Beautiful

I'm typing one handed and don't have any pictures in the computer yet to post and share - so this will be short.

But I wanted to quickly announce the arrival of our sweet new Blessing.

On Wednesday March 16, 2011 (9 days before I was due to deliver) at 5:52pm we welcomed our newest daughter to our family.

She weighs 7 pounds and measures 20 inches long.

She has a full head of gorgeous black hair and the prettiest features of any baby ever (though I'm sure I've made that statement at least five times before...) . Her eyes seem to be getting darker rather than lighter, so I think we'll have a brown eyed girl here, too. The last brown eyed baby I've held in my arms was my first born son - so we're all enjoying this novel "new" look - especially since her big sister is about as fair as they come.

She's beautiful. She's perfect. We are all completely in love with her. My husband is doing an amzing job of caring for us all as I rest these first days so that when I am back up and running I'll be better prepared to do all that God calls me to do for this beautiful family I am so blessed to be able to mother. The children are all pitching in a ton of help. God is so amazing and I cannot believe just how richly He has blessed us.

A loving, supportive, amazing husband. Four wonderful sons. Two beautiful daughters. The means to stay home to care for them all and even homeschool them. Words cannot describe how I feel to be so blessed. The only word that comes to mind these days is Beautiful.

I'll post pictures eventually - when I can take my eyes off of my baby girl long enough to get some on the computer. ;o)

Well off I go. Time to honor the request of my sweet Girly Pie as she went up to bed last night, "Remember to take good care of my new baby sister, Mommy!" So take good care of her I will. ;o)

Counting down...

37 weeks.

I cannot believe that I have already been pregnant with this baby for 37 weeks. That sounds like such a long time, doesn't it?

But it feels like the blink of an eye.

My baby is due three weeks from now - and though I am so excited to hold him or her in my arms soon, I am definitely not done holding him or her in my womb yet.

The middle of the night wiggles. The kids feeling the kicks and squirms when I read to them. That sweet little foot parked permanently on my right side, just under my ribs. The full belly. The being of "We" rather than just "Me." It's all just so precious a gift, so beautiful a miracle.

I am so blessed to have been a part of this aspect of God's creation six times now. I wouldn't trade a moment of any of my pregnancies.

And I know I wouldn't trade a moment of any of my times with my newborns and babies and toddlers and children either... all of it has been such a glorious gift.

But 37 weeks - only 3 (plus or minus) left - this particular gift has a time limit. And this one is almost up.

So I am soaking in each wiggle, each foot jab, each head turn, each achy little contraction that is just slightly reminiscent of the labor to come, the beautiful moment of meeting this child for the first time - just on the horizon.

Everything is perfect. The lack of posting is only due to lack of time allotted to this machine - not due to lack of wonderful moments to write about. The children are all well. My sweet Little Bug just celebrated his first birthday last month, and Finny and Punky turned 7 and 9. Loose ends are getting tied up, to-do items are getting checked off as I prepare for the newest arrival. School is still being taught (and learned - though admittedly with less passion on both sides than was felt in the fall!). The freezer will be stocked in the days to come. The homebirth kit is ready and waiting. The boy and girl quilts I so badly wanted to make are sewn and done and sitting beautifully in the bassinet - and soon enough a baby will be in one of them.

And so begins this 38th week - and as I sign off, my sweet babe is hiccuping away. Oh how I'll miss those hiccups. But oh how cute they'll be in person, no doubt...

We must be doing SOMEthing right...

There are definitely times as the mother of 5 (almost 6!) young children when I feel like somehow we are doing our kids a disservice by raising them in such a large family.

Most days I know it's all a good, beautiful thing. Most days (almost all days, really) I delight in watching them grow, learn and love together. I know that though they give up a few things, they gain so much that it's all the right thing. And besides all that, it's all been God's plan and not mine, so I know it can't be wrong. But when wading knee deep through the culture around us (no matter how hard I try to avoid it altogether) I do still see all of the smaller families and hear about all the one-on-one activities they do, and the opportunities available to children with only one or two siblings - and I have my moments of guilt. Not doubt so much, just guilt that our children will someday feel they missed out on something due to the big family.

But today I was delighted by a glaring reminder that for all they may be missing out on, our children really are gaining so much by being raised in and among so many other blessings.

