've not done very well in choosing what works for us. So this year I'm just waiting for God's leading to see just what is in store for us...

So far I'm feeling drawn to either My Father's World or a mix and match combo of materials for a science-heavy year (Sonlight science looks good, or the Apologia Exploring Creation series) with some Story of the World for history and a bunch of read alouds from various places (I love Sonlight's books but can't seem to pull off a year with their curriculum at this point).

So now I'm just researching the options, looking at the year ahead, and praying daily that God will lead our family down the right path for us all. I have no doubt He'll answer those prayers and bless us in the year ahead!

I have yet to upload the more recent pictures from my camera, but here are a few pictures of Little Bug and the others from the past weeks.


He's 4 weeks and change now, and is doing great. He has some good nights and some great nights, and some really, really not so great nights. ;o) Days are always great though - Little Bug is an amazing napper (much to my own irritation the days following those not so great nights as I go through my days in a fog watching him sleep the day away!) and our days (at least the days when no one is sick!) are going really well.

He love to be held but is happy when people other than Momma hold him too, which is so great for the rest of the family. Little Bug will sleep off of my body as well, which is also a blessing when I want to do something with the other kids.

We've already seen a couple of early smiles, but we're still waiting for the big baby grins to start. We all love watching him when he wakes up and talking to him. He's so alert and focused when he's awake (which is rare, I think this guy sleeps more than any baby I've met in my life!) and we all love to have little "conversations" with him. He also loves the blanket I made for him which of course makes me feel so good. He sleeps really well in it, and has started to pet it with his hand now and then, which is so sweet.

Our Little Bug really is so very sweet. And of course we all just LOVE his full head of silky dark hair. He's just such a blessing and I am enjoying each moment with my little man. I just love him so much! I'm always amazed at how much you can love someone you just met - and how hard it is to remember or imagine life without them after such a short time.

Well, my Little Man is here in my lap awake and wanting to look at me, so off I go to enjoy him. Enjoy the pics I scrounged up!

Afternoon nap time

Not sure if you can see the baby in between Girly Pie and Goose there. They sure do love him!

Goose and Little Bug

Cute little guy - he likes pacifiers, too, which is nice. ;o)


About two weeks old

Crossed eyes are so cute!

Sweet baby boy

Holding in the binky - nine days old here. Look at the chubby fingers starting already!

Sickness is for the birds.

I need to go to bed more than I need to post right now, but I wanted to quickly mention that things had been going really well with Little Bug in the mix, until the whole family got a Big Nasty Bug and we had vomiting and diarrhea for the past week. Everyone but Punky and (thank you Lord for answering prayers on this one) Little Bug got the nasty mini-flu and it was no fun. It was a short virus - one night each of being sick, one extra day of feeling rotten, and we were over it. From Monday to Sunday we fought the battle of illness.

And even though I was only two weeks into keeping up with everything as a Momma of five, I did alright all week. Even when I got hit with it (and with my low weight and my tendency to have trouble keeping up on calories to nurse well it's a bad thing for me to catch such a thing at this stage of the game) things still felt OK. I could do it all and it didn't feel too bad at all.

But it all caught up to me the other night and I was left in tears as I looked back on my week - and entire third of Little Bug's life - and realized I had walked through the whole thing on autopilot. I barely remembered a thing, and was sure I had lived very little of it in the moment. I hardly made eye contact with any of my kids, and had very little time to spare to actually enjoy the company of any of them. There were extra sheets and towels to wash, sick people to tend to, healthy people to keep away from the quarantined, a baby to tend to and basic needs to be met. I held my baby, sure, but I hardly got to enjoy him at all.

And that made me so sad. I so very much do not want to live this life on autopilot. And that night that I broke down was because it felt like maybe that was what life was really going to be like.

But I know it was just the illness on top of it all. Sleeplessness I can handle for months. A messier house than usual is no big deal to me. A little extra chaos, guilt over not doing enough stuff for school with the big kids, busy days and constant activity around me - all part of my life. But throw in that flu and I was down. It was a really bad week for that to happen, since it was the week I really felt back on my feet and ready to just be Mom again with my Hubby back at work.

But the Lord is good. My Hubby was able to be home for all our sick days (including one of his own!). What a blessing that was! Little Bug did not get sick, for which I cannot even tell you how grateful I am! The sickness was short lived, so those who did get sick got well quickly. Even my sickness was milder than the rest and I didn't even lose any weight. And even though I've already had some worries over nursing and low calorie intake I feel like God has answered my prayers and I already feel back on track with food and my milk supply.

So all this to say - I've not been writing because we've been sick and I have really just been working hard to be present when and where I can at home. And to say that even when things get hard, God always manages to shine through the darkness.

