I'm a little blue today. I just have days where it all seems so fleeting. I love this time, my children so small and still needing me so much. I love this time in life, this season. The vast majority of the time I feel so blessed in this day that I do not look ahead to tomorrow, when the unknown will come. But I have days now and then where I let the fears of tomorrow creep in and whisper in my ear.Today and yesterday have been like that I guess.
Will it be OK when my kids are grown and don't need me anymore? Will I know who I am then? Can I be someone besides Punky, Finny, Goose and Girly Pie's mom?
I don’t know.
But I'll get over it. By the end of today I'll be right back in Psalm 118:24... This is the day the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
But for the moment, I'm wondering about tomorrow and being a little sad for the yesterdays gone by.
My Finny will be five in January, you know. I'm not ready for that one to get big, I think. He's my soft spot. I can't imagine a world without a Little Finny in it. But that world is creeping up on me so much faster than I am ready for. He'll be big soon enough. His cute little toddler and preschooler ways will fade away and the bigger, older, more mature Finny will take that place.
So I am just fighting the natural progression of things today.
Anyway. Not sure why I shared all that. Maybe you understand. Maybe not. I know I cherish these young years a lot, possibly more than most people. So maybe it is easier for some as their babies grow into children and finally adults. But for me, it's tough to let them go. And I homeschool, so it's not even like they're physically going anywhere! ;o) It's just hard sometimes to watch who they were disappear as who they were created to be takes shape, you know?
OK, enough of that. Off I go to bake brownies with my biggest boy. Our Friday baking time together. Time to just soak in all of today that I can.
6 comments:
It amazes me how I can be home with me kids all day and still feel like it's not enough time. You're not alone - thank you for sharing.
Here's what I want you to remember, dear: YOU HAVE NOT MISSED A MOMENT WITH THAT BOY. Who has seen him through wardrobe changes, crazy-making baking and too-cute blond hair? That would be YOU. Never forget that you have drank in his childhood for all that it's worth. It's just like that scene in Alice in Wonderland, though ... CLEAN CUP! MOVE DOWN! Time for another round. :-)
I'm with you in that, I think. Is it weird to fold your 1-year-old's diapers and imagine her as an adult, imagine taking care of her babies sometimes? Or envision cutting out certain parts of the house where your 3-year-old left her 'artwork' - if we ever have to move? These things are precious, and I'm grateful to 'see' them now, before they're only memories. *sniff sniff*
I replied to your comment at my blog, also. Your brownies sound like a fabulous idea, and if I had a square inch of counter not covered in salvaged produce, I might follow suit. But alas...
I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one who feels this way! I am dragging my husband over to read this (right now!) so he will know, I am not the only one!
I couldn't wait for my two to get older, and now that my oldest is 5, I am ready for time to slow to a crawl. What is it about our darlings turning 5 that just makes us stop and think? I wish I could remember as well as you do that each and every moment with our children is a precious gift. That is something I am praying for daily.
Sorry to hear you are having a rough couple of days. You'll be in my prayers tonight.
Must be something magic about the age of 5. My friend Mary Grace was just reminding me on the phone today how hard of a time I had when Punky turned 5. I remember it vaguely, but it seemed different in hindsight, like Finny is harder. But maybe not. Maybe it was just as difficult then as it is now. And I am sure it will be again with Goose and Girly Pie. It's nice to have friends to remind you the truth of your own history. ;o)
Thanks for the prayers and the understanding. It's good to know I'm not the only one!
Benny
6, 4, 2 and 5 months? Sweetie - you are in the early stages. Revel in them. My kids are 11 and 9 - and when this next baby is born, they will be 12 and 10! People think I'm crazy for starting over. Maybe I am... but it was probably one of these "blue" moments that started it all! LOL
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