This afternoon was Finny's 7 year well child check. And since I had so many questions regarding his allergy and sensory issues, and since my sweet Hubby was working from home and was available, I was able to take him alone to his appointment.

The appointment itself was mostly uneventful. Finny's still 50% on weight and 75% on height - same as always practically since birth. He's still got some issues with skin and behavior, but no real answers. Food stuff might help out a bit, but no magic cures there. His last remaining ear tube is concerning so I should call his ear, nose and throat specialist to see about surgery to have it removed. Nothing huge or shocking - all things I expected to hear.

But as part of the appointment with older children the doctors like to ask them a few thoughtful questions, I suppose to gauge their development intellectually and socially. The first two were fun to listen to Finny's answers - about what he was good at and what he was not so good at. But I was surprised by the third question, and delighted by Finny's answer.

Doc: "Finny, if you could have one wish, and you could ask for anything in the world - what would you wish for?"

(I sat there a little surprised myself and quite curious as to what his response would be - a new bike? A pool? A puppy? To end his allergy diet and eat anything he wanted? I waited with baited breath to hear, but I didn't have to wait long, as he answered without hesitation)

Finny: "A baby sister. 'Cuz I only have one sister."

Seriously. Of all the things in the whole wide world he could ask for - he asks for a baby sister. How sweet is that!?

So apparently at least one of my elder children is not too terribly put-out by the addition of a new sibling every year or two. I guess God knew just what He was doing after all when He planned our family out. Which I already knew, of course. ;o)

(and I'm pretty sure Finny will be delighted if it's a new brother on the way, too... though maybe that wish will become a fervent prayer at that point. Who knows?)

I've had too much to do with my family and have found it difficult to spare my precious time to sit in front of my computer to post much at all.

And I'm not really posting now, since I think it would be more fruitful to go up to bed and read a book before falling asleep.

But I just had to write that I am sitting at my desk here and my unborn baby is wiggling sweetly (26 weeks tomorrow). My dryer is humming in the background and my five beautiful babes are asleep in their beds. My hubby is at his best friend's house for a much needed evening with his childhood buddies, so I am enjoying a quiet, peaceful evening alone. I feel so very blessed in this tiny little moment.

To get to feel the wiggles and kicks of this sixth little blessing - a child I always wanted but honestly never even dared to dream might really become a reality. And here he or she is, so alive, so active, so real and already a part of our family. And I look at the rest of them - from ten months up to almost nine years old - and I can hardly believe I am the one who gets the privilege and joy of raising them all.

Will the movements of a baby in pregnancy ever lose their novelty? Not for me. The novelty of having children, and watching them grow in their relationships with their parents and with each other? Nope. It still humbles me almost daily.

I am so very, very blessed. Thank you Lord. For everything.

Just another 24 hours...

• Mary Grace from Books and Bairns challenged us to record 24 hours in our homeschooling day for just one day. So I picked today.
  
  Wow. I guess I do more in a day than I realize. Thanks for the idea Mary Grace! This was fun. Sorry if it’s too much detail for folks to read. But I had so much fun recalling the day’s events I just couldn’t cut corners! ;o)
  
  
  
• 3:11am: Poor Little Bug wakes up howling – he’s been sick since Friday night and just isn’t getting well. I gave him Motrin and he went back to sleep. For a bit.
  
• 5:27am: Little Bug is up REALLY howling this time. Starting to wonder if he has an ear infection? Hubby tries to settle him but Bug is up and down from that point on. Not sure if he slept more or not. I tried in vain but didn't sleep a wink more. So tired.
  
• 6:03am: I finally get the hint that Bug is not going back to sleep so I drag out of bed to throw on the comfiest pants I can muster up to my growing belly and the warmest double layer shirt I can pull down over said growing belly. Bug is really screaming now from his crib. I miss when he was not sick and would wake up happily and chat in bed until I could get in to grab him…
  
• 6:10am: Get Bug the bottle he’s desperate for (poor guys is borderline dehydrated with this diarrhea virus he’s had – he’s gone from mostly solids and the occasional bottle to mostly bottles and only snippets of regular food since Friday night). He is still clingy and sad but settles. Girly Pie wakes up while I am feeding Bug, Hubby gets her from her room and she snuggles on the couch with Bug and me. 6:20am: The three big boys all trot downstairs and join us on the couch for a story or two and some snuggles. But Bug is grumpy and doesn’t want anyone else to snuggle with me – besides, there’s no room between the fussing, squirming baby and the growing belly and the whining two year old who apparently has decided it’s going to be her way or the highway this morning – so we leave the big brothers to finish reading Girly Pie her second story and I get up to walk Bug around and start the morning going. I managed to throw a quick lunch together for my Hubby before he leaves for work.
  
