Lest We Forget

I got an email yesterday from Rod & Staff - a curriculum I use here and there, mostly for my pre-Kers. It was in part a reminder of a sale they have going on, but with it came a little poem that I wanted to post here to remember. I was not a little girl who had big dreams of career rand riches. I really and truly did always dream of a home and a family to call my own. But this poem still touched my heart. ;o)

“Lest We Forget”

She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be...
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
All the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past,
The girl that I used to be.

So gently rising, I took her hand,
And guided her up the stair,
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl that I used to be.

—Author Unknown

Goose's zoo day

Poor Goose.

We went to the zoo today. We were all thrilled and excited to head out the door. So when Goose said he was cold and I measured his temperature at 100.3, I didn't think it was worth all their disappointment to stay home. 100.3, after all, is in the territory for us of just a minor cold setting in. Besides, he was acting fine and perfectly happy. So I dosed him with some ibuprofen, just in case, and we went anyway.

To the zoo. Over an hour away. On an 85 degree day.

Sigh.

Well, he was totally fine the whole time. I gave him full priority in the stroller and he rode the whole day, but he was pleasant and happy. He had a great time and really enjoyed seeing the lions, penguins and gorillas. Oh, and the jaguar (Because what 2-ish year old boy doesn't love Baby Jaguar from Diego!?). Honestly I pretty well forgot he had even measured a temperature at all this morning.

Then we got home... and as I removed him from the carseat and carried him across the driveway in the 90 degree heat (our town is always hotter than the city) I noticed he felt much warmer than he should after sitting in the air conditioned car for an hour.

Yeah. That would be because he had a 103.7 degree fever... which kept going up until it hit 104.2 at its peak. Now with fresh ibuprofen he's down in the high 102's.

My poor baby! I feel so bad. I have no idea how long his fever has been that high. He really did seem fine at the zoo. Seriously. But the poor guy is just burning up!

Well, anyway my little man is now parked on the couch watching any and every movie he wants until dinner and bed tonight. He's happy and seems perfectly comfortable.

So I'd say that pretty much blows my chances of the Mother of the Year Award. ;o) I can't believe I took a not-quite-three-year-old to the zoo with a 104 degree fever.

OK. Off I go to snuggle with my guy and hope he's feeling better soon. He's such a little trooper.

Benny's Baby Carrying 101

I'm so excited! I've been hinting to my Man (OK, so really I've been downright pestering him) that I really want an Ergo baby carrier.

Mind you, Girly Pie is our FOURTH child and we have made it through three babies with no Ergo. But times are a-changing, ladies. Sure I could make due with the ancient Gerry backpack that was handed down to us from a family I had nannied for. Sure I could just carry her. But darnit, after four pregnancies, 7+ years of carrying my own children constantly, plus a previous 10-12 years of continually babysitting or nannying for other people's kids and carrying them around... my hips and back are just plain shot.

So when I first mentioned to my Man that I was considering buying a new baby carrier he gave me that look. You know the one. The look that says, "NOW what do you want to buy for her?" It's a facetious look, and he's not at all nasty when I want to get something. But it was clear that he thought our collection of baby-carrying items to be fully stocked, and that just one more was clearly wasteful. After all, we're not currently planning to have more children, he reasoned. So why get this for just one baby?

So I got to thinking. And do you know what? It occurred to me that in our seven years of parenting, we have never, NOT ONCE, paid for one single baby carrier. NEVER.

We were gifted a brand new Baby Bjorn for my first baby shower when I was pregnant with Punky. At the time, as far as I knew, Baby Bjorn was the cream of the crop for baby carrying. And I loved mine. Until he hit 12 pounds. I carried babies in that thing constantly. I cooked, cleaned, nursed, walked, played... you name it, all while wearing babies in my Bjorn. But as they hit that 12 pound mark, my shoulders and back gave out on me. So as soon as they were strong enough, I bumped my babies to the back pack carrier.

The back pack was a handed down item from a lovely family for which I nannied. I received two actually, from different families. Both back packs were less than supportive, and I usually ended up with a headache within 15 minutes of putting one on.

I also got a sling from one of the families, but that kind of sling at least just did not fit my narrow frame so I never could wear a baby in it.