So this week we have been healthy and I know that life with our new family of seven really is just as beautiful, and even moreso, than life was with only six of us. Our days have been good and the kids adore Little Bug. I have been able to make time to just be with him in the day, as well as enjoy the others.

Yes, things are busier. There is more to do in a day and sure I have moments where there are more things to do than hands to do them. But it's the GOOD kind of busy. The kind of busy that makes me feel like my life is full to bursting, the kind of full that makes me sad for those whose lives seems calm - and empty.

But I am enjoying the days, the moments... the flashes of my Little Bug's first smile and the sweetness of my bigger guys all fawning over him, the sparkle in my husband's eyes as he scoops Girly Pie up in a huge Daddy hug when he gets home from work or when he holds our newborn son in his arms... life again feels so very sweet and I again feel so blessed to have been given these people in my family to share life with.

And as long as we stay vomit free, I think we're gonna be OK. ;o)

First day scheduling with five...

Hmmm...

Do you ever say to yourself, "I know there is a better way, but... good enough is OK." ?

Today, I'm thinking good enough is, indeed, good enough. ;o)

Little Bug's 1st bath

My Little Bug had his first bath a few days back, and I wanted to share a few of the pictures. He's just so cute!

Getting ready and awaiting the fun. Can't you see how excited he is?

He's so calm even when undressed. I love that Little Bug so far seems to be pretty laid back. But I guess at only 11 days old he still has a long time to really become opinionated. ;o)

Time to rinse off those lovely brown locks and see how they look when clean and fresh...

Look at those cheeks. At his first pediatric check yesterday he was already past his birth weight. I'm so pleased to see him chubbing up already!

Is there anything sweeter in the world than baby toes?

Gazing adoringly up at his beloved Momma. ;o)

Not sure if you can see... but look at those curls as his hair dries! Newborn Finny was like that after baths too, but trust me when I say that there is not a single curl in our entire house. We are as straight haired as they come around here. ;o)

Time stands still

Our new Little Man is 3 days old now, and this afternoon for the first time he and I ventured downstairs to rejoin the rest of the world.

For three days he and I sat up in the master bedroom and got to know one another. I got to gaze at his sweet face and memorize those perfect little features. I was able to familiarize myself with his little wimpers and squeaks. I stroked his dark hair and dreamed over his future and thought over the memories of this pregnancy and cried over the beauty of it all more times than I can count. Waves of hormone induced tears came at random moments through our beautiful little three day retreat together. We were far from lonely - the rest of the family came in and out of our room as they pleased - to visit with me, to snuggle with him, just to check in and stay close. But for the most part life went on as usual downstairs without us. Chores were done, school was accomplished, owies were kissed, tantrums were thrown and wet pants were changed. And Little Man and I just sat apart in our own separate little world through it all.

And I admit there were moments through the tears (am I the only woman who cries for no reason whatsoever in the days following birth?) when I felt sad that this new cocooning time would soon be ending and that real life would start again for Little Man and me. I was afraid to make that trek downstairs, knowing I would not go down again as the pregnant woman I was the last time I trekked up those same stairs. Life had changed, and could I handle this new life once it really started in earnest?

So this afternoon I came down when it looked like Girly Pie was too disagreeable to join Daddy and the boys for a trip to the park. But by the time I was ready to take over the care of one little girl and one baby boy, she had got her ducks in a row and was ready to hit the road with the gang. So Little Man and I were left alone downstairs for a while.

And you know what? Time indeed did not stand still while we had been upstairs. There were dishes in the sink and laundry in the hamper. The toys had been played with and only partly cleaned up. Sippy cups on the counters and crumbs on the floor.

But here's the crazy thing. Instead of feeling overwhelmed as I looked around the house, I actually felt better. As I stood there with my sweet Little Man in my arms - bright eyed and quiet as he gazed around his home for the first time - I realized suddenly how much I had missed all of it. I missed the dishes and the noise and the laundry rotation. I missed the morning sweeping of the floor and the setting of the dinner table.

Yes, my honeymoon with Little Man was wonderful. The rest was wonderful and I'm sure it will be a blessing to us all in the weeks to come that I was able to rest so much at first and will hopefully be blessed with more energy to do all that I am called to do now. I am so blessed to have a husband who is so willing to work extra hard to give me that time to recover both physically and emotionally.

But to come back downstairs and to look all around me at the pieces of life that remind me of all that goes on in my life in a day was a beautiful thing. And as I stood there with Little Man in my arms, instead of feeling strange and new, instead of wondering if I'd miss the joy of pregnancy, not knowing if I'd ever get to experience it again (always a struggle for me after I have a baby), I was so glad to get to share it all with him. Suddenly, the person who was missing from our family felt like he was really there to fill the hole I hadn't realized was empty. As I walked around downstairs with that Little Man, I felt like we were home.