• 7:00am: Hubby is gone for work, the boys are all rolling on chores by now and Bug is parked on my hip for the day (I did get him to be happy in the Ergo for much of the day too. Normally he’d be off crawling around and happily exploring his world – but this virus he’s got is just messing with his whole demeanor). I did some morning chores but I forget which specific ones. Laundry probably, and kitchen tidying, a few loose ends for school, helping Girly Pie get her baby dolls adjusted in their various strollers and baby carriers. ;o)
• 7:30am: Breakfast is served – boring old cereal with some kiwi on the side for fun. Finny is on a very strict diet right now after some blood allergy tests revealed issues with dairy, wheat, egg and peanut. At least with cereal I can just let him pick from the safe options and we move on. I’m still trying to get a better grasp of more exciting and healthy breakfast options.
  
• 8:00am: Boys are off to do their after-breakfast chores while I get moving more on my day – laundry, settling poor, sad Bug to his first early nap of the day, playing a bit with Girly Pie, cleaning up the house.
  
• 8:30am: I wanted to vacuum today but Finny volunteered to do it for me, so he and Punky got the rest of the floor clutter picked up and as I ran up and down and all around in my usual morning bustle the floors downstairs became clean – it was like magic! As a reward for being so sweet and volunteering, I let them have some bonus computer time and they played Jumpstart 1st Grade together before school time started. During this time I was able to have a nice little phone chat with my bestest friend Mary Grace. It was a lovely way to start the day. Finny was in a hurry to start school stuff (he was close in our little reward system to earning a trip to the prize box so he wanted to get a few boxes checked off first thing!) so he got right to work with Awana and math.
  
• 9:30am: Starting school later than I like, but the kids were enjoying the computer time and I was enjoying my friend chat, so there you have it. We started with our annual Advent time Jesse Tree Bible reading and ornament coloring. Girly Pie colored her ornament in fully – she has such attention to detail. Goose had no interest at all so he did some sequencing puzzles at the table instead. But we all were together at least. Today was Noah and the flood. Then we moved onto history where we studied Pennsylvania and its beginnings as the second state. Did you know the PA state dog is the Great Dane? And their state bug is the firefly. I think that must be the coolest state bug. Wonder what Washington’s state bug is. Haven’t gotten there yet – we weren’t brought into the union for quite a while.
  
• 10am (almost): Bug wakes up an hour earlier than he should- and he’s sad and cranky and he’s pooped through everything. The boys move onto some independent work while I take care of that. Bug is happy enough to ride in the Ergo while we finish up what we can of school. Punky does math corrections, Awana and some history reading. Finny does his phonics workbook and fixes some math he missed. Then he moves onto a couple of other things but I forget what they were. When Bug is all settled somewhere in there the boys make miniature Liberty Bells out of Styrofoam cups and tin foil. Finny quits early, Punky goes overboard and adds a ton of his own intriguing embellishments. The fun stuff bleeds into the day as he continues to build pirate hooks for himself and his brothers with Styrofoam cups and pipe cleaners with his spare minutes. Girly Pie manages to struggle with all her potty trips today and though she makes it each time she still manages to make a puddle a few times in there, so a few potty clean ups happened in that time. Goose mostly played on his own or with Girly.
  
• 11am: Lunch prep is underway. Finny has been disciplined a couple of times for a bad attitude but has recovered. He’s excited to read to me from his new reading series we’re working through. He’s starting the 14th of the 15 books in the series and his reading confidence and excitement has sky rocketed. He can’t wait to read to me – which is why his attitude stunk earlier because he couldn’t wait through all the other needs his siblings had for his chance to read me his Knight Fight book. But when we read it he did great and can’t wait to finish off the last book later in the week. All the sibs enjoyed sitting in on his reading and he even read one of the previous books aloud to Girly Pie while waiting for my undivided attention. Very cute stuff.
  