Then when Girly Pie was a few months old a friend of mine, Sara, generously gave me a homemade version of the Moby Wrap, which I totally fell in love with. I only wish I'd had that for the first three babies. It was perfect for the slightly older infant - not really ready for a back pack but too heavy for the Bjorn type carriers. I thought for sure that the Moby was all I'd need forever with Girly Pie.

But alas, she did finally hit a weight where the front carry didn't quite work as well, and the amount of time I spent tying the thing into the proper pretzel shape made it really tough to get her in it while we were out and about, especially if I wanted to do the back carry in it. And it was starting to hurt my back a bit anyway.

So that brings us to current. And when I mentioned to my Man that we had never once paid a dime for any of our myriad baby carriers, he was a little less cynical about the idea. Besides, Mary Grace has one and I have tried it out, so I already knew that it fit the bill for a super comfortable and multi purpose carrier for the older (and slightly heavier) baby and toddler. So I priced them out online, and picked out a color I really liked.

And come Mother's Day morning... SURPRISE!!!

Guess what I opened up from my dear and wonderful husband! Yes, that would be this lovely camel colored Ergo baby carrier. Yay!

36 pound Goose was the first to take a spin in the Ergo with Daddy, and he loved it. My Man said he felt really light on his back in it, too.

Then when Girly Pie woke up from her nap I popped her in there and she loved it! She loved it at church in both the front and back holds, she loved it at the park, she loved it today in the yard for a mini nature walk through the woods. And even though my lower back is currently in very bad shape from the hacking cough I have had for a few days (I think I coughed a kink into my back while sleeping one night and I can't quite shake it now) I am still totally comfortable with her in the carrier.

So I'm a happy Momma. I have a feeling I'll be able to tote my girl around in total comfort for a few years yet. As the fourth with three older brothers, Girly Pie is just going to be along for the ride on many an adventure to come for a while. So it will be nice for all of us, I think. And if God has any more children in store for our family, then we'll just get that much more for our money out of it, I guess.

So there you go. The history of my baby carrying career. And in case you were wondering what my suggestions are, after four babies and a whole lot of experimenting, I have concluded that using a Moby-type wrap is ideal for a newborn up to that slightly older and more active baby (I'd say around 6-9 months, depending on their weight). I can nurse easily in it, and they are super close to my skin so that it almost feels as though you are not wearing anything at all besides your baby. It's really adjustable too, which I like. And when they outgrow the usefulness of the Moby, the Ergo seems to me to be the very best for comfort of both Momma and baby. And I love that you can do front, hip or back carries with it. You can do all three with the Moby too, but it does seem to be more of a strain with a heavier baby.

Happy, happy Momma. I'm so tickled to have such a nice gift. What a sweet, sweet Man I have.

The real me

I want to explain here that in my last post – the one where I accomplished so many tasks in a day – that is not the norm for me. Actually, that is why I posted it. I felt so good after having had such a productive day that I felt like seeing it all in print.

Just in case you somehow got the impression that I might in fact have such days on a regular basis. Because I in fact do not.

Most days I don’t even know what I’m cooking for breakfast until I’m puttering around in the kitchen at 6-something and seeing what is there to serve up. I’ve started a somewhat consistent breakfast menu for Mondays through Fridays, so I just pick one of five choices, and that has helped. But by nature, I’m generally a last minute kinda gal.

Lunch and dinner are no better. Planning is not my forte.

Most of my days are spent in moving from one necessary activity to another. By necessary activity, I guess I mean whatever seems most important in the moment. In the morning that usually means getting breakfast made, served, eaten and cleaned up. I usually get laundry going in that time, too. Somewhere in there I direct children who might not be on track with their chores, but mostly I just do my morning work and hang out a bit with the two little guys.

Once Girly Pie naps, I do try to get school stuff in with Punky and Finny, but that can be hit or miss, depending on Goose’s mood and the general tone of the day. And then later when Goose naps I try to get some more done. I’ve been trying to get some semblance of history study in, but I’m finding that it might just be a lost cause, at least for my children at these ages and stages of life. So I’m going to make efforts to figure out in the next year what “school” will look like for our family. Though I have loved the idea of Sonlight, this is the second year I have tried and failed at making it work for our family, so for the time being I think it is time to move on and explore new horizons for our home learning experience.