And it feels so very good to be home. ;o)

I've got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...

It's one of those sunny, happy, delightful days around here.

No, the weather is not really sunny. It's dry, and I can actually see some blue through the gray - but that's not what I'm talking about.

It's just that I'm feeling all sunny and bright.

Don't you just love those days when all the blessings you KNOW you have just really feel so blindingly apparent that you just can't help but feel joy bubbling out from every part of your soul?

Well, that's today for me. I mean, I always know I'm blessed. And I am not a particularly gloomy person. In fact, I'd say I'm downright cheery most of the time.

But today is just abundantly joyful and cheerful.

So just for fun, I thought I'd list off just the first few of the many reasons I feel so joyful, blessed, cheerful and sunny today.

• I'm going to have a BABY in about 4 weeks. How cool is that? (I've known for ages that I have been pregnant. But I'm actually going to HAVE A BABY within the next month! That realization has just occurred to me in the past week or two.)
• I have a new found love and passion for my husband for the first time in almost ten years of marriage... and I feel so very blessed to see that he has the same new found love and passion for me as well.
• My sweet hubby OK'd cloth diapers for our newborn - the first of the five to come straight into the world wearing cloth rather than disposable.
• My diapers arrived today and are in the wash now. And they are so stinking tiny and cute I could just about die!
• I have the four cutest and sweetest kids on the entire planet. And they love each other and each one of them has been so happy and sweet today (all week really).
• School went super smoothly today.
• Girly Pie has peed in the potty WAY MORE than in her pants today. That's enough right there to set my soul on fire! ;o)
• No matter how much I've ever done wrong, and no matter how bitter or foul my soul can be at moments, I am the daughter of a King who loves me through it all, and thinks I'm wonderful and made me just the way He wanted me to be. And today for some reason, I'm just hyper-aware of that love and grace.
• I have See's chocolate in the house.
• I got to watch my four children holding and singing to and fawning over my good friend's 4 week old last night, and it was such a beautiful thing to see their excitement and love pouring out on this little guy.
• Punky has been pining ever since holding my friend's little man... "I can't WAIT for our baby to be born! I think I could change the diapers now, don't you?" I am just so blessed to have been given a first born son to this growing family of ours who has such a love for little ones and so longs to help and care for all the little chicks in this nest.
• I got to start the morning out with a short chat with my best bud MG, and as rare of a treat as that is these days it always is a delight.
• My body is healthy and whole. I take for granted often enough what a blessing that is. But today, I'm just very aware of the gift that health in life really is.
• My children are healthy and whole - this one feels even bigger than my own health. I'm so glad that they were blessed with strong bodies, healthy immune systems and everything in between.
• Dinner is already in the crockpot. I love days when dinner is done at 8am. ;o)
• My "To Do Before the Baby Comes" list is rapidly getting crossed off. That feels so GOOD!
• My hubby called me from work this morning to invite me to play one of our favorite card games this evening. It's so fun to be invited to such a thing. And I love that he's thinking about our evening together even while we're both busily working through our day.

I know there are a million more things that are adding to my general feeling of happiness and bubbly joy. But those are the first few that came to mind. And I have diapers to rotate in the wash and lunch to eat and lots of other options of ways to spend my short quiet time of the day. So off I go.

I hope you are feeling the joy of all your blessings today as well!

Updates

• Potty training is going pretty well, but it's still a work in progress.


• Christmas was really wonderful - but I'm ready to get the tree down and the house cleaned up and ready for regular life.


• Hubby and I have been working on renewing our marriage in many, many ways - and though it takes a lot of work to change old, bad habits, I can already see the fruits of those labors and feel so blessed to see such a beautiful new relationship taking shape. And for the first time since having kids (almost 8 years) we made it a priority to go away overnight together - just the two of us. It's not something we'll do often, but going to bed and waking up in the morning with no one else's needs to meet but each other's was a beautiful gift. It's amazing to think that every single morning for the vast majority of our married life we've woken up and almost instantly met the needs of our kids. It was just lovely to have a little bit of a honeymoon after all these years. ;o)


• I'm 34 weeks along now - I've always given birth within a week of my due date so I'd imagine that we'll have our newest little addition in 5-7 weeks. It's funny how much shorter that looks when you think of it in terms of how many weekends you have left to get anything done. 5 weekends left that I can pretty much count on to get anything done that I want to do before we become a family of seven. That means all projects, all family gatherings, any special date time, family activities we might want to do before Baby comes... only 5 weekends left to accomplish them all. 10 days, people. 10 weekend days. I was shocked when I thought about it like that.


• I threw my back out for the first time ever as a largely pregnant lady. No fun - but boy do I appreciate how small and inconsequential the normal aches and pains of life feel after not being able to move for a good week!