• 12pm: Lunch is done (Top Ramen for most of us, gluten free homemade chicken noodle soup leftovers for Finny, and sliced apples. Fancy stuff, I know.) and while I go up to read a nap story to Girly Pie with Goose and Bug along for the ride, Finny and Punky clean up the lunch stuff and finish making some observations in their science notebooks from a recent experiment involving wet bread, dry bread and mold production. As if we need a special experiment to tell us what the results of that would be – but it was fun to watch our bread turn blue anyway – and to not feel guilty that it happened due to my own lack of homemaking skills. ;o) The nap story was a new one from the library and Girly and Goose loved it.
  
• 12:15pm: Bug is restless, so I get him one more mini-bottle since he didn’t eat much lunch, and I read another book to Goose. He loved it. Trying to make more time for my pre-k set – they play so well together and on their own that they often fade into the background more than I like. Just today’s efforts were so rewarding I’ll definitely keep up the time directed at them, even if it’s just a few more book times carved out in the day between big kid school chunks.
  
• 12:30pm: Last bits of school work are finished up before rest, but a few things were missed so some will happen after rest today, which is not our norm. Science starts a study of birds this week – our family loves birds so this is exciting. We discussed warm and cold bloodedness and they found it fascinating. 1:10pm: Bug starts his second nap, big boys begin their quiet rest time. Today I split them up and Finny’s alone while Goose and Punky play together. Trying to let their three way friendship see some different angles – otherwise it’s lately been the two big boys against their little bro – but taking one big boy out of the equation always leaves the other one being friendlier towards Goose. Hope they can work that out soon – I hate to see him always being the third wheel.
  
• 1:10-2:20pm: Kids are all down resting or napping so I get some quiet time. I talked with another close friend about the joys parenting and some other mom type topics. Cleaned the kitchen up and sat quietly for a bit.
  
• 2:30pm: Girly Pie wakes up so we have some mommy/daughter time. We read a book or two and cuddled, tickled and talked before the boys rolled down from rest. It was lovely. Her hugs and her delighted squeals when she has my full attention are just so delightful. I am reminded again of how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to raise a daughter among all my handsome sons. God is indeed so good. Then we all shared in some fun play doctor time (You know, where you listen to their bellies with a toy stethoscope and hear a frog in there so you need to surgically remove it. Isn’t that how everyone plays doctor at their house?) Bug wakes up super sad again from nap, so doctor ends quickly and the kids play for a bit while I settle the poor, sick baby. We pull out my real otoscope and check ears. No one looks like they have an infection, but poor Bug still acts like it.
  
• 3pm: Girly Pie plays a Star Fall letter game on the computer while we do a few last school items (math, Awana verses with Goose, things like that) and Bug is finally happy enough to crawl around and play a bit as long as I am on the floor with him.
  
• 4pm: One last school item to do before the day is through – it’s been on and off school this afternoon, lots of breaks but still finishing a few things up. The highlight of the day though: while Goose and Girly watched a Super Why video on the TV (educational pre-reading show – but Goose was fading as his head cold kicked in. Did I mention that most of the kids seem to be coming down with a nasty cold?) I did music with Punky and Finny. As they colored a picture from the Nutcracker and Bug spun around in the Johnny Jump Up I read a few things aloud and then we listened to snippets from the ballet itself. It was so cute to watch Punky and Finny dance around the family room as Bug spun and jumped and twisted to the music (He was TOTALLY dancing! So sweet!). That was the moment that made all the rough moments of the past week fade away as I remember just why it is we homeschool. My children love each other, and we’re learning about fun things that are really worth our time. The baby likes Tchaikovsky and the big kids think it’s the best thing ever to dance around the room with a baby in a jumper. Girly and Goose soon joined the fun.
  
• 5pm: Dinner is almost lost – we’re out of ketchup which is the main ingredient in my taco meat (sounds gross but it’s really good). Thankfully my friend C is dropping by some library holds she was kind enough to pick up for me (we keep getting sick so I can't even get to the library to grab my holds!) and she was able to grab a bottle of ketchup on her way over to save the day. Yay! And then Bug has another blow out in his diaper. Poor guy!
  