Really, I do enjoy my days, and I feel like most of my energy goes into caring for and loving on my children. I work hard to impart good Godly character in my children, and that does take up a big chunk of my efforts each day. I also try to really get in some time with the babies, because I know how finite their very young months and years are, and I’m not willing to let them slip by completely while I was busy doing other things.

So, lest you think that I have it all together and just get up each morning knowing just what the day will bring and just how I am going to accomplish it all, I just wanted to clearly state that that is not at all the case. I am winging it just as much as anyone. Thankfully, I just happen to very much enjoy what I do, so even when I feel as though I’m failing miserably at any part of it (not good enough with teaching the kids, not keeping the house in good enough order, not making enough one-on-one time with any of the kids, not being on top of planning or organizing ANYTHING) it doesn’t generally get to me. I do have weak days where I feel like I’m failing at everything, and those can be hard. But with good friends (thank you Mary Grace!), strong faith, a very loving and forgiving God, amazing children and a super supportive husband, those blips do tend to wash over pretty quickly. And I always come back to a place of peace, knowing that I am doing just what I need to be doing at this point in our family. That's probably one of the biggest things I have going for me - I just have a pretty positive attitude and genuinely feel blessed to be living this life. The title of my blog? Psalm 118:24? Yeah, that's what gets me through everything. I am just so thankful for TODAY.

So sure, I could do better at any of it, or at all of it. But what it comes right down to it, my kids are happy, healthy and bright, my husband seems content (though it’s hard to read him sometimes…) and I feel pretty good myself. I am blessed to live this life, and when it comes right down to it, I believe that loving others, and loving the life God has blessed you with, is a pretty great place to find yourself.

So there you go - the real, flawed, disorganized, procrastinating, occasionally slothful but always thankful -Me. Maybe next time I have one of those days when I barely keep everyone afloat for the day I’ll have to post that, too.

But hey – it sure is nice when I have those days when I get a zillion things done. ;o)

My Day

Today I (in no particular order):

• baked a quadruple batch of banana bread muffins
• froze about two dozen muffins and almost that many mini-muffins for suture snacking
• washed and dried 6 loads of laundry
• folded four of the aforementioned laundry loads
• got math, language and reading done for Punky and Finny
• learned a bit about Roman gladiators with Punky and Finny
• fed 6 people 3 full meals
• made a quick solo run to the library to pick up holds (Hubby was home with nappers)
• showered (not always as easy to get done as it sounds!)
• was woken at 4:30am by a cranky, tired little girl who refused to go back to sleep
• changed 4 poopy diapers
• bathed two of four children
• kissed no less than four owies better
• found time to cuddle with my Man
• read a bit of the Bible (not as much as I wanted to - But Girly Pie was busy trying to sit on said Bible, so I gave up)
• emptied the dishwasher
• oversaw morning chores
• washed the kids' bathroom counter and toilet
• got all four kids dressed! (though boys 1 & 2 do that on their own now...)
• tidied the kitchen and family rooms
• put away the Littles' clean clothes (also something that often sits around waiting to be done)
• read books to all four of my children
• enjoyed a few conversations with Mary Grace over the phone
• stripped and washed our sheets
• put the sheets back on our bed (hours before bedtime even! I think that's a record for me...)
• remembered to take the dog out to potty
• marveled as my baby girl mastered walking all over the downstairs, even crossing the entire kitchen and dining area without falling once
• snuggled and tickled Goose because he's so edibly adorable and chunky!
• found time for snuggles and some one on one time with each of my four kids at different points in the day
• got about 5 OT activities done with Finny
• played Jacks for the first time with my boys
• helped Finny finish his pop-up birthday card for Girly Pie
• played a couple of levels of Super Mario Bros 3 (the one from 15 +/- years ago!) with my Man and the big boys during their short Daddy hang out time this afternoon
• managed to stay awake despite the 5 hour night sleep I had - and never really even felt tired (once I was up and moving, that is...)
• carried Girly Pie around for the vast majority of her waking hours
• wiped several runny noses repeatedly
• encouraged discouraged boys
• rescued a damsel in distress on multiple occasions (every time she climbs on anything - which is always - she gets stuck there!)
• taught Girly Pie two new hand signs

Tonight between now and bed I hope to:

• fold the last two loads of laundry in the house
• do a final tidy on the whole downstairs
• stuff the pinata for Girly Pie's birthday party
• watch the rest of our Creation vs. Evolution DVD from Answers in Genesis with my Man
• be in bed and lights out by 10:30 (if I'm lucky...)