• Birthdays are fast approaching... Finny will be 6 on January 11th, Jelly Bean is due to be born around February 8th, and Punky will be 8 on February 18th. Fun, busy times we have around here in the winter months!


• I'm dropping the unit study approach for schooling and trying out a more subject-specific style. We'll see how that goes. On the agenda for 2010: set times for weekly history and science lessons. That's a first for us - I hope we can find the perfect slot for it and that everyone enjoys it. We'll be using Story of the World for history and we'll be doing some fun lower elementary level study of the human body at least for the first couple of months of the year.


• We're still doing occupational Therapy for Finny for his Sensory Processing Disorder, but we're looking into other areas to help him - currently focused in the area of helping him learn better how to self regulate. He definitely needs some sensory help, but there seems to be more to it than that... more on that when I know more that I can share. ;o)
• Punky is an AMAZING young man. I am just in awe of all that I see coming out in the character of that boy. He's so very big, and so very little at the same time. I just feel so blessed to be his Momma. Oh - and boy, I had no idea how much an almost 8 year old could read when enjoying a good book. He's hit that point of just loving the book he's into, and he's devouring 3-400 page books these days (in less than two weeks' time). This from the boy who 2 short years ago would be in tears after 5 minutes of struggling through Dick and Jane stories. Thank you Lord for Vision Therapy and for healing my boy's vision. It's so easy to forget how hard that was for him!
• Finny is doing really well in so many areas. He's sweet, funny, shockingly bright and so thoughtful in so many ways. When he's really focused and feeling good, he's so very sweet, especially with the younger two that I am melted each time I see him voluntarily offer up a toy to share or run Girly Pie to the potty just because he wants to help her. What a wonderful boy he is. And worth of note - he's doing really well with all his school stuff. He just seems to love to learn, and feel so very proud of his accomplishments.


• 3 1/2 year old boys are so much funnier, sweeter and more enjoyable when they are your third rather than your first. How on earth did I manage to lay so much responsibility on Punky at this age? Goose is just delightful and adorable and LITTLE feeling. Punky seemed HUGE at this age. Sigh. Point here is - Goose is great and wonderful and we all think he's the funniest thing ever. Never a dull moment if that boy's around to add a comment to the topic.


• 1 1/2 year old girls are completely intoxicating. I had no idea. That little Girly Pie can melt our hearts a dozen times a day. Why didn't anyone tell me how sweet it is to have a little girl wrap her arms tightly around my neck and say "Wuv you" followed by sweet little puckered lips coming in for a kiss? I remember so many sweet things from the boys at this age too - but there is most definitely a new and different sweetness with her. Not better, just different, if that makes sense.


• I'm still trying to find the perfect schedule. I KNOW we need one. I still just haven't perfected it. And with Baby coming in a month and a half, I doubt perfection will find me anytime soon...


• I'm cutting back on computer time in general - I need to focus more on things like loving on my husband, meeting the needs of my 7, 5, 3 and 1 year olds, school planning, baby preparation, home making... all that jazz.


• I have fallen woefully short on my efforts to make daily time to read the Bible and have quiet time with the Lord. I hope to remedy that ASAP.


• I am very much looking forward to the coming weeks as we let go of the holiday hustle & bustle and welcome in the New Year - complete with new schooling goals, new OT goals, new schedules - even a new baby! ;o) So much NEW this year, apparently.


• Though we are just now heading into the thick of winter (which is fine by me, I'm ready to cocoon!) I spent a few minutes on a cold, sunny day yesterday with Finny running around a baseball field and got just that little, tiny taste of spring. I can't quite explain it, but I was so overcome with the thrill of all that comes with each new season. I just love how God allows for so much change every year, and so many blessings with each new thing.


• Pregnancy is going great (now that my back is better!) and I am really enjoying it. I've been healthy and gaining weight well at all my appointments (a great thing for me!). I've just ordered the homebirth kit, and we're looking forward to another birth at home. I'm prayerful that God will bless us again with a smooth, safe delivery.


• This little one moves plenty but is pretty gentle and soft in his or her wiggles. Still no major feeling one way or the other on gender. What I tell people who ask is that I FEEL like it's a girl, but I THINK it's a boy. ;o) I'm just getting so excited to meet him or her for the first time, either way.


• No names picked out yet either.


• Life is good. Not perfect, no. But oh so good. I feel so blessed in each day, even when I feel like I'm failing at something (or everything!). And today, even though I can see where I am falling short, I still feel such hope and joy for all that is, and for all that is on the horizon. Things get busy, I get tired, plans rarely go as I intend them to. But I'm right where I need to be, God is there with me holding my hand through each step, and He's blessed me into a family who loves, needs and cherishes me. Can't ask for much more than that.