• 5:40pm: Baby is fully clean again, kids are hungry and ready to eat. Dinner is eaten happily by all without a crumb left. Hubby makes it home in time to scarf a few tacos down before he and Punky head out to Punky’s 4H archery club.
  
• 6:15pm: Hubby and Punky head out, Bug gets one last bottle (poor guy won't eat a bite so all I can do is give him bottles to keep him hydrated and fed!), Finny takes over as eldest in the house and leads the way for Goose and Girly. He is so sweet when he’s the big kid on duty! He always thinks of the best games to teach them, even retelling fairy tales and playing parade. So sweet! Again I am reminded of how blessed I am as I watch different dynamics unfold in my family and I see all the beautiful little souls I have been blessed to raise. Poor Bug smells awful from a day full of yucky diarrhea so he gets a bath all by himself while the other three play happily down the hall. He's finally happy after bath and crawls around fora bit before he crashes again. The other three have fun crawling around with him. Cute stuff.
  
• 7pm: Bug is happily in bed, Girly gets her story time, Goose and Finny start a fun brother game in their room. Sweet hugs and snuggles with my girl before bed.
  
• 7:20-7:40: I play Playmobil with Finny and Goose and we video record scenes of the bad guy being brought to justice in the local jail (Finny’s Superman blanket). Then we read If You Give A Mouse A Cookie and I think how much that feels like my life. Especially when I look at the last picture of the happy mouse eating yet another cookie, and the exhausted boy collapsed in a heap of messes all around him. ;o) The boys decide to have a sleep over on their floor so they are in sleeping bags with a flashlight reading books and saying prayers together as I leave their room. SO CUTE!
  
• 7:40pm: Kids are all down, dog needs to potty, once I get settled I sit down to organize some pictures on the computer and type up this 24 hour day. Noticed baby wiggling some while I sat. I feel him or her through out the day, but find very few moments to just sit and "be pregnant." I sure do enjoy those wiggles as they happen, though! 23 1/2 weeks, FYI.
  
• 8:40pm: Chat with Mary Grace about baby bedding (So fun!) while I clean up the kitchen dishes.
  
• 9pm: Hubby and Punky return from archery. I tuck Punky into bed after 9. Late night for him. Then back to work on picture organizing and 24 hour recording again.
  
• 10:27pm: I’m finished now with this 24 record and need to go to sleep. I will head up to bed in a few and hope I get to sleep past 5-something tomorrow. But if not, apparently I can still have a lovely, blessed, full day. Maybe tomorrow I’ll actually squeeze in that Bible time I keep telling myself I’ll do every day. I feel terrible about that - but I really do wonder just where to find that time each day. Sigh. Tomorrow is a new day. ;o)

Little Bug

My littlest man is rounding towards the nine month mark faster than I ever thought possible. He's crawling, cruising, navigating the stairs at an alarming speed, and charming everyone he meets. Little Bug is the cutest, sweetest little thing I think I've ever seen (though my short term memory tends to think that about each of my babies when they are at this age).

Just wanted to share two recent pics of my cute, shaggy Little Bug.

(His curls are fading as his hair gets longer - but I can't quite bring myself to cut it back for fear that I will lose the curls forever!)

(Bug's sporting one of his new bumGenius Flip diapers here. I'll have to post another time about why we dumped the FuzziBunz and went back to bumGenius for their 4.0's and Flips - but regardless of the history there, who can resist a cute coth diapered crawling bum shot!?)

Ponderings

I have had a headache for the past three days - and now as the day fades into night I am FINALLY beginning to feel a little more like my old self.

It's amazing what a few days straight of pain will do to a soul. By last night I was feeling completely defeated, discouraged - like a failure as a mother and wife, stretched beyond my means and falling pathetically short as a follower of Jesus. I went to bed knowing in my soul that all I believe is true and that I am truly blessed - but in my mind and heart I felt so broken I just felt like all of life is a burden too great for me to carry and I wondered how I would ever survive the next day, let alone the rest of my life. (I get BAD headaches... migraines in the past but they are usually controlled with a few minor trigger foods I need to avoid, and this three day whopper had me down on my knees more than once! Give me drug free labor at home any day - but a splitting headache? No thanks. I'm too much of a wimp for that!)