So there you go. And here I thought I wouldn't get anything done with Girly Pie's very sad, very nap-challenged, very teething and cranky day. It's amazing how accomplished you feel just by looking at what you do each day on paper. And I know there are a zillion other little things I did today that didn't even register in my mind when I sat down to write the day out here. It does feel good to feel like I actually did something today!

Time to get busy

Ok. I admit it. I've let my "maternity leave" go on a little bit longer than is probably necessary... after all, my baby will be a year old next week, and really, I still find myself using the new baby excuse when it comes to doing things I need to do but just don't feel like doing.

The house is still in less order than I'd like. I've never gotten much of the planning done that I had hoped to do to stay on top of life with four small children (such as schedules, meal plans and consistent housekeeping on more than just "the basics"). Quite a few projects have fallen by the wayside. The list goes on...

And I have the feeling that much of it is just that adjustment to priorities. I may not have a newborn, but I do have one more child than I did last year, so there is just that little bit less of me to go around. So I give what I have to the things that really matter. First my husband and kids, next the feeding and house stuff. School and projects trickle back at the end of that list of priorities. I mean, we of course do school (almost) every day. But the amount of planning and forethought that I have put into anything I've taught my children is pathetic, really. It's been just the basics.

But not all of it is priority adjustment. I know that some of it is just plain lack of diligence and self discipline.

So as we near Girly Pie's first birthday (less than 3 weeks away!) I am feeling the tug to get a little more diligent in my other non-Mommy duties. I still plan to put time with my kiddos way at the top of the priority list, but I need to set aside a lot more time for planning and keeping up with other jobs, too.

In particular, I need to work harder to make school a top priority, not just something I whip together last minute.

I’ve been super lax with school stuff this year. I want to get in gear and work towards more fun projects and outings this spring. We mostly do math and language arts, plus reading and a very small bit of spelling. That's the daily stuff. We have hardly done any of the real Sonlight this year, though we’ve enjoyed all the read alouds and have followed loosely and done a bare bones overview of history up through Greece. Rome is next, so I just need to put together a reading plan with all of the great books from our library plus throw in some videos and crafts. Then I think I’ll call history done for the year and we’ll focus on spring stuff. We’re all very excited to be finishing up the garden boxes that we started last spring. But last year it snowed in late April and then I went and had a baby, so we just never got around to finishing the beds. But that’s OK. I probably wouldn’t have planted anything anyway. I was too busy loving on my new baby girl and playing with my boys when I could! But this year we really want to plant some veggies and flowers. I also envision a couple of zoo trips and maybe some field trips to nature parks or something. So that’s the spring school plan. I just find it impossible to sit around in the house doing book work when the sun comes out. I hope I’m not forming bad habits for life in my kids. But really, when in their lives will the ever again have the freedom to really enjoy this beautiful world God created with such consistency? They’re young, it’s sunny, and there’s a whole lot to be learned out in the sunshine!

So there you go. A little glimpse into the chaos that is my brain. Lots to do. Not a whole lot of self discipline currently to get it all done. But I'm working on that. And praying on it. ;o)

And hey, my kids really are learning a lot and they really are growing and loving and living. So I can't be doing all bad. It's just that I think I can really do better...

But I have to go now. I have a super adorable 2 1/2 year old sitting here waiting for me to go out back with him and push him in the swings. How can I resist?

Women, part 4

But again, the Lord was there even without my knowing it or really even asking Him to be. He put us in that first house knowing I would need those friendly neighbor women. He knew I would need people to smile at me and my way too cute babies. He knew I’d need others to say, “It’s ok. I’ve been there.” And to plan neighborhood potlucks with and to introduce me to the world of homeschooling.

He knew that in a few short years after we moved to our first home, that Mary Grace and her family would be moving in just down the road from us. He knew I was in need of a mentor and a true best friend: a woman to walk with hand-in-hand through this beautiful season of life. He created in me an apprentice’s spirit, and He knew that I would need to have a friend to watch and walk alongside without my even being aware of it.

I was not created with an innate knowledge of the world of mothering and of women. I was not raised in a home with anyone modeling these things for me either. But I was brought up in an environment with a very loving and supportive father, and women all around me pouring into me in various ways that went unnoticed for years.

So now, to sum up a bit from all the ramblings… I realize that I really do like women.

I love being able to talk to Mary Grace for hours about nothing really worth keeping a record of, but still I can walk away feeling justified, supported, refreshed, loved, understood… I love that. I love that she can encourage me without even trying. Heck, she can encourage me in the middle of telling me about a tough moment for her just in the fact that I do not feel alone in my occasional chaos or struggles to be all that I am called to be.

I enjoy having another friend I met from church (Let’s call her E.) over with her children and we can let our 6 walking and talking children play together and make gingerbread cookies and while we hold our babies and share stories of support and encouragement of the Lord and His work in our life. We can mention something that we cannot quite put words to in our world of mothering and the other can say, “I know! That is so true.” Even when we do not have the right words to make it all make sense. The thought, the feeling… the understanding is still there.

And I like that I can call the slightly younger friend down the road (I’ll call her C.) with her very young family of two children under two years old and chat about the thrill and newness of our same-aged babies. It’s great that she can come over and try out a craft we’ve been doing for years and to watch her face light up as she enters this world of mothering that I have enjoyed for so many years (well, almost seven years… it feels like it’s been longer though!) and I get to feel just that little bit like the mentors who have meant so much to me over the years.

And the day I started this silly little Women post, after a morning chat with Mary Grace, a midday baking and chatting time with E. and her brood, and an evening spent at C.’s house where we were invited for a lovely quesadilla dinner and we stayed for a nice chat and some super cute play time between our two-ish year olds and our 7 month olds… well, that day it occurred to me that the women in my life are truly a blessing.

These days (though the aforementioned day was a bit more full than I am accustomed to) fill me up in ways that I cannot describe. To share a common thread with these women, to be a part of this world that I once feared… even hated at times… to be accepted, loved, understood…to have others see the beauty in the day-to-day details of my life and understand them on a level that only another mom could… well I am not the graceful and talented writer that is my friend Mary Grace, so I cannot find the words to describe the feelings that come with this connection. But, I have a feeling that if you are a woman reading this right now that you may just have some idea of what I am talking about.

So all this to say that my friends, the women that I can clearly see were chose by the Lord Himself to walk with me in this life, mean very much to me indeed. I once thought that a husband to love me and children to raise were all I needed.

It didn’t take me too long to realize that God had more planned for me. He knew, first of all, that I needed Him. He also knew that I needed friends. And I think He created us that way to begin with. I do not think women were meant to go it alone, you know? Not that every one of us needs to be a social butterfly. One best friend is perfect for me, and one or two other close friends to walk along beside me as well round me out just right.

But at this point in my life, at least now in this short but important season of raising up my young family, I am so very thankful that I can do it alongside a few other women who can hold my hand and hear my stories and enjoy them, and who can share theirs with me. And then, once I have gotten all my chatty excitement out on them, I have just enough left for my husband to enjoy but not to feel overwhelmed by. ;o)

After all, as my dad occasionally says to my husband with a wink, “You married her. She’s all yours now.” And half the time he’ll make the little flapping hand sign that is synonymous with talking too much. So I guess that even though I looked like a boy once upon a time… I always did talk like a girl.

And one last little point, though I have been terribly long winded already… I adore my sons. I love (and always have loved) the world of boys and I always did feel like I would be the mother of boys. And after three of them, I was pretty well sure that I was going to be the mother of only boys. During my pregnancy with Girly Pie, we did not find out her sex (as with all my pregnancies) and I was completely confident and convinced that she was a boy. I remember having pangs and thoughts along the lines of, "I never got to be on the daughter end of a winning mother-daughter relationship. And I wonder if I will ever get to be on the mother end of a right and good mother-daughter relationship." But I was ok with that. I was just thrilled to be having a fourth child regardless!

I am still in awe at times that God blessed me with a daughter of my own. I only pray that He has prepared the right women to come alongside in her life to help guide her toward His purpose for her as He did for me in mine. And I am so very thankful that He has allowed me the gift of being one of those women.

And, for the record, so far I am deeply enjoying this whole mother-daughter thing from the mom end of things. It has been well worth the wait.

Ok. I’ll stop talking now. ;o)