This morning was a little better, but I was bummed to wake up after a great night's sleep and as much acetaminophen as is safe to take during pregnancy with the "shadow" of my headache still there, knowing full well that an hour or two on my feet would bring it back full force. I was still down and depressed, still slugging through the gifts of my life. I got breakfast done and on the table. I kissed my Man goodbye. I carried the baby and directed the traffic of a full morning of chores and play. But my heart was nowhere near "in it."

And then this afternoon - after a morning full of wincing and enduring and even a bit of whimpering - my final snooze and one last desperate prayer for relief so that I could again do all that I am called to do seemed to do the trick. I got off the couch as Girly Pie woke up from her nap and I felt only the slightest twinge of reminiscent pain. I was free! The spell of my three day pseudo-migraine had finally been broken - and my spirit was full once again!

So I write all this not to complain about my pain, or even really to rejoice over the relief of the pain (though let me tell you there has been much rejoicing and praising!). I mention it to explain the thoughts that come to my mind when I go through something like this.

First of all, I always end a pain spree (or a stomach flu or high fever - any really miserable physical time) full of thanks to God for the relatively healthy body and life with which He has blessed me. It's so easy to take for grated the million and two times each day I bend down to kiss a short little bundle of cuteness - until I'm on the couch for a week unable to move due to back spasms (last December while pregnant with Little Bug). It's easy to gloss over the fact that I can prepare three + meals for and clean up after 6 loved ones in this house each day, all while homeschooling them and keeping up with a little one or two (or three...) - until I spend three days wishing I could just melt away in bed and feeling pity for these poor children that are doomed to call me their mother, knowing I am in no way giving them all the love and care they deserve. Every healthy day of my life there are an uncountable number of moments that I take for granted as just another part of life - healthy children to fill my arms and lap, a hard working husband who loves, cares and provides for us, the means to stay at home, the opportunity to homeschool, a body that can do all it needs to do and do it joyfully and easily. And in all honesty, not one of those moments should be taken for granted. Not one of those blessings should be overlooked or taken lightly. And yet they are. I am so blessed that I don't even know how blessed I am. And sadly, it takes a day or two of losing one of those blessings (physical health and comfort) to remind me just how precious each healthy day is.

And that leads me to my second point - how weak and frail my faith, hope and joy are. How strong of a Christian would I be if I lived in am impoverished country and got one square meal a week? What would my faith look like if I feared every day that my husband or my children could be killed (or worse)? What would it look like if I had to face the loss of my husband or one of my precious children? I am too weak to even endure three days of physical pain (and minor pain compared to many in the world at that) without doubting and feeling sorry for myself, falling short of what I am called to do and losing the joy I should have in each thing I am blessed to do.

It has been an afternoon of humbling thoughts as I ponder these things. I am glad to know that it was the pain and not actually my own heart that was feeling the doubts and worries and hopelessness that consumed my last few days. But it makes me wonder just how deep that faith is - how far would I trust God? I am thankful He has never fully tested me on that (and is it wrong to hope that He never does?), but I am ashamed to admit that this teeny tiny trial has me wondering. And it makes me feel for people with long term physical ailments, or depression (even postpartum depression - when you are in that fog you cannot see the light!) or other struggles. It's so easy to forget that your body, your health, your very mind are all gifts from God - and not to be taken for granted.

So there you go. The random ramblings of a pregnant woman coming off a few days of pain. ;o) I am feeling much better now, and once again enjoying my husband, my children and my home. I again see God's gifts in my life and want to follow whole-heartedly. This evening when I feel this newest little Gift wiggling away in my belly I can feel the thrill of knowing we have been blessed with a new life and we will get to welcome a new little person into our home in a few months - rather than feeling the wiggle and wondering just how on earth I'll ever manage with six children, two of which only 13 1/2 months apart (yes - that's how miserable I was!).

So off I go to enjoy a movie with my Hubby and then to sleep off the last remnants of this headache. Thank you Lord for my life, and for healing. Thank you for the perspective check. And for the grace and love You show to look past my weaknesses, no matter how big and blaring they may be.